Frank Carson Quotes
Collection of top 33 famous quotes about Frank Carson
Frank Carson Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Frank Carson quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a poodle peeing on your leg? You let the Rottweiler finish.
— Frank Carson
I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle."
— Frank Carson
Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?"
— Frank Carson
There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So they swapped sandwiches.
— Frank Carson
A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I was here."
— Frank Carson
I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
— Frank Carson
My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.
— Frank Carson
People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads; it is ridiculous.
— Frank Carson
My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror."
— Frank Carson
America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
— Frank Carson
An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.
— Frank Carson
What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
— Frank Carson
It's never occurred to me to worry about my health, or that I'll get old, or that people will stop laughing at me.
— Frank Carson
I'm staying in a lovely hotel, dressing robe behind the door, lovely fluffy sheets - took me a half an hour getting my suitcase closed.
— Frank Carson
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman looks at them and says: "Is this some kind of a joke?"
— Frank Carson
A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard."
— Frank Carson
Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
— Frank Carson
My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
— Frank Carson
My wife said to me: 'If you won the lottery, would you still love me?' I said: 'Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you.'
— Frank Carson
I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
— Frank Carson
I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
— Frank Carson
The thirties were troublesome in Belfast, and then of course there was no work for people, and it was terribly religiously divided.
— Frank Carson
So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'.
— Frank Carson
Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
— Frank Carson
My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
— Frank Carson
Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
— Frank Carson
The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
— Frank Carson