Janet Evanovich Quotes

Her concept of paradise was something more immediate: a book and a blanket beneath a tree, where she might read in peace.

I've finally reached a stage in my career where I can do what I want.

I could help you," I said. "Counseling, drugs, a religious advisor, a girlfriend.

One Ranger is all you'll ever need. - Ranger

And listened for Lula's knock on his door.

Ranger plays by his own set of rules, and I don't have a complete copy.

I think money isn't any good sitting around, so I spend some time in the shoe department at Saks.

I had a long history of calamitous mishaps.

My leg over the bike. Ranger was watching me, smiling. "I like the way you straddle that," he said. "Someday . . .

And something chocolate, of course. A meal was not a meal without some sort of chocolate for desert.

I had dinner at your parents' house three days ago and once a week is my limit. Joe to Stephanie.

Did you pack an extra gun?" "Of course," she said. "You can never have too many weapons." Jake smiled. "I raised you right.

He pulled his nose out of her cleavage and turned to me. "Gaylord Brown," he said. "It's the perfect name because I'm gay and I'm brown.

I really wouldn't classify the books as mysteries. I prefer to say that they're adventures.

I don't think his elevator went all the way to the top anymore, if you know what I mean

Since I write in first person and have no idea what goes on in men's heads.

My mother fainted. Crash, onto the floor with the big wooden spoon still in her hand.

Congratulations. You caught yourself a Munchkin.

If God had wanted me to lose weight he would have made sure there was creamed spinach for dessert.

About that proposal, cupcake..."
Morelli

Ranger was waiting. He was dressed in black slacks, a form-fitting black T-shirt, and a black blazer.

Um, Emerson?" she said. "I've reached the end of my rope.

And when I was in the trunk, I saw Jesus. And the Virgin Mary. And Ozzy Osbourne.

Buffet." "Do you know what casino she

I'm so busy writing and editing two books a year that I don't have time for painting anymore.

I knew there were no such things as death cooties. Unfortunately, that's an intellectual fact. And death cooties are an emotional reality.

My sex life is okay."
"Yeah," Morelli said. "But sometimes it's fun to have a partner.

I take in a lot of stuff from real life, movies, television, news and it all gets mixed in my head and somehow turns into a story idea.

He had a body like batman

You don't have to be there to be there.

Almost everybody I know has died," Grandma said. "Bunch of wimps.

Riley reminded herself that she was a professional, and stabbing Emerson with her nail file wouldn't be appropriate.

I'll go with you," Lula said. "Maybe I'll get a look at the killer Chihuahuas. And besides, I want to ride in Ranger's Porsche.

When I was pink and clean I crawled into bed and pretended I was at Disney World.

They have enough testosterone between them, if testosterone were electricity they could light up New York City for the month of August

Nice dress. Take it off.

You can run, but you can't hide, Cupcake." Morelli said. "I'll find you."
"You are such a cop."
"Tell me about it.

THERE ARE SOME MEN who enter a woman's life and screw it up forever. Joseph Morelli did this to me - not forever, but periodically.

You can't put cuffs on Mr. Cluck! What will the kids think? Stuart Bagget

Get me a gun. If I don't go into labor soon, I'm going to shoot myself. And pass the gravy. Pass it now.
Valerie - To the Nines

It's been almost a month since you found a body. I knew you were due.
Carl Costanza - Seven Up

Omygod, I haven't got years. I'll have to hide in the Bat Cave."
"Once you go to the Bat Cave it's forever, babe."
Eeek.

It's not a nice thing to send a penis to a woman. It's disrespectful.

I met a real looker. He picked me up at the two dollar slot machines, so you know he's no cheapskate.
Grandma Mazur

I need mood music. I gotta get myself ready to kick butt.
Lula - High Five

Holy Crap,' Carolli said. 'You shot Jesus. That's gonna take a lot of Hail Marys.

I was going to go to church, but I decided to get doughnuts instead.

I'm a real voyeur.

Suppose something goes wrong? Suppose you need a big full-figure woman like me to help straighten things out? Lula

I guessed my mother figured if my father got right down to the task of eating he wouldn't be so inclined to jump up and strangle my grandmother.

You must be a terrible burden to your mother. I am feeling so sorry for her not to have a proper daughter.
Mrs. Apusenja - To the Nines

There's a small possibility that I might be a murder suspect
Stephanie

You always did have a problem with undies. Remember when you wet your pants in the second grade?
- Joyce Barnhardt

Damn, I thought everyone carried a gun in New Jersey!!!

I rolled my eyes so far into the back of my head I saw myself Thinking- Stephanie Plum High Five

every other aspect of his life. He had the

As a backup, I intended to get a quart of defense spray. I wasn't much good with a gun, but I was bitchin' with an aerosol can.

I think you should go shopping first. I like when you bring all that kinky stuff home.

Morelli grinned down at me. I don't know where he's getting it, but he's got some really good shit in those brownies.

Ranger was dressed in jeans and a black T-shirt and boots,

Stroll around and look sexy, ask annoying questions, in general get on everyone's nerves. All those things that come naturally to you.

I was watching television and I saw how you stick your fingers in a person's eyes to slow them down.
Grandma Mazur

Don't you just hate a phony-looking stiff? - Aunt Edna

I heard about them Rangers on TV," Grandma said. "I heard they get dogs pregnant." -Grandma Mazur

There was no expression to his face. He looked like he'd seen it all and didn't think much of it.

And from where I was sitting his ass looked like little Bear's bed ... not too hard, and not too soft, but just right.

Look at you! You look like Rangeman Barbie. You got a gun and everything.
-Lula

Ranger Smiled. 'You want me to be Superman? Spend the night with me.

It's fucking hard to be classy

Pete- What does a woman want out of marriage?
Louisa- Undying devotion and a warm place to put her cold feet when she gets into bed at night.

This is war,' I yelled through the door.
Lucky for me,' Morelli said. 'I give good war.

Okay, so this had all the makings of a cluster fuck, but there was a Dairy Queen Oreo Cheese-Quake Blizzard waiting for me somewhere.

The problem with all that falling in love was that eventually it had to come to an end, and the end would be painful.

Bullets are creepy."
Stephenie

Are you a feminist?" "You bet your ass," Lula said. "Unless I need something done that's man's work.

I have you listed under entertainment," Ranger said,

THREE TO GET DEADLY

My Spanish is limited to burrito and taco,

I almost never shoot people.

Do you know what I did? I urrrrrinated on the cake at my ex-wife's wedding. Pissssed all over the icing.
Melvin Baylor - Seven Up

I took all of my rejection letters - there must have been thousands of them in a huge box - and I went out on the curb and burned them all, crying.

And the closest I've come to an out-of-body experience was when Joe Morelli took his mouth to me fourteen years ago, behind the eclair case.

What's on your bucket list?" I asked. "I got six things so far," Grandma said. "First off, I want new breasts. These ones I got are a mess.

Saved by the grandma"
Ranger

Are you laughing? I can feel you laughing. My life isn't funny!" "Babe, your life should be a prime-time sitcom.

Drawn, eyes wide. "Holy Toledo," she said. "I called everyone I could think of while I was driving," Sally said.

You fainted," I told Tank. "I did not," Tank said. "That's a lie.

It means that he looks like my boyfriend, but I don't say it out loud.

You're a lunatic. You ran me over with a goddamn Buick.

The other hand wanted to wrap itself around Ranger's most perfect body part and not let go.

I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.

This isn't just a job. This is a service profession. We uphold the law, babe.
Ranger

It's not a good idea to mess with a woman who has a pimple

Maybe your pregnant. Oops, hold on, you're not pregnant, on account of you're not gettin any.

Holy Mary, mother of God," my mother said. "You were being chased by Richard Nixon, Bill Clinton, and a rabbit.

I think I got a bruise from landing on you. I hear bacon is real good for healing a bruise.

Honey, a man can't keep his gun in a cookie jar. It just isn't done.

Two windows," she said with a smile. "And there's no such word as besweatered." "It's like bespectacled, only with a sweater.

Do you believe in God?" I asked Lula. "Fuckin' A I believe in God. Don't you believe in God?" "I believe in something. It's vague.

Well, sure, but I don't bring God into it. I think shower massage might have been invented by the devil. God invented the missionary position.