Molly Harper Quotes

Top 100 wise famous quotes and sayings by Molly Harper

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Molly Harper Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Molly Harper on Wise Famous Quotes.

Molly Harper quotes: The catch was that we could never break up, because I had run out of friends who were willing to help us move. The catch was that we could never break up, because I had run out of friends who were willing to help us move.
Molly Harper quotes: Besides, my drinking blood's not nearly as weird as that time I caught you shaving your legs.""I was curious! Besides, my drinking blood's not nearly as weird as that time I caught you shaving your legs."
"I was curious!
Molly Harper quotes: I'm not adorable," Wade protested. "I am manly and grizzled and have no emotions. None. I'm not adorable," Wade protested. "I am manly and grizzled and have no emotions. None.
Molly Harper quotes: I wonder if it would be unethical for me to turn James Marsters? And then force him to fake the Cockney accent? And then make him my love monkey? I wonder if it would be unethical for me to turn James Marsters? And then force him to fake the Cockney accent? And then make him my love monkey?
Molly Harper quotes: The element of surprise is vastly overrated in any relationship. The element of surprise is vastly overrated in any relationship.
Molly Harper quotes: Wait until you meet my family. At Thanksgiving, we kill everything we can find, put it into a pot, and call it 'holiday gumbo'. Wait until you meet my family. At Thanksgiving, we kill everything we can find, put it into a pot, and call it 'holiday gumbo'.
Molly Harper quotes: It's always a pleasure to see you," I told him, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "Remember, red lights are for quitters. It's always a pleasure to see you," I told him, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "Remember, red lights are for quitters.
Molly Harper quotes: The love of a good woman can save a man" I remember Gabriel saying. "Or it can drive him to fits of unspeakable madness. The love of a good woman can save a man" I remember Gabriel saying. "Or it can drive him to fits of unspeakable madness.
Molly Harper quotes: I hated her out of principle; and that principle was bitterness. I hated her out of principle; and that principle was bitterness.
Molly Harper quotes: Finn was an enigma wrapped in a riddle coated in misdirection. He was a burrito of dishonesty. Finn was an enigma wrapped in a riddle coated in misdirection. He was a burrito of dishonesty.
Molly Harper quotes: Trivia monologue. You are so the man for me. Trivia monologue. You are so the man for me.
Molly Harper quotes: Tell them you're pregnant with a married minister's baby, then say, "Just kidding! I'm a vampire,'" she suggested. Tell them you're pregnant with a married minister's baby, then say, "Just kidding! I'm a vampire,'" she suggested.
Molly Harper quotes: See, you feel better now that you've hit something. See, you feel better now that you've hit something.
Molly Harper quotes: Cooper! Help!'The coward turned and walked into the kitchen as if he hadn't seen me getting frogmarched by the estrogen squad. Cooper! Help!'
The coward turned and walked into the kitchen as if he hadn't seen me getting frogmarched by the estrogen squad.
Molly Harper quotes: It felt like life had thrown a pie right in my face. And that pie was full of bricks. It felt like life had thrown a pie right in my face. And that pie was full of bricks.
Molly Harper quotes: Some people should not be allowed access to the Internet. Some people should not be allowed access to the Internet.
Molly Harper quotes: Some vampires wouldn't react if you shoved a rosary down their pants, though I wouldn't recommend testing the theory. Some vampires wouldn't react if you shoved a rosary down their pants, though I wouldn't recommend testing the theory.
Molly Harper quotes: Oh, go sting the BumbleBee. Oh, go sting the BumbleBee.
Molly Harper quotes: It was not healthy for one man's smile to make my panties spontaneously combust It was not healthy for one man's smile to make my panties spontaneously combust
Molly Harper quotes: And I was beginning to suspect that Andrea was slipping extra espresso into her magical mystery coffee potions because "caffeinated Jane" amused her. And I was beginning to suspect that Andrea was slipping extra espresso into her magical mystery coffee potions because "caffeinated Jane" amused her.
Molly Harper quotes: What part of 'drinking and not talking' did I not make clear?" Dick demanded. What part of 'drinking and not talking' did I not make clear?" Dick demanded.
Molly Harper quotes: Did I just get psychically pimp-slapped by a little old lady? Did I just get psychically pimp-slapped by a little old lady?
Molly Harper quotes: My mother had spent one hundred dollars on shipping to send me cookies, antimeat propaganda, and laxatives. My mother had spent one hundred dollars on shipping to send me cookies, antimeat propaganda, and laxatives.
Molly Harper quotes: The first rule of caring for a stray vampire: Don't tell anyone you're taking care of a stray vampire. - The Care and Feeding of Stray Vampires The first rule of caring for a stray vampire: Don't tell anyone you're taking care of a stray vampire. - The Care and Feeding of Stray Vampires
Molly Harper quotes: Delicious baked goods were the great work hostility equalizer, no matter how unorthodox the workplace. Delicious baked goods were the great work hostility equalizer, no matter how unorthodox the workplace.
Molly Harper quotes: What was the step down from vampire chauffeur? Werewolf walker?Pedicurist for Bigfoot? I would have to Google that in the morning, I told myself. What was the step down from vampire chauffeur? Werewolf walker?
Pedicurist for Bigfoot? I would have to Google that in the morning, I told myself.
Molly Harper quotes: And while the Council generally tolerates murder, it finds murder for hire distasteful. And while the Council generally tolerates murder, it finds murder for hire distasteful.
Molly Harper quotes: It's hard to forget a woman who manages to seduce you while spouting odd literary trivia and anatomically specific threats. It's hard to forget a woman who manages to seduce you while spouting odd literary trivia and anatomically specific threats.
Molly Harper quotes: If Finn had brought me something with bubbles, I probably would have performed explicit favors for him involving feathers and chocolate pudding. If Finn had brought me something with bubbles, I probably would have performed explicit favors for him involving feathers and chocolate pudding.
Molly Harper quotes: Well, now I felt horrible. I'd marred perfectly good ass cheeks for no reason. It was as if I'd sneezed on the Mona Lisa. Well, now I felt horrible. I'd marred perfectly good ass cheeks for no reason. It was as if I'd sneezed on the Mona Lisa.
Molly Harper quotes: A boot up the ass could be considered a 'nudge' right? A boot up the ass could be considered a 'nudge' right?
Molly Harper quotes: My grandma Ruthie, Jettie's sister, had been married four times, so many times I started calling every old man I saw at the grocery store Grandpa. My grandma Ruthie, Jettie's sister, had been married four times, so many times I started calling every old man I saw at the grocery store Grandpa.
Molly Harper quotes: To say I had some pent-up anger would be like saying Britney Spears had minor impulse-control issues. To say I had some pent-up anger would be like saying Britney Spears had minor impulse-control issues.
Molly Harper quotes: Please don't mix Marvel and DC references. You're better than that, he said, shaking his head disdainfully. Please don't mix Marvel and DC references. You're better than that, he said, shaking his head disdainfully.
Molly Harper quotes: You're right, it was a bad phone," I said, lifting an eyebrow. "Look at it, lying there, all superior. The phone had it coming. You're right, it was a bad phone," I said, lifting an eyebrow. "Look at it, lying there, all superior. The phone had it coming.
Molly Harper quotes: If you want to hurt me fine. Take my books. Burn down my house. Shave my head while I'm sleeping. But nobody nobody screws with my dog. If you want to hurt me fine. Take my books. Burn down my house. Shave my head while I'm sleeping. But nobody nobody screws with my dog.
Molly Harper quotes: Stupid werewolf ninja sperm. Stupid werewolf ninja sperm.
Molly Harper quotes: When a naked man shows up on your doorstep with a bear trap clamped around his ankle, it's best just to do what he asks When a naked man shows up on your doorstep with a bear trap clamped around his ankle, it's best just to do what he asks
Molly Harper quotes: Note to self: Try to stop reacting to surprises like a cartoon character.Jane Jameson Note to self: Try to stop reacting to surprises like a cartoon character.
Jane Jameson
Molly Harper quotes: Team Jacob: Because Vampires Shouldn't Sparkle Team Jacob: Because Vampires Shouldn't Sparkle
Molly Harper quotes: Are you going to answer my questions, or do I have to whack you with a stick until delicious candy surprises fall out? Are you going to answer my questions, or do I have to whack you with a stick until delicious candy surprises fall out?
Molly Harper quotes: So, you purchased ancient Babylonian texts, which may or may not call forth Gozer the Destroyer, on eBay? Zeb asked. So, you purchased ancient Babylonian texts, which may or may not call forth Gozer the Destroyer, on eBay? Zeb asked.
Molly Harper quotes: They were barely children, really, more like hyper badgers in Abercrombie and Fitch T-shirts. They were barely children, really, more like hyper badgers in Abercrombie and Fitch T-shirts.
Molly Harper quotes: Don't say "intimate relations." "Happy Naked Fun Time?" Gabriel suggested. "Exactly." I nodded. Don't say "intimate relations." "Happy Naked Fun Time?" Gabriel suggested. "Exactly." I nodded.
Molly Harper quotes: Well, that cinched it. He was an asshole. I was definitely going to end up sleeping with him. Well, that cinched it. He was an asshole. I was definitely going to end up sleeping with him.
Molly Harper quotes: I look like Barbara Bush in drag." Aunt Jettie I look like Barbara Bush in drag." Aunt Jettie
Molly Harper quotes: You're pulling a Lassie on me, aren't you? You're pulling a Lassie on me, aren't you?
Molly Harper quotes: This is how southern woman worked all peaches in cream laced with arsenic This is how southern woman worked all peaches in cream laced with arsenic
Molly Harper quotes: You can't just leave a Mississippi Mud Mountain half-eaten! We leave no cupcake behind! You can't just leave a Mississippi Mud Mountain half-eaten! We leave no cupcake behind!
Molly Harper quotes: This is not how people behave in a Cracker Barrel! This is not how people behave in a Cracker Barrel!
Molly Harper quotes: If God didn't want us to eat the animals, He wouldn't have made them so tasty. If God didn't want us to eat the animals, He wouldn't have made them so tasty.
Molly Harper quotes: Wow, you are truly master of the single entendre." I rolled my eyes. "Do your lines work on anybody, ever? Wow, you are truly master of the single entendre." I rolled my eyes. "Do your lines work on anybody, ever?
Molly Harper quotes: She was wearing her favorite UK T-shirt that read, I Bleed Blue. She was wearing her favorite UK T-shirt that read, I Bleed Blue.
Molly Harper quotes: I tend to bake when I'm upset. Or bored ... or premenstrual ... or if it's Tuesday. I'll use any excuse. I tend to bake when I'm upset. Or bored ... or premenstrual ... or if it's Tuesday. I'll use any excuse.
Molly Harper quotes: Do I have to give you the 'Hurt my friend, and you will wake up with my foot lodged in your nether regions' speech?" I asked. Do I have to give you the 'Hurt my friend, and you will wake up with my foot lodged in your nether regions' speech?" I asked.
Molly Harper quotes: The brain may die, but my compulsion for useless trivia lives on. The brain may die, but my compulsion for useless trivia lives on.
Molly Harper quotes: Misery, thy name is Mudslide Misery, thy name is Mudslide
Molly Harper quotes: Love? Love is for children and poor people... Love? Love is for children and poor people...
Molly Harper quotes: Nothing says 'I'm not that into you', like taser-fire. Nothing says 'I'm not that into you', like taser-fire.
Molly Harper quotes: Zeb was kindergarten teachera good one. I always thought it was because he was the same emotional age as his students. Zeb was kindergarten teacher
a good one. I always thought it was because he was the same emotional age as his students.
Molly Harper quotes: Sometimes I marveled at how grown-up we'd all become, and then Dick would recite a sixteen-stanza penis-based epic poem, and I'd take it back. Sometimes I marveled at how grown-up we'd all become, and then Dick would recite a sixteen-stanza penis-based epic poem, and I'd take it back.
Molly Harper quotes: She could have had a heart attack!" Jenny insisted. "Oh, please, Ruthie's an unstoppable force of nature, like the Black Plague or Richard Simmons. She could have had a heart attack!" Jenny insisted. "Oh, please, Ruthie's an unstoppable force of nature, like the Black Plague or Richard Simmons.
Molly Harper quotes: The man was an unpredictable, sexy storm cloud. I never knew if he was going to make pretty shapes or rain all over my parade. The man was an unpredictable, sexy storm cloud. I never knew if he was going to make pretty shapes or rain all over my parade.
Molly Harper quotes: There was not a lot of room for someone like me, who kept the gossip mill running like a hamster wheel. There was not a lot of room for someone like me, who kept the gossip mill running like a hamster wheel.
Molly Harper quotes: Go on, you've claimed your thirty pieces of silver, go do something crazy like put gas in that penis replacement you call transportation. Go on, you've claimed your thirty pieces of silver, go do something crazy like put gas in that penis replacement you call transportation.
Molly Harper quotes: Are you sure about that he called off the wedding, Jolene? Sometimes Zeb misspells stuff in e-mails, and it comes across badly. Are you sure about that he called off the wedding, Jolene? Sometimes Zeb misspells stuff in e-mails, and it comes across badly.
Molly Harper quotes: What do you want from me, Maggie? Advice? Absolution? Go forth and be a bitch no more. What do you want from me, Maggie? Advice? Absolution? Go forth and be a bitch no more.
Molly Harper quotes: Leaving knots untied and scattering seeds to distract them will only work on vampires with OCD. Leaving knots untied and scattering seeds to distract them will only work on vampires with OCD.
Molly Harper quotes: Why is everyone so surprised that I have a stun gun?" "Because I've seen you staple your hand to a purchase order," Andrea told me. Why is everyone so surprised that I have a stun gun?" "Because I've seen you staple your hand to a purchase order," Andrea told me.
Molly Harper quotes: Was prepared for one baby. I don't know if I can handle two." "It's a little late for that. There's a very strict no-return policy on babies. Was prepared for one baby. I don't know if I can handle two." "It's a little late for that. There's a very strict no-return policy on babies.
Molly Harper quotes: Maybe we could put you in one of those plastic hamster balls for your protection. Maybe we could put you in one of those plastic hamster balls for your protection.
Molly Harper quotes: When we were kids, Mama used to ask, "If Zeb wanted to jump off the roof, would you do it, too?" And as it turned out, the answer was yes. When we were kids, Mama used to ask, "If Zeb wanted to jump off the roof, would you do it, too?" And as it turned out, the answer was yes.
Molly Harper quotes: Really. How do you respond when someone gifts you with nonlethal law-enforcement equipment? Really. How do you respond when someone gifts you with nonlethal law-enforcement equipment?
Molly Harper quotes: Wait, Richard Cheney, as in Dick Cheney? You're a vampire named Dick Cheney? Somehow, that makes you seem more evil. Wait, Richard Cheney, as in Dick Cheney? You're a vampire named Dick Cheney? Somehow, that makes you seem more evil.
Molly Harper quotes: I don't care what tomorrow brings, as long as I have you. I don't care what tomorrow brings, as long as I have you.
Molly Harper quotes: I leaned my forehead against his. I will repay you in unspeakable physical favors if you can erase any trace of this party from my memory. I leaned my forehead against his. I will repay you in unspeakable physical favors if you can erase any trace of this party from my memory.
Molly Harper quotes: Maybe the problem was that we never struggled. We just coasted along. The thing about coasting is that it usually means you're going downhill. Maybe the problem was that we never struggled. We just coasted along. The thing about coasting is that it usually means you're going downhill.
Molly Harper quotes: I let Eli blow so much smoke up my skirt I'm surprised I don't have ass cancer. I let Eli blow so much smoke up my skirt I'm surprised I don't have ass cancer.
Molly Harper quotes: I sighed. 'Ah spite, the stuff of fairy tales. I sighed. 'Ah spite, the stuff of fairy tales.
Molly Harper quotes: I love you, too, Stretch," he said, giving my shoulder a brief squeeze. "You're the sister I never really wanted." "Nice. I love you, too, Stretch," he said, giving my shoulder a brief squeeze. "You're the sister I never really wanted." "Nice.
Molly Harper quotes: When you've taken all you can, walk away. Be the bigger person. Or at least find a bigger person. When you've taken all you can, walk away. Be the bigger person. Or at least find a bigger person.
Molly Harper quotes: [Dad] once told Cooper that the trick to a happy life was to find the person you can't breathe without and marry her. [Dad] once told Cooper that the trick to a happy life was to find the person you can't breathe without and marry her.
Molly Harper quotes: Caleb? I knew it wasn't likely, what with the Caleb? I knew it wasn't likely, what with the
Molly Harper quotes: He ground into me. His denim covered OHMYGOD pressing into my hot uncovered ... lady business. I really had to start using grown up words. He ground into me. His denim covered OHMYGOD pressing into my hot uncovered ... lady business. I really had to start using grown up words.
Molly Harper quotes: I supplied in a tone so saccharine that it should have tipped him off that his testicular health was in serious peril. I supplied in a tone so saccharine that it should have tipped him off that his testicular health was in serious peril.
Molly Harper quotes: Visiting Specialty Books was like living in an episode of Extreme Hoarders: Bibliophiles. Visiting Specialty Books was like living in an episode of Extreme Hoarders: Bibliophiles.
Molly Harper quotes: So, you think we should have Naked Happy Fun Time because I didn't get to see all of your moves? So, you think we should have Naked Happy Fun Time because I didn't get to see all of your moves?
Molly Harper quotes: You've got sex hair ... or crazy cat lady hair. They're remarkably similar. You've got sex hair ... or crazy cat lady hair. They're remarkably similar.
Molly Harper quotes: THE BLUE GLACIER SALOON was part general store, part restaurant, part bar. It was my fantasy come true, a Stuckey's that served shots. THE BLUE GLACIER SALOON was part general store, part restaurant, part bar. It was my fantasy come true, a Stuckey's that served shots.
Molly Harper quotes: Ophelia was beating some poor underling for not knowing her arse from the sparse collection of cells between her ears. Ophelia was beating some poor underling for not knowing her arse from the sparse collection of cells between her ears.
Molly Harper quotes: Women are terrifying creatures who sometimes expect the men around us to read our minds. Women are terrifying creatures who sometimes expect the men around us to read our minds.
Molly Harper quotes: Lace it with Ex-Lax. It will do her some good. Lace it with Ex-Lax. It will do her some good.
Molly Harper quotes: The fact that I could correctly make a reference to the Borg was probably part of the reason I was not being accepted into the Collective. The fact that I could correctly make a reference to the Borg was probably part of the reason I was not being accepted into the Collective.
Molly Harper quotes: Besides if we went to jail I would sell you for cigarettes. Besides if we went to jail I would sell you for cigarettes.
Molly Harper quotes: The two of them had a strange chemistry, like ammonia and bleach. The two of them had a strange chemistry, like ammonia and bleach.
Molly Harper quotes: Where do you even buy a black lace handkerchief? Widows R Us? Where do you even buy a black lace handkerchief? Widows R Us?
Molly Harper quotes: Two hundred years of work experience was a human resources nightmare. Two hundred years of work experience was a human resources nightmare.
Molly Harper quotes: I think the very word stalking implies that you're not supposed to like it. Otherwise, it would be called 'fluffy harmless observation time'. I think the very word stalking implies that you're not supposed to like it. Otherwise, it would be called 'fluffy harmless observation time'.
Molly Harper quotes: She was the type of librarian who has "Reading is supposed to be educational, not fun" tattooed somewhere. She was the type of librarian who has "Reading is supposed to be educational, not fun" tattooed somewhere.
Molly Harper quotes: Hi Maggie, it's nice to see you again,' he said, smiling so sweetly I thought I might need insulin. Hi Maggie, it's nice to see you again,' he said, smiling so sweetly I thought I might need insulin.

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