Molly Harper quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Molly Harper

Molly Harper Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Molly Harper on Wise Famous Quotes.

The catch was that we could never break up, because I had run out of friends who were willing to help us move.

Besides, my drinking blood's not nearly as weird as that time I caught you shaving your legs."
"I was curious!

I'm not adorable," Wade protested. "I am manly and grizzled and have no emotions. None.

I wonder if it would be unethical for me to turn James Marsters? And then force him to fake the Cockney accent? And then make him my love monkey?

The element of surprise is vastly overrated in any relationship.

Wait until you meet my family. At Thanksgiving, we kill everything we can find, put it into a pot, and call it 'holiday gumbo'.

It's always a pleasure to see you," I told him, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "Remember, red lights are for quitters.

The love of a good woman can save a man" I remember Gabriel saying. "Or it can drive him to fits of unspeakable madness.

I hated her out of principle; and that principle was bitterness.

Finn was an enigma wrapped in a riddle coated in misdirection. He was a burrito of dishonesty.

Trivia monologue. You are so the man for me.

Tell them you're pregnant with a married minister's baby, then say, "Just kidding! I'm a vampire,'" she suggested.

See, you feel better now that you've hit something.

Cooper! Help!'
The coward turned and walked into the kitchen as if he hadn't seen me getting frogmarched by the estrogen squad.

It felt like life had thrown a pie right in my face. And that pie was full of bricks.

Some people should not be allowed access to the Internet.

Some vampires wouldn't react if you shoved a rosary down their pants, though I wouldn't recommend testing the theory.

Oh, go sting the BumbleBee.

It was not healthy for one man's smile to make my panties spontaneously combust

And I was beginning to suspect that Andrea was slipping extra espresso into her magical mystery coffee potions because "caffeinated Jane" amused her.

What part of 'drinking and not talking' did I not make clear?" Dick demanded.

Did I just get psychically pimp-slapped by a little old lady?

My mother had spent one hundred dollars on shipping to send me cookies, antimeat propaganda, and laxatives.

The first rule of caring for a stray vampire: Don't tell anyone you're taking care of a stray vampire. - The Care and Feeding of Stray Vampires

Delicious baked goods were the great work hostility equalizer, no matter how unorthodox the workplace.

What was the step down from vampire chauffeur? Werewolf walker?
Pedicurist for Bigfoot? I would have to Google that in the morning, I told myself.

And while the Council generally tolerates murder, it finds murder for hire distasteful.

It's hard to forget a woman who manages to seduce you while spouting odd literary trivia and anatomically specific threats.

If Finn had brought me something with bubbles, I probably would have performed explicit favors for him involving feathers and chocolate pudding.

Well, now I felt horrible. I'd marred perfectly good ass cheeks for no reason. It was as if I'd sneezed on the Mona Lisa.

A boot up the ass could be considered a 'nudge' right?

My grandma Ruthie, Jettie's sister, had been married four times, so many times I started calling every old man I saw at the grocery store Grandpa.

To say I had some pent-up anger would be like saying Britney Spears had minor impulse-control issues.

Please don't mix Marvel and DC references. You're better than that, he said, shaking his head disdainfully.

You're right, it was a bad phone," I said, lifting an eyebrow. "Look at it, lying there, all superior. The phone had it coming.

If you want to hurt me fine. Take my books. Burn down my house. Shave my head while I'm sleeping. But nobody nobody screws with my dog.

Stupid werewolf ninja sperm.

When a naked man shows up on your doorstep with a bear trap clamped around his ankle, it's best just to do what he asks

Note to self: Try to stop reacting to surprises like a cartoon character.
Jane Jameson

Team Jacob: Because Vampires Shouldn't Sparkle

Are you going to answer my questions, or do I have to whack you with a stick until delicious candy surprises fall out?

So, you purchased ancient Babylonian texts, which may or may not call forth Gozer the Destroyer, on eBay? Zeb asked.

They were barely children, really, more like hyper badgers in Abercrombie and Fitch T-shirts.

Don't say "intimate relations." "Happy Naked Fun Time?" Gabriel suggested. "Exactly." I nodded.

Well, that cinched it. He was an asshole. I was definitely going to end up sleeping with him.

I look like Barbara Bush in drag." Aunt Jettie

You're pulling a Lassie on me, aren't you?

This is how southern woman worked all peaches in cream laced with arsenic

You can't just leave a Mississippi Mud Mountain half-eaten! We leave no cupcake behind!

This is not how people behave in a Cracker Barrel!

If God didn't want us to eat the animals, He wouldn't have made them so tasty.

Wow, you are truly master of the single entendre." I rolled my eyes. "Do your lines work on anybody, ever?

She was wearing her favorite UK T-shirt that read, I Bleed Blue.

I tend to bake when I'm upset. Or bored ... or premenstrual ... or if it's Tuesday. I'll use any excuse.

Do I have to give you the 'Hurt my friend, and you will wake up with my foot lodged in your nether regions' speech?" I asked.

The brain may die, but my compulsion for useless trivia lives on.

Misery, thy name is Mudslide

Love? Love is for children and poor people...

Nothing says 'I'm not that into you', like taser-fire.

Zeb was kindergarten teacher
a good one. I always thought it was because he was the same emotional age as his students.

Sometimes I marveled at how grown-up we'd all become, and then Dick would recite a sixteen-stanza penis-based epic poem, and I'd take it back.

She could have had a heart attack!" Jenny insisted. "Oh, please, Ruthie's an unstoppable force of nature, like the Black Plague or Richard Simmons.

The man was an unpredictable, sexy storm cloud. I never knew if he was going to make pretty shapes or rain all over my parade.

There was not a lot of room for someone like me, who kept the gossip mill running like a hamster wheel.

Go on, you've claimed your thirty pieces of silver, go do something crazy like put gas in that penis replacement you call transportation.

Are you sure about that he called off the wedding, Jolene? Sometimes Zeb misspells stuff in e-mails, and it comes across badly.

What do you want from me, Maggie? Advice? Absolution? Go forth and be a bitch no more.

Leaving knots untied and scattering seeds to distract them will only work on vampires with OCD.

Why is everyone so surprised that I have a stun gun?" "Because I've seen you staple your hand to a purchase order," Andrea told me.

Was prepared for one baby. I don't know if I can handle two." "It's a little late for that. There's a very strict no-return policy on babies.

Maybe we could put you in one of those plastic hamster balls for your protection.

When we were kids, Mama used to ask, "If Zeb wanted to jump off the roof, would you do it, too?" And as it turned out, the answer was yes.

Really. How do you respond when someone gifts you with nonlethal law-enforcement equipment?

Wait, Richard Cheney, as in Dick Cheney? You're a vampire named Dick Cheney? Somehow, that makes you seem more evil.

I don't care what tomorrow brings, as long as I have you.

I leaned my forehead against his. I will repay you in unspeakable physical favors if you can erase any trace of this party from my memory.

Maybe the problem was that we never struggled. We just coasted along. The thing about coasting is that it usually means you're going downhill.

I let Eli blow so much smoke up my skirt I'm surprised I don't have ass cancer.

I sighed. 'Ah spite, the stuff of fairy tales.

I love you, too, Stretch," he said, giving my shoulder a brief squeeze. "You're the sister I never really wanted." "Nice.

When you've taken all you can, walk away. Be the bigger person. Or at least find a bigger person.

[Dad] once told Cooper that the trick to a happy life was to find the person you can't breathe without and marry her.

Caleb? I knew it wasn't likely, what with the

He ground into me. His denim covered OHMYGOD pressing into my hot uncovered ... lady business. I really had to start using grown up words.

I supplied in a tone so saccharine that it should have tipped him off that his testicular health was in serious peril.

Visiting Specialty Books was like living in an episode of Extreme Hoarders: Bibliophiles.

So, you think we should have Naked Happy Fun Time because I didn't get to see all of your moves?

You've got sex hair ... or crazy cat lady hair. They're remarkably similar.

THE BLUE GLACIER SALOON was part general store, part restaurant, part bar. It was my fantasy come true, a Stuckey's that served shots.

Ophelia was beating some poor underling for not knowing her arse from the sparse collection of cells between her ears.

Women are terrifying creatures who sometimes expect the men around us to read our minds.

Lace it with Ex-Lax. It will do her some good.

The fact that I could correctly make a reference to the Borg was probably part of the reason I was not being accepted into the Collective.

Besides if we went to jail I would sell you for cigarettes.

The two of them had a strange chemistry, like ammonia and bleach.

Where do you even buy a black lace handkerchief? Widows R Us?

Two hundred years of work experience was a human resources nightmare.

I think the very word stalking implies that you're not supposed to like it. Otherwise, it would be called 'fluffy harmless observation time'.

She was the type of librarian who has "Reading is supposed to be educational, not fun" tattooed somewhere.

Hi Maggie, it's nice to see you again,' he said, smiling so sweetly I thought I might need insulin.