Robert Benchley Quotes

Top 77 wise famous quotes and sayings by Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley quotes: England and America should scrap cricket and baseball and come up with a new game that they both can play. Like baseball, for example. England and America should scrap cricket and baseball and come up with a new game that they both can play. Like baseball, for example.
Robert Benchley quotes: I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle. I can't bring myself to say, 'Well, I guess I'll be toddling along.' It isn't that I can't toddle. It's just that I can't guess I'll toddle.
Robert Benchley quotes: Charlemagne either died or was born or did something with the Holy Roman Empire in 800. Charlemagne either died or was born or did something with the Holy Roman Empire in 800.
Robert Benchley quotes: Breaking the ice in the pitcher seems to be a feature of the early lives of all great men. Breaking the ice in the pitcher seems to be a feature of the early lives of all great men.
Robert Benchley quotes: A freelance is one who gets paid by the word per piece or perhaps. A freelance is one who gets paid by the word
per piece or perhaps.
Robert Benchley quotes: It was one of those plays in which all of the actors unfortunately enunciated very clearly. It was one of those plays in which all of the actors unfortunately enunciated very clearly.
Robert Benchley quotes: After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get a new book out of him each year. After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get a new book out of him each year.
Robert Benchley quotes: If you think that you have caught a cold, call in a good doctor. Call in three good doctors and play bridge. If you think that you have caught a cold, call in a good doctor. Call in three good doctors and play bridge.
Robert Benchley quotes: I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author. I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author.
Robert Benchley quotes: Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley quotes: I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well. I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
Robert Benchley quotes: The wise man thinks once before he speaks twice. The wise man thinks once before he speaks twice.
Robert Benchley quotes: If only those old walls could talk ... how boring they would be. If only those old walls could talk ... how boring they would be.
Robert Benchley quotes: I haven't been abroad in so long that I almost speak English without an accent now. I haven't been abroad in so long that I almost speak English without an accent now.
Robert Benchley quotes: The Great Arizona Desert is full of the bleaching bones of people who waited for me to start something. The Great Arizona Desert is full of the bleaching bones of people who waited for me to start something.
Robert Benchley quotes: You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health. You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.
Robert Benchley quotes: An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens. An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
Robert Benchley quotes: The pencil sharpener is about as far as I have ever got in operating a complicated piece of machinery with any success. The pencil sharpener is about as far as I have ever got in operating a complicated piece of machinery with any success.
Robert Benchley quotes: Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of. Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.
Robert Benchley quotes: There are several ways to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory. There are several ways to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory.
Robert Benchley quotes: The only cure for a real hangover is death. The only cure for a real hangover is death.
Robert Benchley quotes: There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are thinking of Bucharest, and there is no such place as Bucharest, either. There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are thinking of Bucharest, and there is no such place as Bucharest, either.
Robert Benchley quotes: If there is a streak of ham anywhere in an actor, Shakespeare will bring it out. If there is a streak of ham anywhere in an actor, Shakespeare will bring it out.
Robert Benchley quotes: Next to a shot of some good, habit-forming narcotic, there is nothing like travelling alone as a 'builder-upper. Next to a shot of some good, habit-forming narcotic, there is nothing like travelling alone as a 'builder-upper.
Robert Benchley quotes: Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings. Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.
Robert Benchley quotes: Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one
Robert Benchley quotes: Streets flooded. Please advise. Streets flooded. Please advise.
Robert Benchley quotes: There are two kinds of travel: first class and with children. There are two kinds of travel: first class and with children.
Robert Benchley quotes: We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born. We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.
Robert Benchley quotes: In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop. In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.
Robert Benchley quotes: I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry. I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
Robert Benchley quotes: There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them. There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.
Robert Benchley quotes: Anything can happen, but it usually doesn't. Anything can happen, but it usually doesn't.
Robert Benchley quotes: Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings. Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings.
Robert Benchley quotes: This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation. This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation.
Robert Benchley quotes: If you look at eggs, you will see that each one is almost round but not quite ... Nature's way of distinguishing eggs from large golf balls. If you look at eggs, you will see that each one is almost round but not quite ... Nature's way of distinguishing eggs from large golf balls.
Robert Benchley quotes: If Shakespeare were alive today and writing comedy for the movies, he would be the head-liner for the Mack Sennett studios. If Shakespeare were alive today and writing comedy for the movies, he would be the head-liner for the Mack Sennett studios.
Robert Benchley quotes: You won't find one fish in a million that has enough sense to come in when it rains. You won't find one fish in a million that has enough sense to come in when it rains.
Robert Benchley quotes: Traveling with children corresponds roughly to traveling third class in Bulgaria. Traveling with children corresponds roughly to traveling third class in Bulgaria.
Robert Benchley quotes: Streets full of water. Please Advise. Streets full of water. Please Advise.
Robert Benchley quotes: Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.
Robert Benchley quotes: A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs. A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs.
Robert Benchley quotes: There is no doubt that every healthy, normal boy ... should own a dog at some time in his life, preferably between the ages of forty-five and fifty. There is no doubt that every healthy, normal boy ... should own a dog at some time in his life, preferably between the ages of forty-five and fifty.
Robert Benchley quotes: The ideal age for a boy to own a dog is between forty-five and fifty. The ideal age for a boy to own a dog is between forty-five and fifty.
Robert Benchley quotes: People who begin sentences with "I may be old-fashioned but - " are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong. People who begin sentences with "I may be old-fashioned but - " are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong.
Robert Benchley quotes: One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery. One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.
Robert Benchley quotes: Work is a form of nervousness. Work is a form of nervousness.