Humour Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Humour
Humour Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Humour quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
Analysing humour is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies.
— Alan Ford
What's proper workplace etiquette for picking up computer and tossing out window? Open window first or break glass?
— Abigail Roux
They're all the rage, Cab Calloway wears one.
— Spike Milligan
They are all silly and ignorant like other girls; but Lizzy has something more of quickness than her sisters.
— Jane Austen
Master Bates sauntering along with his hands in his pockets ...
— Charles Dickens
Hey. Sometimes life is a shit flavored Popsicle.
— Carl Hiaasen
I was emotionally erect.
— Sherman Alexie
Did you bring me a rat?""He has no time for rats, George."
"No time for rats? That's just sad. — Rick Riordan
Sex & Humour Are The Heart & Lungs Of A Good Relationship
— Rosamund Lupton
I've always been able to vomit as silently as a ninja; it's a questionable talent and a poor party trick.
— Jason Purdy
It's only human nature for dogs to chase motrobikes
— Peter Tinniswood
Of course it hurt you neanderthal! See that? Thats blood. If theres blood, theres pain. Its like smoke and fire.
— Jennifer Crusie
You can't spell American without "I can.
— A.D. Aliwat
I think the French have a romantic cliche that Englishmen have great style, great music, irony and sense of humour. Well, sometimes cliches are true.
— Josephine De La Baume
While the eyes of the world will be on us let's show everyone that we have a great sense of humour.
— Yahoo Serious
When a man plans, a woman laughs.
— David Wong
No one has the ability to laugh at their misfortunes like the women of the East End.
— Philip Ridley
With sociology one can do anything and call it work
— Malcolm Bradbury
If I let you go are you going to hit me again?""What do you think?"
"Then I'm not going to let you go. — Sarah Mayberry
Lord Emsworth belonged to the people-like-to-be-left-alone-to-amuse-themselves-when-they-come-to-a-place school of hosts
— P.G. Wodehouse
Aberystwyth (n.)A nostalgic yearning which is in itself more pleasant than the thing being yearned for. — Douglas Adams
Law that stated you didn't advertise any event you hadn't attended, any place you'd never been, or any band you didn't really listen to.
— Mhairi McFarlane
With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.
— Groucho Marx
The act of creation fascinates me. You can only sit with blank page and wait. You cannot press a button, cannot program it.
— Joan Rivers
I'd blow someone for a valium," I said in Jacob's ear."Maybe he's got one ... but try offering a hand-job first so you retain some leverage. — Jordan Castillo Price
Who gave you a gun?''The army.'
'Why?'
'That's what the army does, Simon. — A. Ashley Straker
If you count sheep before you go to sleep, are you barrrrr'd from dreams?
— Benny Bellamacina
What can I say? I'm Irish, I love a good potato.
— Sophia Tallon
Don't go getting offended my friend, I have much worse things to say to you.-Ad'Dam, Journey from Atremes
— Riley Amos Westbrook
I like it subdued and tepid, with far to much milk
— Andi James Chamberlain
(I've often noticed that people equate "having a sense of humour" with "being an insensitive moron.")
— Sophie Kinsella
No Matter what you're, Matter is ; What you do.
— Harishankar Kaushik
WHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?Ah. I see we are now into the second movement of the Nakamura Suite in G-Minor! — Kevin Sylvester
If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else and hide behind a bush.
— Peter James West
I don't think I'd want Mickey Mouse pimping for me anyway.
— Haruki Murakami
You can make fun of yourself and people will laugh at you. If you're smart, you'll end up as a comedian. If you're not, you'll end up as a clown.
— Ljupka Cvetanova
Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Melissa,' Graham growled. 'Really? I've always thought it brings out my eyes.
— Christine Warren
A horse loves freedom, and the weariest old work horse will roll on the ground or break into a lumbering gallop when he is turned loose into the open.
— Gerald Raftery
Casting my own eye down Fifth Avenue as my belly swelled, I would register with incredulity: Every one of these people came from a woman's cunt.
— Lionel Shriver
A British villain never loses their sense of humour.
— Tom Hooper
Stephen is my boyfriend," Doug said. "We're gay together.""I'm also gay when we're apart," Stephen added. — Valerie Z. Lewis
Humour is a great vehicle for getting a message across. If you get too serious, you could die of starch.
— Cyndi Lauper
For the moment we might very well can them DUNNOS (for Dark Unknown Nonreflective Nondetectable Objects Somewhere).
— Bill Bryson
Once upon a time,there was a Zen sign
at every small railway crossing in America
Stop. Look. And listen. — Dick Allen
The thing about a sense of humour is that it's not bestowed on the good. It's just randomly dished out.
— Chris Morris
I tend to throw tantrums a lot. Wear a helmet in my presence.
— Natalya Vorobyova
Not sweet like fruits, the heart of a maiden is a little sour.
— Bunjuro Nakayama
Life is like yoga; the only way you can enjoy it is by relaxing into any position you happen to find yourself in.
— Jon Wakeham
Damn it, woman, stop offering to kill me!
— D.B. Reynolds
I guess I like things that take time and attention. More worthwhile that way.
— Huntley Fitzpatrick
I played like a child.
— Magnus Carlsen
In three hundred feet, turn right, Darth Vader said. The Darth Vader. I felt like we were friends now. Like I could tell him anything.
— Darynda Jones
Those are parallel! Leave me alone!
— Calvin Milled
Romancin' is verra important, ye ken. Basically it's a way the boy can get close to the girl wi'oot her attackin' him and scratchin' his eyes oot.
— Terry Pratchett
I'd seen more cops in the last few days than on a weekend LAW and ORDER marathon - Paigne Winterbourne
— Kelley Armstrong
Always stay one step a head, unless you're already there
— Benny Bellamacina
An avalanche is just a snowflake that got pissed off.
— Andi James Chamberlain
Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another.
— Elizabeth Eulberg
There's no life without humour. It can make the wonderful moments of life truly glorious, and it can make tragic moments bearable.
— Rufus Wainwright
Never go for a drink in London's square mile, nobody ever gets a round in.
— Benny Bellamacina
But to understand English is one thing; to understand an Englishman who talks is another.
— Aleister Crowley
People who can change and change again are so much more reliable and happier than those who can't
— Stephen Fry
Women in love are patheticand I cannot be bothered, for now,
I am back to metaphysics
and my armpits gather hair. — Mie Hansson
Humour is human. Why? Well, because the Philosopher, Aristotle, says so.
— Simon Critchley
God in his infinite wisdomDid not make me very wise-
So when my actions are stupid
They hardly take God by surprise. — Langston Hughes
Life makes fun of us and we should help it.
— David Brandon
I really hope he shapes up, you know? He's got a good head on his shoulders when he's not trying to give himself alcohol poisoning.
— Hailey Abbott
Also, I hear chocolate works well for PMS.
— Becca Fitzpatrick
My guest Newt Gingrich shut down the government during the Clinton administration. I'll ask him when it's gonna start working again.
— Stephen Colbert
If the apocalypse comes...beep me!
— Joss Whedon
People who know me know that there's a light-hearted side, humour ... But you could easily say I am cheeky.
— Waris Ahluwalia
Great Gates almighty," HARV said inside my brain. "I go off-line for a few nanos and the whole world goes to DOS.
— John Zakour
You are, I think, a little bit contemptuous of the way I prosecute my inquiries, he said with a twinkle.
— Agatha Christie
All men come to resemble their fathers. That isn't a tragedy, but you need a hell of a sense of humour to handle it.
— Philip Kerr
Then I think, fuck it, this bit of floor looks nice.
— Jay Stringer
Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's.
— Jonathan Tropper
Found dead. A verdict as useful as a fucking Bible in the Bluegate Brothel.
— Sarah Pinborough
