Humour Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Humour

Humour Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Humour quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Analysing humour is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies. — Alan Ford

What's proper workplace etiquette for picking up computer and tossing out window? Open window first or break glass? — Abigail Roux

They're all the rage, Cab Calloway wears one. — Spike Milligan

They are all silly and ignorant like other girls; but Lizzy has something more of quickness than her sisters. — Jane Austen

Master Bates sauntering along with his hands in his pockets ... — Charles Dickens

If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable. — Darynda Jones

Hey. Sometimes life is a shit flavored Popsicle. — Carl Hiaasen

I was emotionally erect. — Sherman Alexie

Did you bring me a rat?"
"He has no time for rats, George."
"No time for rats? That's just sad. — Rick Riordan

Sex & Humour Are The Heart & Lungs Of A Good Relationship — Rosamund Lupton

I've always been able to vomit as silently as a ninja; it's a questionable talent and a poor party trick. — Jason Purdy

It's only human nature for dogs to chase motrobikes — Peter Tinniswood

Of course it hurt you neanderthal! See that? Thats blood. If theres blood, theres pain. Its like smoke and fire. — Jennifer Crusie

You can't spell American without "I can. — A.D. Aliwat

I think the French have a romantic cliche that Englishmen have great style, great music, irony and sense of humour. Well, sometimes cliches are true. — Josephine De La Baume

While the eyes of the world will be on us let's show everyone that we have a great sense of humour. — Yahoo Serious

When a man plans, a woman laughs. — David Wong

No one has the ability to laugh at their misfortunes like the women of the East End. — Philip Ridley

Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future. — Niels Bohr

With sociology one can do anything and call it work — Malcolm Bradbury

If I let you go are you going to hit me again?"
"What do you think?"
"Then I'm not going to let you go. — Sarah Mayberry

Lord Emsworth belonged to the people-like-to-be-left-alone-to-amuse-themselves-when-they-come-to-a-place school of hosts — P.G. Wodehouse

Seduction is merely encouraging a man to do something he already wants to do. — Lisa Kleypas

Aberystwyth (n.)
A nostalgic yearning which is in itself more pleasant than the thing being yearned for. — Douglas Adams

Law that stated you didn't advertise any event you hadn't attended, any place you'd never been, or any band you didn't really listen to. — Mhairi McFarlane

With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon. — Groucho Marx

The act of creation fascinates me. You can only sit with blank page and wait. You cannot press a button, cannot program it. — Joan Rivers

I'd blow someone for a valium," I said in Jacob's ear.
"Maybe he's got one ... but try offering a hand-job first so you retain some leverage. — Jordan Castillo Price

Who gave you a gun?'
'The army.'
'Why?'
'That's what the army does, Simon. — A. Ashley Straker

If you count sheep before you go to sleep, are you barrrrr'd from dreams? — Benny Bellamacina

What can I say? I'm Irish, I love a good potato. — Sophia Tallon

Don't go getting offended my friend, I have much worse things to say to you.-Ad'Dam, Journey from Atremes — Riley Amos Westbrook

I like it subdued and tepid, with far to much milk — Andi James Chamberlain

(I've often noticed that people equate "having a sense of humour" with "being an insensitive moron.") — Sophie Kinsella

No Matter what you're, Matter is ; What you do. — Harishankar Kaushik

WHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Ah. I see we are now into the second movement of the Nakamura Suite in G-Minor! — Kevin Sylvester

If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else and hide behind a bush. — Peter James West

I don't think I'd want Mickey Mouse pimping for me anyway. — Haruki Murakami

You can make fun of yourself and people will laugh at you. If you're smart, you'll end up as a comedian. If you're not, you'll end up as a clown. — Ljupka Cvetanova

I'm always impressed by confidence, kindness and a sense of humour. — Tamara Mellon

Oh, to be the author of prison letters. It's a young girl's dream come true. — Jenny B. Jones

Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Melissa,' Graham growled. 'Really? I've always thought it brings out my eyes. — Christine Warren

It doesn't matter what your boss thinks as long as he doesn't cry. — Gerry Geek

A horse loves freedom, and the weariest old work horse will roll on the ground or break into a lumbering gallop when he is turned loose into the open. — Gerald Raftery

Casting my own eye down Fifth Avenue as my belly swelled, I would register with incredulity: Every one of these people came from a woman's cunt. — Lionel Shriver

Meet Logan Jackson, smug, self-entitled, proud, arrogant, trust-fund brat. — Ali Harper

A British villain never loses their sense of humour. — Tom Hooper

No one's stopping you," said Jess. "But you've got to make it more interesting. That's why why we drift off and talk about biscuits. — Nick Hornby

On a good day, my style is librarian chic. On a bad day, it's frumpy mother. — Cassandra Page

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. LaoTzu. Just make sure that you step in the right direction. — Lao-Tzu

Stephen is my boyfriend," Doug said. "We're gay together."
"I'm also gay when we're apart," Stephen added. — Valerie Z. Lewis

Humour is a great vehicle for getting a message across. If you get too serious, you could die of starch. — Cyndi Lauper

For the moment we might very well can them DUNNOS (for Dark Unknown Nonreflective Nondetectable Objects Somewhere). — Bill Bryson

Once upon a time,
there was a Zen sign
at every small railway crossing in America

Stop. Look. And listen. — Dick Allen

The thing about a sense of humour is that it's not bestowed on the good. It's just randomly dished out. — Chris Morris

I tend to throw tantrums a lot. Wear a helmet in my presence. — Natalya Vorobyova

Not sweet like fruits, the heart of a maiden is a little sour. — Bunjuro Nakayama

Life is like yoga; the only way you can enjoy it is by relaxing into any position you happen to find yourself in. — Jon Wakeham

If you can find humour in anything, you can survive it — Bill Cosby

Damn it, woman, stop offering to kill me! — D.B. Reynolds

I guess I like things that take time and attention. More worthwhile that way. — Huntley Fitzpatrick

Sally did the mature thing and stuck her tongue out at her best friend. — Quinn Loftis

With humour, there is life. — JR

I played like a child. — Magnus Carlsen

In three hundred feet, turn right, Darth Vader said. The Darth Vader. I felt like we were friends now. Like I could tell him anything. — Darynda Jones

Those are parallel! Leave me alone! — Calvin Milled

Romancin' is verra important, ye ken. Basically it's a way the boy can get close to the girl wi'oot her attackin' him and scratchin' his eyes oot. — Terry Pratchett

I'd seen more cops in the last few days than on a weekend LAW and ORDER marathon - Paigne Winterbourne — Kelley Armstrong

Always stay one step a head, unless you're already there — Benny Bellamacina

An avalanche is just a snowflake that got pissed off. — Andi James Chamberlain

I will be the silent protector Gotham Kayla needs — Sara Wolf

Apparently, faith in life is one thing and faith in literature is another. — Gerald Weaver

Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another. — Elizabeth Eulberg

There's no life without humour. It can make the wonderful moments of life truly glorious, and it can make tragic moments bearable. — Rufus Wainwright

Never go for a drink in London's square mile, nobody ever gets a round in. — Benny Bellamacina

If u want to work in Corporate, then u should know how to play Chess. — Honeya

The British do not expect happiness. I had the impression, all the time that I lived there, that they do not want to be happy; they want to be right. — Quentin Crisp

All worthy work is open to interpretations the author did not intend. Art isn't your pet
it's your kid. It grows up and talks back to you. — Joss Whedon

If people were rain, I was drizzle. She was hurricane. — John Green

Yes, it's amazing how little use you get out of a lemon zester on an all-blood diet. — Alexis Hall

Remember the 11th commandment. Thou shalt not take thyself to damn seriously. — Roy Mcconnell

But to understand English is one thing; to understand an Englishman who talks is another. — Aleister Crowley

People who can change and change again are so much more reliable and happier than those who can't — Stephen Fry

Women in love are pathetic
and I cannot be bothered, for now,
I am back to metaphysics
and my armpits gather hair. — Mie Hansson

Humour is human. Why? Well, because the Philosopher, Aristotle, says so. — Simon Critchley

God in his infinite wisdom
Did not make me very wise-
So when my actions are stupid
They hardly take God by surprise. — Langston Hughes

Life makes fun of us and we should help it. — David Brandon

I really hope he shapes up, you know? He's got a good head on his shoulders when he's not trying to give himself alcohol poisoning. — Hailey Abbott

Also, I hear chocolate works well for PMS. — Becca Fitzpatrick

My guest Newt Gingrich shut down the government during the Clinton administration. I'll ask him when it's gonna start working again. — Stephen Colbert

If the apocalypse comes...beep me! — Joss Whedon

People who know me know that there's a light-hearted side, humour ... But you could easily say I am cheeky. — Waris Ahluwalia

Great Gates almighty," HARV said inside my brain. "I go off-line for a few nanos and the whole world goes to DOS. — John Zakour

You are, I think, a little bit contemptuous of the way I prosecute my inquiries, he said with a twinkle. — Agatha Christie

All men come to resemble their fathers. That isn't a tragedy, but you need a hell of a sense of humour to handle it. — Philip Kerr

Sure, there's no 'i' in team, but there is an 'm' and an 'e'. — Kevin Myers

Then I think, fuck it, this bit of floor looks nice. — Jay Stringer

Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's. — Jonathan Tropper

Found dead. A verdict as useful as a fucking Bible in the Bluegate Brothel. — Sarah Pinborough

There exists a microscopic breed of brain beetle, commonly known as an 'idea'. An idea desires only one thing: To catch the perfect brain wave. — Leah Broadby