Handler's Quotes

Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Handler's

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Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: When you see the veins popping out of When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point. Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: -Most people would say that she's beautiful.-That's because -Most people would say that she's beautiful.
-That's because she's been with most people.
Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: It's good that people don't like you. That's It's good that people don't like you. That's good. It means that you are doing something interesting. Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: There's not enough ink and paper to say There's not enough ink and paper to say all I wanted. Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Having a baby, it's like a five year Having a baby, it's like a five year commitment. Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: I hadn't even been looking, not for you, I hadn't even been looking, not for you, and now you were my heart's desire. Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: Stop saying no offense," I said, "when you Stop saying no offense," I said, "when you say offensive things. It's not a free pass. Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: I've always had a problem with authority. That's I've always had a problem with authority. That's why I had to be my own boss. Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: I want to love you and take you I want to love you and take you pretty places. Yes, I have things wrong, but also I can walk through walls if you'll let me show you. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: I got a vibrator that needed two nine I got a vibrator that needed two nine volt batteries. What am I - R2D2? I don't know what to do with that. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Jews are underdogs - not in my world, Jews are underdogs - not in my world, obviously, they're not. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Ruth Handler: I thought the Barbie doll would always be I thought the Barbie doll would always be successful. — Ruth Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Kristen Stewart always looks like she's posing for Kristen Stewart always looks like she's posing for pictures taken in a basement by her creepy uncle. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: I don't mean to be a racist but I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: That's what my perfume would smell like, margarita That's what my perfume would smell like, margarita and vodka. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: It's been my experience that people who make It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: It's why we broke up, Ed, a small It's why we broke up, Ed, a small thing that's disappeared or maybe was never really in my hands in the first place. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: I'm a devilish kind of person, but I I'm a devilish kind of person, but I embrace it. I don't try to fight it. It's proven very well for me. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: For Beatrice, I cherished, you perished, The world's For Beatrice, I cherished, you perished, The world's been nightmarished. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Paula Abdul's really impatient to start a family. Paula Abdul's really impatient to start a family. She says if she has to wait much longer she's going to go crazy-er. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: Adverbs is a book about love, and I Adverbs is a book about love, and I thought that was pretty cheerful, but people who are reading it now are telling me that it's actually quite dark. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: It's okay to like jerks. I mean, it'd It's okay to like jerks. I mean, it'd be better to like a nice guy, but there aren't any. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: That's my biggest struggle, is maintaining a personal That's my biggest struggle, is maintaining a personal romantic relationship. It takes a lot of effort. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: I like to laugh. It's kind of escapism. I like to laugh. It's kind of escapism. I like to make people laugh. And I kind of like people just to have to not think about anything — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: If you do talk dirty, make sure that If you do talk dirty, make sure that you enunciate because there's nothing more embarrassing than having to repeat yourself. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: Undeveloped, the whole thing,tossed into a box before Undeveloped, the whole thing,tossed into a box before we really had a chance to know what we had, and that's why we broke up. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: When you start reading nonfiction books about piracy, When you start reading nonfiction books about piracy, you realize that it's actually just a history of desperate people. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: The thing with your heart's desire is that The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it turns up. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: Wherever there's a conductor, you're sure to find Wherever there's a conductor, you're sure to find a dead composer! — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Choose the guy that's going to make you Choose the guy that's going to make you a better girl. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: If you have to work at McDonald's, good If you have to work at McDonald's, good for you. But on a side note, good luck with the rest of your life. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: The whole thing about my books and my The whole thing about my books and my life is that I create drama's always around me. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: There's nothing more annoying than a man ordering There's nothing more annoying than a man ordering wine at a bar when you're not eating. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: It's a dream come true to have someone It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: Wherever it's good, whatever strange, faraway land, let's Wherever it's good, whatever strange, faraway land, let's go there, let's stay in that place alone. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: Love is candy from a stranger, but it's Love is candy from a stranger, but it's candy you've had before and it probably won't kill you. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: It's a pleasure to play my sister because It's a pleasure to play my sister because everything I've accused her of my whole life, I can now re-enact before her eyes. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Don't think about anything for too long. Even Don't think about anything for too long. Even if it's off-the-wall, go for it. You'll have a lot more fun in life. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: There's times where you think, 'Gosh, what if There's times where you think, 'Gosh, what if nobody ever wants to hear what I have to say?' — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: You can't fast-forward heartbreak, and you can't rewind You can't fast-forward heartbreak, and you can't rewind love - and that's just one big bummer. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: It's hard on an all-gay softball team because It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: It always freaks me out when I go It always freaks me out when I go to a sushi place and there's a Mexican. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It's a good thing you're so voluptuous. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: I'm not that shallow, asshole. I don't need I'm not that shallow, asshole. I don't need money. It's way more important for them to be good-looking. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Neil Simon: Evan Handler's new book is simply wonderful. He Evan Handler's new book is simply wonderful. He pulls you inside his life, and you come out his very close friend. — Neil Simon
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: There's a reason you never see anyone's house There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Some people think Hollywood is shallow. I find Some people think Hollywood is shallow. I find that it's home. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: I don't like people who drink decaf coffee I don't like people who drink decaf coffee it's like what. Why you drinking it? Like it taste so good? That's like drinking non alcoholic vodka. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Everything isn't permanent, so don't pretend that it Everything isn't permanent, so don't pretend that it is. Everything's supposed to move and shift. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: I was never a fan of anything, and I was never a fan of anything, and yet some people are fans of my books. That's a bit odd. But I like meeting them. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: I gasped and pointed the way. I gave I gasped and pointed the way. I gave you an adventure, Ed, right in front of you but you never saw it until I showed you, and that's why we broke up. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: The whole point of remaining on cable is The whole point of remaining on cable is to remain true to who I am. That's a bad, bad girl that got a big job. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: But then, like George Michael in a men's But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: That's Al Qaeda's new plan: to destroy America That's Al Qaeda's new plan: to destroy America one period at a time. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: I don't think I'm a good host. I'm I don't think I'm a good host. I'm not a good host. I'm terrible at hosting. That's my problem. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: My standup is observational, but it's self-observational, and My standup is observational, but it's self-observational, and it's self-deprecating, definitely. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: I have a huge impact with young girls. I have a huge impact with young girls. Young women. That's my demographic. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: This women/ killer was a testament to my This women/ killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: I was too jitterbuggy happy to sleep, and I was too jitterbuggy happy to sleep, and the whole day kept playing in my brain's little screening room. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: If you're really looking to hurt somebody's feelings, If you're really looking to hurt somebody's feelings, just break up with them. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Have you ever been sued by a midget? Have you ever been sued by a midget? It's not fun. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy that's gonna make you the better girl — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: I have no doubt that my mother's pregnancy I have no doubt that my mother's pregnancy with me was an accident. Mostly because on several occasions, she told me I was an accident. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: I do think about marriage, but it's not I do think about marriage, but it's not the end-all goal. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: There's a McDonalds in Hong Kong & they're There's a McDonalds in Hong Kong & they're offering couples the opportunity to get married. You can have a McWedding. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: This teaching job did not pay a lot This teaching job did not pay a lot of money, because, let's face it, nobody gives a flying fuck about education, but it was a temporary position. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: You never love a book the way you You never love a book the way you love a book when you are ten. It is an honor to be in that sacred space in some children's brains. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Mexico's a great place to overcome a drug Mexico's a great place to overcome a drug addiction. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: It's hard to tell these days what gender It's hard to tell these days what gender people are. You don't know if they're gay, if they're straight, or Bruce Jenner. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: I guess it's funny how life turns out?" I guess it's funny how life turns out?" she tried. "Not last I checked," Errol said with a snort. — Daniel Handler