Tucker Max quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Tucker Max

Tucker Max Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Tucker Max on Wise Famous Quotes.

Obstacles are only obstacles if you see them as obstacles. They can also be called opportunities.

Leave it up to hipster nerds to pretend to hate something that they actually want

It is hard for me to be vulnerable, because I never learned how to do that. I was never vulnerable in a safe way.

Most people's lives are nothing more than pointlessly frantic activity used as a psychological defense against their own impotence and fear.

Did you hear the nonsensical prattle spewing from her pie-hole?

I will never understand why people get so upset at things I don't even remember saying.

In training, there is no winning or losing. There is only learning.

I'm not some movie star relying on a studio. I have my own fans and I earned them.

One of us needs to get laid."
"Just one of us?"
"What are the odds of both of us getting laid?

Calling one thing 'literature' and another 'fiction' is a way to create status where there is none.

I'm never going to be Tolstoy.

There are fun nights, there are crazy nights, and then there are those nights that make men legends.

Great careers are getting easier to find and audition for, but harder to keep.

You look like the type of people who would criticize a misspelling in a suicide note.

Unless you plan on making academia your life, all you need to know about postmodernism is that its premises are fundamentally wrong.

Of course, I'm not a doctor; I just watch a lot of ER and House.

I sold a million books because I have a lot of fans, not because people hate me.

I don't want to compare myself to Picasso, but he had four or five periods in his life. Any good artist grows and changes and matures.

It's like a mini Bourbon Street with less culture and more disgusting hookers.

When your buddy tells you a movie is good, that's worth 2,000 commercials.

There aren't a whole lot of people in culture that are unapologetically masculine.

When I give speeches at college, I don't tell stories, I talk about what it is to live your dreams and take the path less traveled.

I prefer to keep fooling myself, at least for a little while longer.

I think that there's a lot of guys out there that want to read the equivalent of chick lit, but really there's not being much written for them.

I've come to learn that what really matters is the relationship, the quality of the relationship.

I laugh at people who say things like 'I'm a good person, I just do bad things.' No, that's not how it works. What you do IS who you are.

Whatever your favorite food is, if you eat it every day for a month, you're going to get sick of it.

One of life's great secrets: women don't look for handsome men, they look for men with beautiful women.

Yinzer: DAMN!! I wish I had your balls! Tucker:I wish you had a breath mint, but I guess we don't always get what we wish for.

Anything that reflects the human condition back on humans in the entertainment medium is art.

The great stories go to those who aren't afraid to live them

I think 20th century media were about tricking people - and the beauty of the Internet is you can't lie anymore.

Look, I know everything is shitty right now, but if you don't stop acting like such a bitch, someones gonna fuck that pussy on your face.

You can't fill your emails with crap, at least not with my friends, because they're brutal. If something sucks, they'll tell you.

Even if I was a Republican, George Bush would have pushed me out of that party.

Women always want the guy that other women want.

No sheep wants to be first through the gate, but every sheep will be second.

I have tons of fans in Canada. I've sold hundreds of thousands of books there.

Things always work out for me because I do whatever I want without worrying about the consequences.

Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as 'deserving' respect; you get what you demand from people.

And that we were now those guys ... who started a fight at a Harry Potter book party.

Publishing companies are like schoolyard bullies that can't even fight well.

Random Girl after a hookup: "Do you love me"
Tucker: "I don't understand the question.

Usually, whatever people's particular political leaning is, they either think I'm just like them or the opposite.

My writing is authentic, and whatever happens in my life is what I write about.

The meaning of life is to create meaning for your life.

It is better to ask for forgiveness then permission.

The vast majority of all consequences, especially in 21st century America, are completely meaningless bullshit.

You can't do anything yourself on TV ... unless you have a LOT of money, but you can do an independent movie.

I am Shiva, Destroyer of Worlds.

The general intellectual level of South Florida is somewhere just above "functionally retarded".

Halloween revolves around delicious candy, excessive alcohol, and horny women dressed as sluts. This also describes my vision of Heaven.

If you read the book, you're not a journalist. You're some impostor! No journalist actually does any work.

Motherfucker. She leaves me no choice. Now I have to break her self-esteem, sleep with her and steal the shirt.

No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff.

I wish I could bottle the seductive look she gave me so I could sniff it when I jack off.

I tell the truth, and truth is the ultimate defense against libel.

Hey man, so can you speak to dolphins and pilot whales with that forehead of yours?

FK THAT. I AM TUCKER MAX. I AM BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU.

The haters always scream the loudest.

I never felt pressured to create more stories, but dealing with people became really aggravating.

The Big Five publishing companies are dinosaurs trying to survive in a post-meteor world. They won't.

I was not developmentally disabled, but didn't mature at the same rate other kids did.

That's the beauty of alcohol. If you don't remember it, it didn't happen.

There is always more demand for great content then there will be great content to satisfy it.

Tucker "I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am. Please speak up.

Make no mistake about it: Law school is not a bastion of intellectual discourse.

Two girls called me closed minded. I tell them that they are so open-minded their brains leaked out.

Theatrical success is predominantly two variables: who the distributor is and how much money they spend.

She was quite promiscuous, to the point where dating her was similar to the experience of sitting on a warm toilet seat:

Helping reproductive services doesn't just help women in isolation. It helps men just as much.

I've heard 14 year old meth addicted thai prostitutes say more prescient things than the woman that was supposedly a professor

What people who don't create don't understand, is that once you take money from the machine, the machine [movie industry] owns you.

We can't get kicked out of McDonald's! This is like the DMZ of drunk eating.

I'm fresh out of fucks to give.

At some point in their life, everyone thinks they should go to law school. You may in fact think you want to go to law school now.

Hi. I haven't insulted you yet, have I?

Gotta love alcohol and sex hormones.

Tell beautiful women they are smart, and smart women they are beautiful.

I take a lull from my CamelBak and choke at its potency. It tastes like bad decisions. It's perfect.

I'm not West Coast at all. I was born in Atlanta, but I grew up in Kentucky, outside of Lexington, in Winchester.

Failure either ruins you, or turns you into the man you can become.

If you want to be seen as courageous by some and hated by others, just say what you really think.

The narcissist act is not an act. I actually am a narcissist, very much so. My world revolves around me.

I started writing because it was about making my friends laugh, and when you're talking to your friends, you can't bullshit.

Most of my success, I feel, comes from being a good editor as opposed to a great writer.

Look at the scope of writers who sell stuff. I'm at the very top of the power curve in terms of sales.

Girl3 "You don't have to be a jerk"
SlingBlade "Quite the contrary, my sloppy penile scholar.Order me another drink and be quick about it.

I stop paying attention because as much as I love beauty, I hate stupidity, and seeing the two combined pisses me off.

This may come as a shock to some of you, but I have a slightly volatile personality. I don't suffer fools well.

If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail.

Hollywood, it's just like high school. Whoever is pretty and popular, everyone wants to be with.

Opinions are projections.

You play crotch roulette, you're gonna hit double zero once in a while.

Getting offended is a great way to avoid answering questions that make you sound dumb.

There is no number or level of success that would make me think, 'Wow, I didn't think that was possible.'

Communication is not what we say, but what you hear (which is a lesson I wish our educational system understood)

I feel like taking her money AND her soul is not cool. One or the other.

The only thing that someone could say about me that would hurt me would be something that's true that I don't want to be.

9:00: I don't know what I want. I just point at the Dollar Menu and say, 'Give me all of that.