I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
— Woody Allen
The audience is making the film and not the film-maker.
— Woody Allen
My heart says one thing. My head says another. Very hard to get your heart and head together in life.
— Woody Allen
I consider myself a completely lucky filmmaker. I've had nothing but good luck. Everything I've needed has come my way.
— Woody Allen
Showing up is 80 percent of life.
— Woody Allen
When I am in New York, I want to be in Europe, and when I am in Europe, I want to be in New York.
— Woody Allen
If I were gay, you know. I think Woody Allen is one of a long list of men I might go gay for
— David Duchovny
I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.
— Woody Allen
As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.
— Woody Allen
The food in this place is really terrible. Yes, and such small portions. That's essentially how I feel about life.
— Woody Allen
Have you ever taken a serious political stand on anything? Yeah. Sure. For twenty-four hours once I refused to eat grapes.
— Woody Allen
Woody Allen is in his '70s and he's making movies, so I look forward to getting there.
— Brett Ratner
Unlike Woody Allen, I would be happy to be part of any (poetry) club that would have me.
— Denise Duhamel
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
— Woody Allen
I have a hyper-active imagination, my mind tends to jump around a little, and I have some trouble between fantasy and reality.
— Woody Allen
But it was I, yes I, who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!
— Woody Allen
The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right.
— Woody Allen
I don't get depressed; I grow a tumor instead.
— Woody Allen
I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I'm 237 years old, I should be collecting social security.
— Woody Allen
I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion with you.
— Woody Allen
I don't know enough to be incompetent.
— Woody Allen
Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!
— Woody Allen
Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired.
— Woody Allen
I'm very old-fashioned. I believe that people should stay married for life, like pigeons and Catholics.
— Woody Allen
I want to return to the womb, anyone's.
— Woody Allen
Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.
— Woody Allen
I am told the settlement of $5 million I am being paid is the largest amount ever paid under the New York right to privacy law
— Woody Allen
The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and singers. They were giants.
— Woody Allen
When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.
— Woody Allen
You know how you're always trying to get things to come out perfect in art because it's real difficult in life
— Woody Allen
The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.
— Woody Allen
80% of life is showing up. — Woody Allen
Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That's life - and chess. — Woody Allen
My wife is immature. Whenever I take a bath, she sinks my boats. — Woody Allen
Woody Allen movies are like Beatles songs. I can't name my favorite without you immediately naming a better one. — Colin Trevorrow
I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy. — Woody Allen
My older brother took me to Woody Allen double features when I was still teething. — Doug Liman
I've gained no wisdom, no insight, no mellowing. I would make all the same mistakes again, today. — Woody Allen
For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal. — Woody Allen
There are two important things in the world, the first is sex. The other isn't all that important. — Woody Allen
Woody Allen said that 95% of history is explained as a man trying to impress a woman. And that's true in my life. — Mitt Romney
I love 'Bullets Over Broadway,' but I'm pretty sure Woody Allen hasn't killed somebody. — Mike Birbiglia
History is the same thing over and over again. — Woody Allen
I didn't believe in reincarnation in my past life, and I still don't. — Woody Allen
You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ. — Woody Allen
The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup? — Woody Allen
Death should not be seen as the end but as a very effective way to cut down expenses. — Woody Allen
I've always had an easy time directing actors because I always hire ones that are great before I get my hands on them. — Woody Allen
Anything worth knowing cannot be understood by the human mind. — Woody Allen
Years of insanity have made this guy crazy! — Woody Allen
My grandfather had a wonderful funeral ... On the buffet table there was a replica of the deceased in potato salad. — Woody Allen
I don't think my film style has changed. I'm doing the same kind of jokes I did when I was younger. — Woody Allen
They confuse everything I do with my life. — Woody Allen
When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject. — Woody Allen
The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence. — Woody Allen
There's no rhyme or reason to anything that I do. It's whatever seems right at the time. — Woody Allen
I hope you're getting this down. — Woody Allen
I was a smart kid and I was not understood by my parents. — Woody Allen
If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe. — Woody Allen
bullshit french post-war rationalizing — Woody Allen
Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Interestingly, in my case, I share that honor with the Prospect Park Zoo. — Woody Allen
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100. — Woody Allen
Sylvia Plath. Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college-girl mentality. — Woody Allen
If you don't have fun doing the film, then the results of the film will never give you any fun. — Woody Allen
I don't wanna live on in my work. I wanna live on in my apartment. — Woody Allen
My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign — Woody Allen
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. — Woody Allen
Over time, my belief in many things has wavered: marriage, the afterlife, Woody Allen. — Lena Dunham
Many people who get a lot of money are willing to work with me for no money. This is true. — Woody Allen
I don't know enough about Woody Allen to be a fan of him. — Guy Ritchie
I went through this very serious Woody Allen phase in college and a little bit after college. I still see his movies. — Josh Radnor
I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman. — Woody Allen
There have been times when I've thought about it - but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution. — Woody Allen
I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own. — Woody Allen
If Woody Allen called me, I'd be there straight away. Who wouldn't? Truly. — Julie Delpy
I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me. — Woody Allen
All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that. — Woody Allen
If she were lying on a plate with a herring, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. — Woody Allen
I don't believe in competition for artistic things. I just like the atmosphere of the Cannes festival. I don't want to win anything or lose anything. — Woody Allen
I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings. — Woody Allen
I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's. — Woody Allen
I've always been interested in being in other people's movies. I never get any offers. — Woody Allen
Tradition is the illusion of permanence. — Woody Allen
Chastity is curable, if detected early. — Woody Allen
I can levitate birds. No one cares. — Woody Allen
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? — Woody Allen
Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either. — Woody Allen
