Handler's Quotes

Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Handler's

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Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: I want to love you and take you I want to love you and take you pretty places. Yes, I have things wrong, but also I can walk through walls if you'll let me show you. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: I got a vibrator that needed two nine I got a vibrator that needed two nine volt batteries. What am I - R2D2? I don't know what to do with that. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Jews are underdogs - not in my world, Jews are underdogs - not in my world, obviously, they're not. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious? I mean, that makes me want to kill somebody. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Ruth Handler: I thought the Barbie doll would always be I thought the Barbie doll would always be successful. — Ruth Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Kristen Stewart always looks like she's posing for Kristen Stewart always looks like she's posing for pictures taken in a basement by her creepy uncle. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: I don't mean to be a racist but I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: That's what my perfume would smell like, margarita That's what my perfume would smell like, margarita and vodka. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: It's been my experience that people who make It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: It's why we broke up, Ed, a small It's why we broke up, Ed, a small thing that's disappeared or maybe was never really in my hands in the first place. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: I'm a devilish kind of person, but I I'm a devilish kind of person, but I embrace it. I don't try to fight it. It's proven very well for me. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: For Beatrice, I cherished, you perished, The world's For Beatrice, I cherished, you perished, The world's been nightmarished. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Paula Abdul's really impatient to start a family. Paula Abdul's really impatient to start a family. She says if she has to wait much longer she's going to go crazy-er. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: Adverbs is a book about love, and I Adverbs is a book about love, and I thought that was pretty cheerful, but people who are reading it now are telling me that it's actually quite dark. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: It's okay to like jerks. I mean, it'd It's okay to like jerks. I mean, it'd be better to like a nice guy, but there aren't any. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: That's my biggest struggle, is maintaining a personal That's my biggest struggle, is maintaining a personal romantic relationship. It takes a lot of effort. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: I like to laugh. It's kind of escapism. I like to laugh. It's kind of escapism. I like to make people laugh. And I kind of like people just to have to not think about anything — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: If you do talk dirty, make sure that If you do talk dirty, make sure that you enunciate because there's nothing more embarrassing than having to repeat yourself. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: Undeveloped, the whole thing,tossed into a box before Undeveloped, the whole thing,tossed into a box before we really had a chance to know what we had, and that's why we broke up. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: When you start reading nonfiction books about piracy, When you start reading nonfiction books about piracy, you realize that it's actually just a history of desperate people. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: The thing with your heart's desire is that The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it turns up. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: Wherever there's a conductor, you're sure to find Wherever there's a conductor, you're sure to find a dead composer! — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Choose the guy that's going to make you Choose the guy that's going to make you a better girl. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: If you have to work at McDonald's, good If you have to work at McDonald's, good for you. But on a side note, good luck with the rest of your life. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: The whole thing about my books and my The whole thing about my books and my life is that I create drama's always around me. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: There's nothing more annoying than a man ordering There's nothing more annoying than a man ordering wine at a bar when you're not eating. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: It's a dream come true to have someone It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: Wherever it's good, whatever strange, faraway land, let's Wherever it's good, whatever strange, faraway land, let's go there, let's stay in that place alone. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: Love is candy from a stranger, but it's Love is candy from a stranger, but it's candy you've had before and it probably won't kill you. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: It's a pleasure to play my sister because It's a pleasure to play my sister because everything I've accused her of my whole life, I can now re-enact before her eyes. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Don't think about anything for too long. Even Don't think about anything for too long. Even if it's off-the-wall, go for it. You'll have a lot more fun in life. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: There's times where you think, 'Gosh, what if There's times where you think, 'Gosh, what if nobody ever wants to hear what I have to say?' — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: You can't fast-forward heartbreak, and you can't rewind You can't fast-forward heartbreak, and you can't rewind love - and that's just one big bummer. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: It's hard on an all-gay softball team because It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: It always freaks me out when I go It always freaks me out when I go to a sushi place and there's a Mexican. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It's a good thing you're so voluptuous. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: I'm not that shallow, asshole. I don't need I'm not that shallow, asshole. I don't need money. It's way more important for them to be good-looking. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Neil Simon: Evan Handler's new book is simply wonderful. He Evan Handler's new book is simply wonderful. He pulls you inside his life, and you come out his very close friend. — Neil Simon
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: There's a reason you never see anyone's house There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Some people think Hollywood is shallow. I find Some people think Hollywood is shallow. I find that it's home. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: I don't like people who drink decaf coffee I don't like people who drink decaf coffee it's like what. Why you drinking it? Like it taste so good? That's like drinking non alcoholic vodka. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Everything isn't permanent, so don't pretend that it Everything isn't permanent, so don't pretend that it is. Everything's supposed to move and shift. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: I was never a fan of anything, and I was never a fan of anything, and yet some people are fans of my books. That's a bit odd. But I like meeting them. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: I gasped and pointed the way. I gave I gasped and pointed the way. I gave you an adventure, Ed, right in front of you but you never saw it until I showed you, and that's why we broke up. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: The whole point of remaining on cable is The whole point of remaining on cable is to remain true to who I am. That's a bad, bad girl that got a big job. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: But then, like George Michael in a men's But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: That's Al Qaeda's new plan: to destroy America That's Al Qaeda's new plan: to destroy America one period at a time. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: I don't think I'm a good host. I'm I don't think I'm a good host. I'm not a good host. I'm terrible at hosting. That's my problem. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: My standup is observational, but it's self-observational, and My standup is observational, but it's self-observational, and it's self-deprecating, definitely. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: I have a huge impact with young girls. I have a huge impact with young girls. Young women. That's my demographic. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: This women/ killer was a testament to my This women/ killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: I was too jitterbuggy happy to sleep, and I was too jitterbuggy happy to sleep, and the whole day kept playing in my brain's little screening room. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: If you're really looking to hurt somebody's feelings, If you're really looking to hurt somebody's feelings, just break up with them. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Have you ever been sued by a midget? Have you ever been sued by a midget? It's not fun. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy that's gonna make you the better girl — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: I have no doubt that my mother's pregnancy I have no doubt that my mother's pregnancy with me was an accident. Mostly because on several occasions, she told me I was an accident. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: I do think about marriage, but it's not I do think about marriage, but it's not the end-all goal. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: There's a McDonalds in Hong Kong & they're There's a McDonalds in Hong Kong & they're offering couples the opportunity to get married. You can have a McWedding. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: This teaching job did not pay a lot This teaching job did not pay a lot of money, because, let's face it, nobody gives a flying fuck about education, but it was a temporary position. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: You never love a book the way you You never love a book the way you love a book when you are ten. It is an honor to be in that sacred space in some children's brains. — Daniel Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: Mexico's a great place to overcome a drug Mexico's a great place to overcome a drug addiction. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Chelsea Handler: It's hard to tell these days what gender It's hard to tell these days what gender people are. You don't know if they're gay, if they're straight, or Bruce Jenner. — Chelsea Handler
Handler's Quotes By Daniel Handler: I guess it's funny how life turns out?" I guess it's funny how life turns out?" she tried. "Not last I checked," Errol said with a snort. — Daniel Handler