Billy Crystal Quotes

The Passion of the Christ opened up on Ash Wednesday, had a Good Friday.

If you do something for the first time, you will always remember it. If your Dad has something to do with it, you write about it.

I never worry that I'll die in my sleep, because I'm never asleep!

That's the thing about jazz: it's free flowing, it comes from your soul.

When you realize you want to invest the rest of your lifestyle with somebody, you want the rest of your life to commence as quickly as achievable.

I'm comfortable being old ... being black ... being Jewish.

My granddaughter's birth has made me want to create things she will love.

Bambi, to a kid, was scary.

I had a dream that Connie Chung is doing a newscast about my death and they show a clip from Soap.

My grandparents invented joylessness. They were not fun. I've already had more fun with my grandchildren than my grandparents ever had with me.

I can't be funny if my feet don't feel right.

I'm married - I've caught my limit.

Nothing can take the sting off the world's economic problems like watching millionaires present each other golden statues.

What's so fascinating and frustrating and great about life is that you're constantly starting over, all the time, and I love that.

I'm going to go on just living and laughing and loving.

Don't give up your power.

We all have a different image of what old is, and if you were exposed to senior citizens at a young age, as I was, it can color your soul with terror.

But I had learned over the years that if you're not happy doing what you're doing, then you shouldn't be doing it.

Good news, they found Nemo! The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck's puff pastries.

I used to limp around my neighborhood imitating him. I did my Bar Mitzvah with an Oklahoma drawl.

I quit drinking. That was a big problem for a lot of years. Then after that, I just started feeling grateful again.

I didn't rebel as a child. I missed that angry teenager thing.

From the first time I saw Sid Caesar be funny I knew that's what I had to do.

I'm a baby. I sleep like a baby - I'm up every two hours. And I think a lot. I worry a lot. I have great nights of no sleep where ideas come.

You really have to have some muscle to be on the stage in front of the world.

I think when I feel I'm at my best is when I'm on stage, and it's my version of jazz because it's just riffing or something.

Thurmond - same thing. Kennedy, Eisenhower, Clinton ... all men of power, and the power went right to their pants. Even FDR fooled around. This

Gentlemen, start your egos.

It's money. I remember it from when I was single

I'm a sucker for a free tuxedo.

Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America's biggest export is now the Oscar.

As a director and an actor, I encourage improvisation but in character and in the moment of what it is.

You give up your dream, you give up.

I always was a performer, from the time I was little. It was always a natural place for me to be.

Humans love sex, we need sex, it's how we connect, it reminds us we're alive, it's the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.

Insomnia, from the Greek word meaning I can't fucking sleep!

At 60, I could do the same things I could do at 30, if I could only remember what those things are.

To be good, you need to believe in what you're doing.

I'm going to be your grandpa! / I have the biggest smile. / I've been waiting to meet you for such a long, long while.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

Change is such hard work.

It's more important to look good than to feel good.
Billy Crystal on Saturday Night Live

There's only, I think, in life, three things that I do pretty well: Performing, I still can field ground balls, and I make nice kids.

My dad, Jack, had a great sense of humour and had a strong impact on me and my humour.

Women need a reason for having sex, men just need a place

I'd like to think there is a Heaven, and it starts from the happiest day in your life.

I don't like heights. This is why I stopped growing at fifth grade.

Great news! Hosting Oscars counts five hours toward my community service!

Nothing can take the sting out of the world's economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.

Even when I was in school shows, in elementary school doing plays, I'd always go off book and start improvising.

Nobody is more truthful when he's acting than De Niro.