Funny He Man Quotes: top 61 famous quotes about Funny He Man

Funny He Man Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny He Man quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it' — Tommy Cooper

No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant. — Rita Rudner

A man always blames the woman who fools him. In the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark. — H.L. Mencken

Heck by the time a man scratches his behind, clears his throat, and tells me how smart he is, we've already wasted fifteen minutes. — Lyndon B. Johnson

The man may not be dead, but he was certainly stiff. And this had nothing to do with rigor mortis. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows. — Frederick Bushnell "Jack" Ryder

Have you heard his new song? 'Cause he thinks he's a black man now. — Natasha Leggero

Though everyone in the bar knew who he was, no one asked him about the death, though one old man did rustle his newspaper suggestively. — Donna Leon

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally. — Rita Rudner

I judge how much a man cares for a woman by the space he allots her under a jointly shared umbrella. — Jimmy Cannon

Very nice and funny, but he put the 'or' in man-whore. — J. Lynn

Alright, manly man," he says. "Go prove that you're a man. — Jessica Sorensen

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks- if we agree with him. — Mark Twain

A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on. — Chic Murray

All men are tragic ... All men are comic ... Every man is important if he loses his life; and every man is funny if he loses his hat. — G.K. Chesterton

I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away. — Henny Youngman

A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot! — Henny Youngman

A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up. — Henny Youngman

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar. — Rodney Dangerfield

Life is a crowded superhighway with bewildering cloverleaf exits on which a man is liable to find himself speeding back in the direction he came. — Peter De Vries

I'm not saying he was, like, crying tears of man pain over the phone, but he sounded upset. — Hannah Harrington

He looks like a horse in a man costume! — Dylan Moran

I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man. — Frank Carson

He's getting away you idiots! Shoot him. I'm wearing Spider-Man underpants! — Cuthbert Soup

He was funny, smart, charming...and a monumental slut. Dean had all the makings of a man-sized Venus Flytrap. -Lex — Staci Hart

I was surprised he didn't just spit the nails into the wood like Popeye the Sailor Man. — Josh Lanyon

Every man is important if he loses his life;and every man is funny if he loses his hat and has to run after it. — Gilbert K. Chesterton

He's like a man with a fork, in a world of soup. (about his brother Liam) — Noel Gallagher

It was a little difficult to take him seriously when he sang along to a song about a woman taking another woman's man. — Holly Hood

The brilliance of Adam Scott is that he is so damn funny in a straight man role. — Rob Thomas

It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive. — W.C. Fields

He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face. — Henny Youngman

Webster said, 'Time them skeeters get done with that old man, his French blood will be all gone and he will speak American as good as we do. — Peter Matthiessen

Are you real?" Stupid. Of course he's real.
"Yes, Julie. I'm not the mystical man from your dreams. — Caroline George

I used to laugh at that old wheeze about a man wanting his son to be better than he was, but as I get older it seems less funny and more true. — Stephen King

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. — Tommy Cooper

He took his misfortune like a man - he blamed it on his wife. — Bob Phillips

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. — G. Gordon Liddy

Nevertheless, he was already a sick man. He had gotten more than gas at Bill Hapscomb's Texaco. And he gave Harry Trent more than a speeding summons. — Stephen King

He is not an ideal husband. I am his wife. — Ljupka Cvetanova

Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at? — Margaret Smith

There once was an old man of Lyme who married three wives at a time when asked, 'Why a third?' he replied 'One's absurd! and bigamy, sir, is a crime!' — William Cosmo Monkhouse

My baby is weird man ... when he get mad, he gets in the oven. — Kevin Hart

Dallas popped his jaw. I do not cackle. I bitch like a he-man. — Gena Showalter

I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium. — Henny Youngman

They call me the confuser. Is he a man ... is he a woman? Ooh, I'm not sure if I mind. — Noel Fielding

Hoover, if elected, will do one thing that is almost incomprehensible to the human mind: he will make a great man out of Coolidge. — Clarence Darrow

A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road. — Tommy Cooper

Bizet was a very young man when he composed this symphony, so play it softly. — Eugene Ormandy

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. — Robert Frost

"And then we played Ping-Pong - "
"Not pool? I always assumed he was a billiards man - I mean, it's so handy the way he keeps a stick up his - — Claire LaZebnik

The man who tries to be funny is lost. To lose one's naturalness is always to lose the sympathy of your audience. — Harold Lloyd

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer." — Rodney Dangerfield

He'd gone from sixteen to seventy-five in a matter of seconds, but the old-man smell happened instantly, like boom. Congratulations! You stink! — Rick Riordan

My father was a very funny man, and one of my strongest recollections is hearing him laugh. He didn't like people who had no sense of humour. — Mike Myers

Christian is going to be the strongest man in the NBA next year, because all he's been doing all summer is carrying around the luggage for 11 guys. — Charles Barkley

A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange! — Charles Dickens

In a blackout, a Polish man was stuck on an escalator for two hours. I asked him, "Why didn't you walk down?" He said, "because I was going up!" — Henny Youngman

I do not understand this man," [Tempi] said. "Is he attempting to buy sex with me? Or does he wish to fight? — Patrick Rothfuss

No man is the boss of his own house, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead. — W.C. Fields