
There are two important things in the world, the first is sex. The other isn't all that important. —
Woody Allen

I don't believe in competition for artistic things. I just like the atmosphere of the Cannes festival. I don't want to win anything or lose anything. —
Woody Allen

I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me. —
Woody Allen

If Woody Allen called me, I'd be there straight away. Who wouldn't? Truly. —
Julie Delpy

For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal. —
Woody Allen

I've gained no wisdom, no insight, no mellowing. I would make all the same mistakes again, today. —
Woody Allen

I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own. —
Woody Allen

I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman. —
Woody Allen

There have been times when I've thought about it - but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution. —
Woody Allen

I've always been interested in being in other people's movies. I never get any offers. —
Woody Allen

80% of life is showing up. —
Woody Allen

Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That's life - and chess. —
Woody Allen

Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either. —
Woody Allen

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? —
Woody Allen

I can levitate birds. No one cares. —
Woody Allen

Chastity is curable, if detected early. —
Woody Allen

My wife is immature. Whenever I take a bath, she sinks my boats. —
Woody Allen

Tradition is the illusion of permanence. —
Woody Allen

All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that. —
Woody Allen

I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's. —
Woody Allen

Woody Allen movies are like Beatles songs. I can't name my favorite without you immediately naming a better one. —
Colin Trevorrow

I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings. —
Woody Allen

I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy. —
Woody Allen

Woody Allen said that 95% of history is explained as a man trying to impress a woman. And that's true in my life. —
Mitt Romney

My older brother took me to Woody Allen double features when I was still teething. —
Doug Liman

If she were lying on a plate with a herring, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. —
Woody Allen

If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe. —
Woody Allen

The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup? —
Woody Allen

Death should not be seen as the end but as a very effective way to cut down expenses. —
Woody Allen

I didn't believe in reincarnation in my past life, and I still don't. —
Woody Allen

I've always had an easy time directing actors because I always hire ones that are great before I get my hands on them. —
Woody Allen

Anything worth knowing cannot be understood by the human mind. —
Woody Allen

Years of insanity have made this guy crazy! —
Woody Allen

My grandfather had a wonderful funeral ... On the buffet table there was a replica of the deceased in potato salad. —
Woody Allen

I don't think my film style has changed. I'm doing the same kind of jokes I did when I was younger. —
Woody Allen

They confuse everything I do with my life. —
Woody Allen

When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject. —
Woody Allen

The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence. —
Woody Allen

There's no rhyme or reason to anything that I do. It's whatever seems right at the time. —
Woody Allen

I hope you're getting this down. —
Woody Allen

I was a smart kid and I was not understood by my parents. —
Woody Allen

I went through this very serious Woody Allen phase in college and a little bit after college. I still see his movies. —
Josh Radnor

bullshit french post-war rationalizing —
Woody Allen

Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Interestingly, in my case, I share that honor with the Prospect Park Zoo. —
Woody Allen

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100. —
Woody Allen

History is the same thing over and over again. —
Woody Allen

Sylvia Plath. Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college-girl mentality. —
Woody Allen

If you don't have fun doing the film, then the results of the film will never give you any fun. —
Woody Allen

I don't wanna live on in my work. I wanna live on in my apartment. —
Woody Allen

My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign —
Woody Allen

I love 'Bullets Over Broadway,' but I'm pretty sure Woody Allen hasn't killed somebody. —
Mike Birbiglia

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. —
Woody Allen

Over time, my belief in many things has wavered: marriage, the afterlife, Woody Allen. —
Lena Dunham

You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ. —
Woody Allen

Many people who get a lot of money are willing to work with me for no money. This is true. —
Woody Allen

I don't know enough about Woody Allen to be a fan of him. —
Guy Ritchie