Dark Humor Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Dark Humor

Dark Humor Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Dark Humor quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Well, fame is a drug and when you take it away from an addict, things can get ugly. — Melissa Jo Peltier

He was a strange mix of Heinrich Himmler and Barney the Dinosaur. — Jonas Eriksson

There are few things in life that are worth waking up to: sex, the dark spices of freshly brewed coffee and bacon. — Dannika Dark

I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am! — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I hate to say it, but it can't be much of a dark conspiracy if a trio of first-year shlubs like us have worked it all out. — G. Norman Lippert

Beware the dark stranger! He rides a unicycle! — Stephen King

Humanity was a passing notion to him; something he liked to try on for size and model in the dressing room, but never actually felt compelled to buy. — Jane Bled

We made love like two people trying to make love like three people in the trunk of a car. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Perhaps I should just bury myself and become a diamond after thousands of years of intense pressure — Lemony Snicket

I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay. — Olga Goa

In 5-billion years the Sun will expand & engulf our orbit as the charred ember that was once Earth vaporizes. Have a nice day. — Neil DeGrasse Tyson

He knew his parents were liars. He'd known since the day he'd found his brother's dead body stuffed inside a suitcase. — Kirkland Ciccone

Darkness is necessary for evolvement. — Lailah Gifty Akita

What Promise of a new day does one have to ignore to laugh so early in the morning? — Leot Felton

Kill them with kindness, slay them with a smile and murder them with a kiss. ~Caesar~ The Goodbye Man. — A. Giannoccaro

All life is in vain, for Death makes a nonsense of pain. — Gasmaskman

If you have to explain your sense of humor, then you are performing for the wrong crowd. — Shannon L. Alder

The preface? Why would he waste time with the preface? Skip the preface and move on to the meat of the thing! — Kenneth Oppel

All lines are gray in the dark. — Nenia Campbell

I am not the worst thing that can happen to you, but I will be the last. ~Caesar~ The Goodbye Man. — A. Giannoccaro

Despite my ghoulish reputation, I really have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk. — Robert Bloch

If you were three times poor, I would still have paid attention to you and fell head over heels in love with you. — Olga Goa

So what did you do, drug me, stuff me in the trunk, then dump me like a sacrificial offering into that vampire's coffin? - Shella — Krista Alasti

I think the word 'pleasure' is unknown to you. More precisely, its practical meaning. — Olga Goa

And you haven't got a 'pause' button, have you? You are just uncontrollable! — Olga Goa

Arik didn't know how long he'd been in hell. Time was one never-ending, no-lube f&*k when you were in the dark and in agony. — Larissa Ione

I make love like farm equipment - not to farm equipment. There is a difference, though my cousin can't tell it. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

If your parents left you, it doesn't mean that other people will also do it to you. — Olga Goa

I'm as lucky as a bed of oysters on cioppino night. — Nenia Campbell

Let me make sure I have this straight. The cavalry just now rode into town and it's a Czech Gypsy porn-star zombie killer. Have I got that right? — Richard Kadrey

I quite like dark humor. — Marina And The Diamonds

He was an Atlantean ... older than dirt and dirt's great-grandfather. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I was beginning to think that Simon just had a bad case of OCD, ADD, and PMS. With a little BS and OMG mixed in. — Dannika Dark

So I flirt with disaster once or twice. Who doesn't?"
He snorted. "You don't just flirt with disaster, you have intercourse with it. — Dannika Dark

I am in love, and the river is beginning to ice over. I'd better go drown myself before I freeze to death. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I've committed to nothing ... and that's just suicide ... by tiny, tiny increments. — Nick Hornby

This isn't a strength, Aunt True," I said, "but it's dark in here."
"That's because it's nighttime, you moron!" scoffed Danny. — Heather Vogel Frederick

Lastly, say to me, if you can, with feelings as tender as mine for you: my dear Beelzebub, I adore you... — Jacques Cazotte

All I did was offer to kill your dog, and the next thing I know I'm being judged. — Tom Upton

You're still carrying Africa, but it's eroding at the edges.
Great. We're destroying the Dark Continent. — J.D. Robb

Life's a grave dig it. — K.R. Helms

It's better to be loved than feared, but if you can't be loved, then fear will do.-Dino quoting Machiavelli — Laurell K. Hamilton

Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Nothing shows you the straight line from here to death like a list. — Chuck Palahniuk

I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I need only you, Milano, not your money. — Olga Goa

I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

In the beginning there was Logos ... and God of course. And it was all extremely boring for Logos because he could never beat God at any game ... — Yannis Karatsioris

Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you are doing but nobody else does. — Steuart Henderson Britt

I love dark humor that crosses the line and makes you say, 'That's so wrong!' And that's 'Family Guy' to me. — Elena Satine

Holly had married him: well, well. I wished I were under the wheels of the train. — Truman Capote

Relationships are ropes. Love is a noose. - Durzo Blint — Brent Weeks

If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged — Terry Pratchett

That night was a dark day. Of course, all nights are dark days, because night is simply a badly lit version of day, ... — Lemony Snicket

The price for using dark magic is death, so that goes a long way toward deterring users. — Devon Monk

Species went extinct and new ones evolved from protozoa while he sat in his car in the dark and waited to see how badly he'd fucked this up. — Amy Jo Cousins

Man makes plans . . . and God laughs. — Michael Chabon

I could lose myself forever in that dark hair and those sweet love handles. — Vera Brosgol

If I could bronze my love, it'd be worthy of a silver medal. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

You sick bastard," she said.
"Yes, I guess you could call me that." Terry replied. — Jonas Eriksson

He comes.
And he comes
loaded
with noise pollution.
If I ever prayed for anything,
it was for a man
to shut up. — Casey Renee Kiser

The guy had guts - I had to give him that. Later on I was hoping for a first-hand look at them. — Rob Thurman

I love the movie "Titanic." It's my favorite romantic comedy! — Troy Bisson

Just stay still, if you stay still it can't find you. That's sharks, you idiot. Sharks and dinosaurs. This isn't Jurassic Park. — Kelley Armstrong

How can we cash out-of-town checks when don't know whether a town's still there? — Pat Frank

I never arrive unannounced without something big and juicy in hand.
- Simon Hunt — Dannika Dark

I envisioned him tied in a chair, an iron arrow pointed at his brow. Ah, the power of positive thinking. — Red Tash

My condolences, you're still alive. — Fakeer Ishavardas

Love is bread and water to the soul. My relationships are quite soggy. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

It makes no difference what you wear, really. I'll put you in a dark grey. I believe I have some left over from a funeral. says the dressmaker. — Maryrose Wood

I have a dark sense of humor. — Olivia Munn

The victim lay on his face, as most people did after being stuck with ten swords. — Maggie Stiefvater

Life is like coffee, the darker it gets, the more it energizes. — Ankita Singhal

I'm not a particularly dark individual. I have my moments, it's true, but I do have a sense of humor. — Alan Moore

I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. — Nick Helm

That dark humor has always been a part of what I've done. It's always been somewhat tongue-in-cheek. — El-P

She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I'm a simple man. I like pretty dark-haired women and breakfast food. — Ron Swanson

I'm a dog lover and sex addict. Those two things are unrelated. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Misa: I can't even imagine a world without light!
L: Well yes, that would be quite dark. — Takeshi Obata

He circled around me, whispering in my ear. "I'm O positive. I'm everyone's type. — Dannika Dark

She searched for something to say, something that would make the world a little less dark and scary for him.
'Pop-Tart?' she offered. — Stephenie Meyer

When bad things happen, I know you want to believe they are a joke, But sometimes life is scary and dark. That is why we must find the light. — Adventure Time

Try & try until you cannot succeed. — Self

I like dark humor. My favorite movie of all time is 'Harold and Maude.' — Leslie Mann

Ian stepped out to where he knew I could clearly see and identify his tall, dark, and dangerous self. — Lisa Shearin

I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself. — Mark Twain

I'm not afraid of the dark.
I am. Humor me. — Joss Stirling

I'm Reginald Clark, I'm afraid of the dark
So please do not close this book on me. — Shel Silverstein

Loop, you shot him in the head... Fuck yeah he dead. — Brian Azzarello

A difference in self loathing? Please. The only difference between a gun and a rope is the time it takes to tie the knot. — Justine Larbalestier

Love is photogenic, it develops in the dark. — Lorraine Gokul

If you go on touching me, I'll catch fire before your eyes. — Olga Goa

A few of the savage creatures (rabids) I could deal with, but taking on this many ventured very close to suicide. Once was enough, thanks — Julie Kagawa

My dark comic edge is the end result of trying to use humor to maintain my sanity growing up in a dysfunctional family in Honolulu. — Kirby Wright

Scusi mia bella*, but it runs in the blood of all Italians to be skillful lovers. So you have to get used to this. — Olga Goa

There's a word for people you hate, but not enough to let them die...

...Family — Ryan Parrott

Few humans see fairies or hear their music, but many find fairy rings of dark grass, scattered with toadstools, left by their dancing feet. — Judy Allen

It's so hard being goth. You have to have a bad time everywhere. — Clint Catalyst