Allen Woody Quotes

Where did we come from? Where are we going? Is there possibility of a group discount? — Woody Allen

I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member. — Woody Allen

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look. — Woody Allen

My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that's what I've done. — Woody Allen

The audience is making the film and not the film-maker. — Woody Allen

My heart says one thing. My head says another. Very hard to get your heart and head together in life. — Woody Allen

Working with Woody Allen was extremely gratifying. He has such a vast catalog of great work that doing one of his films was somewhat unreal. — Theo James

I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend. — Woody Allen

I consider myself a completely lucky filmmaker. I've had nothing but good luck. Everything I've needed has come my way. — Woody Allen

Taste my tuna casserole - tell me if I put in too much hot fudge. — Woody Allen

Showing up is 80 percent of life. — Woody Allen

A ship is safe in the harbor, but that's not where ships belong. — Woody Allen

Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym. — Woody Allen

When I am in New York, I want to be in Europe, and when I am in Europe, I want to be in New York. — Woody Allen

If I were gay, you know. I think Woody Allen is one of a long list of men I might go gay for — David Duchovny

I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm. — Woody Allen

As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions. — Woody Allen

The food in this place is really terrible. Yes, and such small portions. That's essentially how I feel about life. — Woody Allen

Have you ever taken a serious political stand on anything? Yeah. Sure. For twenty-four hours once I refused to eat grapes. — Woody Allen

Woody Allen is in his '70s and he's making movies, so I look forward to getting there. — Brett Ratner

Unlike Woody Allen, I would be happy to be part of any (poetry) club that would have me. — Denise Duhamel

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. — Woody Allen

I have a hyper-active imagination, my mind tends to jump around a little, and I have some trouble between fantasy and reality. — Woody Allen

But it was I, yes I, who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics! — Woody Allen

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. — Woody Allen

Once I made a boyfriend dress up as Woody Allen from 'Annie Hall.' — Casey Wilson

The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right. — Woody Allen

I don't get depressed; I grow a tumor instead. — Woody Allen

I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I'm 237 years old, I should be collecting social security. — Woody Allen

I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion with you. — Woody Allen

I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. — Woody Allen

I don't know enough to be incompetent. — Woody Allen

Man cannot live by bread alone. Every once in awhile he needs a salad. — Woody Allen

Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement! — Woody Allen

Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired. — Woody Allen

I'm very old-fashioned. I believe that people should stay married for life, like pigeons and Catholics. — Woody Allen

Nothing like a little post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete. — Woody Allen

I want to return to the womb, anyone's. — Woody Allen

Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down. — Woody Allen

I am told the settlement of $5 million I am being paid is the largest amount ever paid under the New York right to privacy law — Woody Allen

The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and singers. They were giants. — Woody Allen

When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be. — Woody Allen

You know how you're always trying to get things to come out perfect in art because it's real difficult in life — Woody Allen

The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty. — Woody Allen

There are two important things in the world, the first is sex. The other isn't all that important. — Woody Allen

I don't believe in competition for artistic things. I just like the atmosphere of the Cannes festival. I don't want to win anything or lose anything. — Woody Allen

I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me. — Woody Allen

If Woody Allen called me, I'd be there straight away. Who wouldn't? Truly. — Julie Delpy

For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal. — Woody Allen

I've gained no wisdom, no insight, no mellowing. I would make all the same mistakes again, today. — Woody Allen

I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own. — Woody Allen

I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman. — Woody Allen

There have been times when I've thought about it - but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution. — Woody Allen

I've always been interested in being in other people's movies. I never get any offers. — Woody Allen

80% of life is showing up. — Woody Allen

Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That's life - and chess. — Woody Allen

Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either. — Woody Allen

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? — Woody Allen

I can levitate birds. No one cares. — Woody Allen

Chastity is curable, if detected early. — Woody Allen

My wife is immature. Whenever I take a bath, she sinks my boats. — Woody Allen

Tradition is the illusion of permanence. — Woody Allen

All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that. — Woody Allen

I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's. — Woody Allen

Woody Allen movies are like Beatles songs. I can't name my favorite without you immediately naming a better one. — Colin Trevorrow

I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings. — Woody Allen

I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy. — Woody Allen

Woody Allen said that 95% of history is explained as a man trying to impress a woman. And that's true in my life. — Mitt Romney

My older brother took me to Woody Allen double features when I was still teething. — Doug Liman

If she were lying on a plate with a herring, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. — Woody Allen

If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe. — Woody Allen

The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup? — Woody Allen

Death should not be seen as the end but as a very effective way to cut down expenses. — Woody Allen

I didn't believe in reincarnation in my past life, and I still don't. — Woody Allen

I've always had an easy time directing actors because I always hire ones that are great before I get my hands on them. — Woody Allen

Anything worth knowing cannot be understood by the human mind. — Woody Allen

Years of insanity have made this guy crazy! — Woody Allen

My grandfather had a wonderful funeral ... On the buffet table there was a replica of the deceased in potato salad. — Woody Allen

I don't think my film style has changed. I'm doing the same kind of jokes I did when I was younger. — Woody Allen

They confuse everything I do with my life. — Woody Allen

When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject. — Woody Allen

The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence. — Woody Allen

There's no rhyme or reason to anything that I do. It's whatever seems right at the time. — Woody Allen

I hope you're getting this down. — Woody Allen

I was a smart kid and I was not understood by my parents. — Woody Allen

I went through this very serious Woody Allen phase in college and a little bit after college. I still see his movies. — Josh Radnor

bullshit french post-war rationalizing — Woody Allen

Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Interestingly, in my case, I share that honor with the Prospect Park Zoo. — Woody Allen

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100. — Woody Allen

History is the same thing over and over again. — Woody Allen

Sylvia Plath. Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college-girl mentality. — Woody Allen

If you don't have fun doing the film, then the results of the film will never give you any fun. — Woody Allen

I don't wanna live on in my work. I wanna live on in my apartment. — Woody Allen

My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign — Woody Allen

I love 'Bullets Over Broadway,' but I'm pretty sure Woody Allen hasn't killed somebody. — Mike Birbiglia

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. — Woody Allen

Over time, my belief in many things has wavered: marriage, the afterlife, Woody Allen. — Lena Dunham

You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ. — Woody Allen

Many people who get a lot of money are willing to work with me for no money. This is true. — Woody Allen

I don't know enough about Woody Allen to be a fan of him. — Guy Ritchie