
That's what my penis is like: a beautiful, thorny rose. —
Dash Shaw

The size of Frank Sinatra's penis had been on my mind for weeks. I don't know why it was bothering me so much, but it was. —
Peter Evans

I'm just a woman with a penis! she would say, her voice rising. —
John Irving

Armando's penis is a banana. —
Hayden Wiseman

Do you want to know why men name their penis? So the most important decisions in their life aren't made by a stranger. —
Linda Howard

It's the invention of clothes, not nature, that made "private parts" private. —
Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Hey, calm down, OK? My penis isn't going to suddenly lunge at your face. —
Charlotte Stein

And thus he found his single source of joy in the society of other people: frightening the girls with his penis. —
Christopher Moore

I'll put an oven mitt on before I handle anything hot - including my penis. —
Jarod Kintz

Oh, doctor. I think I'm sick I need some penis-cilin. I fake cough again into my hand. —
S.K. Logsdon

My dick's wisdom impeded my ability to have meaningless intercourse. —
John Duover

A man's bank balance is the new penis size. —
Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Not permitted to desire another man's penis, the bodybuilder phallicizes that which he is permitted to desire: his own body. —
Mark Simpson

I have to say it's a bit traumatic at times, not knowing when the next penis will appear. —
Melina Marchetta

Life's like a penis; When it's soft you can't beat it; When it's hard you get screwed. - The Fat Man, Medical Resident in The House of God —
Samuel Shem

Let me put it this way. I wouldn't say she's a slut, but her favourite shade of lipstick is penis. —
Kristen Proby

It's a penis," Margo said, "in the same sense that Rhode Island is a state: it may have an illustrious history, but it sure isn't big. —
John Green

I have this thing that keeps me from being interested in prom dresses, it's called a penis. —
John Green

It doesn't matter, because I have found my match. It's Nick, laid-back and calm, smart and fun and uncomplicated. Untortured, happy. Nice. Big penis. —
Gillian Flynn

Whenever anyone tells me that history's boring, I bring up Napoleon's penis. —
Tony Perrottet

Once again, Rylann tried to catch the eye of the female bartender working Firelight's main bar.
One of the few times I've ever wished for a penis, —
Julie James

God's penis would still rank high among those vistas a priest and a nun could not comfortably share. —
James K. Morrow

Women never bought Freud's idea of penis envy: who would want a shotgun when you can have an automatic? —
Natalie Angier

There's only so much I can do aside from locking him in his room or super gluing a condom to his penis —
R.K. Ryals

Ship, lady. This here's a ship," he said defensively, as if she'd told him, "Your penis: I find it minuscule. —
Kresley Cole

To me how having a penis excuses you from the laws of gravity. —
Emma Chase

What if he'd just . . . I don't know . . . stuck it in, no warning or whatever. Like . . . SURPRISE! Here's a penis. —
Cora Carmack

It bears repeating that the human penis is the longest and thickest of any primate's - in both absolute and relative terms. —
Christopher Ryan

It took him a long, miserable time before he realized the truth of things: There is a great deal of difference between a penis and a heart. —
Patrick Rothfuss

They get this little nubbin of a penis," Dr. Karpman said. And no one, he said, likes having a nubbin. —
Sarah Varney

Look, I have a huge penis --Jake Wethers —
Samantha Towle

I am Dex Foray, the only penis involved in the show. And who might you be? —
Karina Halle

Grab his penis like this, and I guarantee, it's a done deal. —
Emily Giffin

What, does he have a sword for a penis? Fallon asked. —
Gail McHugh

Wad Rayyes, you're a man who talks. rubbish. Your whole brain's in the head of your penis and the head of your penis is as small as your brain. —
Tayeb Salih

I move my hand lower. His eyes drift shut. Lower. He lets out a groan. And then I touch it. "Shit," he breathes. "Penis," I squeak. —
Jay McLean

Trying not to look at his penis was proving harder than I'd thought it would be. —
Darynda Jones

I put the penis in happiness. I put it there, and I can pull it out too. (But why would I? That's why I'm wearing a condom.) —
Jarod Kintz

You're bored?" she says incredulously. "You have two hands and a penis. This shouldn't be a difficult equation. —
Abria Mattina

A hard penis has no conscience. —
Matthew Hardy

Did you hear about the baby just born that was both sexes? It had a penis and a brain. - overheard at the University of Oregon Medical School —
David James Duncan

Whenever someone implies that history is boring, I bring up Napoleon's penis. —
Tony Perrottet

All civilized wo/men are prostitutes: Some sell what's between their legs; the rest sell what's between their ears. —
Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I have followed my penis into hell
and returned with the story. —
Christopher Moore

Obedience is to a model ... what a huge penis is to a male porn star. —
Mokokoma Mokhonoana

You do know you're a woman, right?" I ask.
"Are you sure?" Olivia asks with an astonished face. "I thought I had a penis. —
Katelin LaMontagne

Art should grasp the mind the way the vagina grasps the penis-Marcel Duchamp —
Alice Goldfarb Marquis

A dork is a whale's penis. —
Jill Shalvis

I got it, Go said. Go home, fuck her brains out, then smack her with your penis and scream, There's some wood for you bitch! —
Gillian Flynn

Just 'Your mother.'" But it doesn't work if girls say it to each other," she continues. "You have to have a penis for it to affect you in such a way. —
Melina Marchetta

Aw, so he used you as a penis cozy and then left? Guys are pigs. —
Thomm Quackenbush

Wallis,' said Maturin, 'I am happy to see you. How is your penis? —
Patrick O'Brian

Oh God," she groaned. "We just named your penis. Honeymoon's over. —
Tessa Bailey

Yeah, listen you should really stop now, because I'm betting on the smartest thing that ever could come out of your mouth is a penis. —
Christine Zolendz

It doesn't say a damn thing. My pride deflates like a limp penis. —
Victoria Scott

A man's sexual organ is penis and woman's sexual organ is brains. —
DK Publishing

Her cousin had clearly found a kindred penis in Jack Kilroy. —
Kate Meader

I've never had this problem, but that damn Russian brought his big ole penis into bed with me and now no other man even measures up! —
Toni Aleo

We sent so many risque pictures to each other that I was pretty sure after that year I could pick out Jag's penis in a police lineup any old day. —
Harper Bentley

Cause that's all I want. A sweet, mature, normal, loving guy, with no baggage. And who has an absolutely enormous penis. —
Mindy Kaling

Never trust a man with a penis. —
Darynda Jones

You can't just accidentally penis somebody. —
Christopher Moore

Three year in prison and a dick is just another thing to put up your ass. —
Marlon James

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. —
Robin Williams

Oh-my-gosh-I-want-to-punch-you-in-the-penis! —
Brittainy C. Cherry

It's just empty boxers. Empty. It's not like there's a penis hiding in them. —
Cassie Mae

I took a deep breath and sighed in awe. My proverbial penis had just gotten a serious chubby. —
J.L. McCoy

If you think girls are supposed to object to sex until they find themselves incapable of resisting your magic penis, fuck you. —
Anna Kendrick

Of course you'd say that. That's your answer to everything. Rub some penis on it, it should clear right up. —
Veronica Larsen

Greetings people of Earth, we have come for your chocolate and your buxom women. We will negotiate only with Skyler Luiken's penis. —
Jason M. Hough