Penis's Quotes

I mean, I think people have this mentality that sex is only real if it involves a penis. — Becky Albertalli

I didn't try to say the penis word for Elaine. "Cock," I said to her. — John Irving

Anyone want some of my foot long sub? It's huge! It's nearly half as long as my penis. — Jarod Kintz

It's just a penis, right? Probably no worse for you than smoking. — David Sedaris

Nonsense. The sword is worth far more than that. I'll throw in a pair of penis. — Brandon Sanderson

Seeing your friend's penis and riding it hard moved us beyond the point of no return. — Becca Lee

Men are mystifying creatures. For instance why do all men think their penis is a panacea for all the world's problems? — Tyne O'Connell

Of course, I had met him. I shook his hand, and then my vagina shook his penis. — Addison Moore

If somebody asks if you tweeted your penis and your answer is anything other than "No," you tweeted your penis. — Bill Maher

You're the champion, I reminded myself. You have to fight a dragon. You're not allowed to be scared of a penis. — Nicole Peeler

In his mind he saw them standing with the tips of their organs pressed together ejaculating into each other's penis. — Dean Koontz

two Lesbian Agents with glazed faces of grafted penis flesh sat sipping spinal fluid through alabaster straws — William S. Burroughs

I think the last thing you should do to someone willing to put your penis in their mouth is give them criticism. — S.A. Tawks

Santa's Little Helper
Isn't it ironic that Homer calls his pet
the same name Marge calls his penis? — Beryl Dov

Really, for all the poetry in the world on the subject, when you get right down to it, it's mostly just boom! penis vagina. — Martin Leicht

Not everyone knows what it is to have your father's rival's penis inches from your nose. — Ian McEwan

I'm fairly penis-neutral in life class, but not at the moment, no siree. "You — Jandy Nelson

Writing is like pulling teeth out of your penis. — Jonathan Safran Foer

When we were in bed, the only part of me she touched was my penis, because it was the most detached. — Anatole Broyard

It's a penis,' Grandma said. 'Stephanie got it in the mail. It's a pretty good one too. — Janet Evanovich

It's a penis not an introduction to the president. — K. Webster

Somebody's on a man hunt. And she's accepting all applicants with a big wallet, a penis, and a beating heart. Good luck with that. — Kim Holden

Because if that's what she meant, then yes, I just stared at him. I didn't realize it was a conversation because penis. — Maggie Stiefvater

Don't stir the tea with your penis. — Jag Bhalla

Lawrence concluded that Alan's penis scheme must have finally found a taker. — Neal Stephenson

Well, fuck me. I was expecting someone-"
"With a penis and a deep voice? Sorry to disappoint. — Samantha Towle

I remember that night fondly. And by fondly, I mean with bitter resentment toward all things alcoholic and with a penis. — Tara Sivec

It's okay, my penis is not offended in the least that it just made you throw up — Tara Sivec

Will you hold on to my penis while I drive?"

"If it's absolutely necessary, yes. — Stephanie McAfee

It's not a nice thing to send a penis to a woman. It's disrespectful. — Janet Evanovich

That's what my penis is like: a beautiful, thorny rose. — Dash Shaw

The size of Frank Sinatra's penis had been on my mind for weeks. I don't know why it was bothering me so much, but it was. — Peter Evans

I'm just a woman with a penis! she would say, her voice rising. — John Irving

Armando's penis is a banana. — Hayden Wiseman

Do you want to know why men name their penis? So the most important decisions in their life aren't made by a stranger. — Linda Howard

It's the invention of clothes, not nature, that made "private parts" private. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Hey, calm down, OK? My penis isn't going to suddenly lunge at your face. — Charlotte Stein

And thus he found his single source of joy in the society of other people: frightening the girls with his penis. — Christopher Moore

I'll put an oven mitt on before I handle anything hot - including my penis. — Jarod Kintz

Oh, doctor. I think I'm sick I need some penis-cilin. I fake cough again into my hand. — S.K. Logsdon

My dick's wisdom impeded my ability to have meaningless intercourse. — John Duover

A man's bank balance is the new penis size. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Not permitted to desire another man's penis, the bodybuilder phallicizes that which he is permitted to desire: his own body. — Mark Simpson

I have to say it's a bit traumatic at times, not knowing when the next penis will appear. — Melina Marchetta

Life's like a penis; When it's soft you can't beat it; When it's hard you get screwed. - The Fat Man, Medical Resident in The House of God — Samuel Shem

Let me put it this way. I wouldn't say she's a slut, but her favourite shade of lipstick is penis. — Kristen Proby

It's a penis," Margo said, "in the same sense that Rhode Island is a state: it may have an illustrious history, but it sure isn't big. — John Green

I have this thing that keeps me from being interested in prom dresses, it's called a penis. — John Green

It doesn't matter, because I have found my match. It's Nick, laid-back and calm, smart and fun and uncomplicated. Untortured, happy. Nice. Big penis. — Gillian Flynn

Whenever anyone tells me that history's boring, I bring up Napoleon's penis. — Tony Perrottet

Once again, Rylann tried to catch the eye of the female bartender working Firelight's main bar.
One of the few times I've ever wished for a penis, — Julie James

God's penis would still rank high among those vistas a priest and a nun could not comfortably share. — James K. Morrow

Women never bought Freud's idea of penis envy: who would want a shotgun when you can have an automatic? — Natalie Angier

There's only so much I can do aside from locking him in his room or super gluing a condom to his penis — R.K. Ryals

Ship, lady. This here's a ship," he said defensively, as if she'd told him, "Your penis: I find it minuscule. — Kresley Cole

To me how having a penis excuses you from the laws of gravity. — Emma Chase

What if he'd just . . . I don't know . . . stuck it in, no warning or whatever. Like . . . SURPRISE! Here's a penis. — Cora Carmack

It bears repeating that the human penis is the longest and thickest of any primate's - in both absolute and relative terms. — Christopher Ryan

It took him a long, miserable time before he realized the truth of things: There is a great deal of difference between a penis and a heart. — Patrick Rothfuss

They get this little nubbin of a penis," Dr. Karpman said. And no one, he said, likes having a nubbin. — Sarah Varney

Look, I have a huge penis --Jake Wethers — Samantha Towle

I am Dex Foray, the only penis involved in the show. And who might you be? — Karina Halle

Grab his penis like this, and I guarantee, it's a done deal. — Emily Giffin

What, does he have a sword for a penis? Fallon asked. — Gail McHugh

Wad Rayyes, you're a man who talks. rubbish. Your whole brain's in the head of your penis and the head of your penis is as small as your brain. — Tayeb Salih

I move my hand lower. His eyes drift shut. Lower. He lets out a groan. And then I touch it. "Shit," he breathes. "Penis," I squeak. — Jay McLean

Trying not to look at his penis was proving harder than I'd thought it would be. — Darynda Jones

I put the penis in happiness. I put it there, and I can pull it out too. (But why would I? That's why I'm wearing a condom.) — Jarod Kintz

You're bored?" she says incredulously. "You have two hands and a penis. This shouldn't be a difficult equation. — Abria Mattina

A hard penis has no conscience. — Matthew Hardy

Did you hear about the baby just born that was both sexes? It had a penis and a brain. - overheard at the University of Oregon Medical School — David James Duncan

Whenever someone implies that history is boring, I bring up Napoleon's penis. — Tony Perrottet

All civilized wo/men are prostitutes: Some sell what's between their legs; the rest sell what's between their ears. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I have followed my penis into hell
and returned with the story. — Christopher Moore

Obedience is to a model ... what a huge penis is to a male porn star. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

You do know you're a woman, right?" I ask.
"Are you sure?" Olivia asks with an astonished face. "I thought I had a penis. — Katelin LaMontagne

Art should grasp the mind the way the vagina grasps the penis-Marcel Duchamp — Alice Goldfarb Marquis

A dork is a whale's penis. — Jill Shalvis

I got it, Go said. Go home, fuck her brains out, then smack her with your penis and scream, There's some wood for you bitch! — Gillian Flynn

Just 'Your mother.'" But it doesn't work if girls say it to each other," she continues. "You have to have a penis for it to affect you in such a way. — Melina Marchetta

Aw, so he used you as a penis cozy and then left? Guys are pigs. — Thomm Quackenbush

Wallis,' said Maturin, 'I am happy to see you. How is your penis? — Patrick O'Brian

Oh God," she groaned. "We just named your penis. Honeymoon's over. — Tessa Bailey

Yeah, listen you should really stop now, because I'm betting on the smartest thing that ever could come out of your mouth is a penis. — Christine Zolendz

It doesn't say a damn thing. My pride deflates like a limp penis. — Victoria Scott

A man's sexual organ is penis and woman's sexual organ is brains. — DK Publishing

Her cousin had clearly found a kindred penis in Jack Kilroy. — Kate Meader

I've never had this problem, but that damn Russian brought his big ole penis into bed with me and now no other man even measures up! — Toni Aleo

We sent so many risque pictures to each other that I was pretty sure after that year I could pick out Jag's penis in a police lineup any old day. — Harper Bentley

Cause that's all I want. A sweet, mature, normal, loving guy, with no baggage. And who has an absolutely enormous penis. — Mindy Kaling

Never trust a man with a penis. — Darynda Jones

You can't just accidentally penis somebody. — Christopher Moore

Three year in prison and a dick is just another thing to put up your ass. — Marlon James

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. — Robin Williams

Oh-my-gosh-I-want-to-punch-you-in-the-penis! — Brittainy C. Cherry

It's just empty boxers. Empty. It's not like there's a penis hiding in them. — Cassie Mae

I took a deep breath and sighed in awe. My proverbial penis had just gotten a serious chubby. — J.L. McCoy

If you think girls are supposed to object to sex until they find themselves incapable of resisting your magic penis, fuck you. — Anna Kendrick

Of course you'd say that. That's your answer to everything. Rub some penis on it, it should clear right up. — Veronica Larsen

Greetings people of Earth, we have come for your chocolate and your buxom women. We will negotiate only with Skyler Luiken's penis. — Jason M. Hough