Tommy Cooper Quotes
Collection of top 44 famous quotes about Tommy Cooper
Tommy Cooper Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Tommy Cooper quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
— Tommy Cooper
I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.
— Tommy Cooper
So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
— Tommy Cooper
So a man jumps into a taxi and says "King Arthur's close" and the taxi driver says, "don't worry we'll lose him at the next lights".
— Tommy Cooper
My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
— Tommy Cooper
Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
— Tommy Cooper
'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'
— Tommy Cooper
A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.
— Tommy Cooper
So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".
— Tommy Cooper
I've been on the whisky diet - I've already lost three days!
— Tommy Cooper
So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?"
— Tommy Cooper
A policeman stopped me and said: Would you please blow into this bag, sir? I said: What for, officer? He said: My chips are too hot.
— Tommy Cooper
Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.
— Tommy Cooper
Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble. Unfortunately, one was a salted.
— Tommy Cooper
Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's." "Well you can't say fairer than that then
— Tommy Cooper
I always sit in the tail end of a plane, always. You never hear of an plane backing into a mountain.
— Tommy Cooper
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
— Tommy Cooper
I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
— Tommy Cooper
Performers like Tommy Cooper, who are always getting things wrong, are much more endearing than comedians who are sassy and smart.
— Adrian Edmondson
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
— Tommy Cooper
A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
— Tommy Cooper
My wife had a go at me last night. She said, Youll drive me to my grave. I had the car out in thirty seconds.
— Tommy Cooper
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
— Tommy Cooper
I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.
— Tommy Cooper
I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already.
— Tommy Cooper
spoon, jar, jar jar spoon
— Tommy Cooper
I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.
— Tommy Cooper
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.
— Tommy Cooper
A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.
— Tommy Cooper
Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.
— Tommy Cooper
