Patton Oswalt quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Patton Oswalt

Patton Oswalt Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Patton Oswalt on Wise Famous Quotes.

I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out of me with steel pipes.

I'm going to continue to try to strike a balance, because I really, really do love doing stand-up, and I don't see why it should affect the acting.

Does anyone act more like an overserious senior citizen with time running out on their chance for immortality than someone in their twenties?

It's the method of consumption, not what's on the plate.

I like to write, I like to do stand-up, I like to act.

There's something kind of beautiful about that pure love of things. Like, "I'll show that I love the thing I love by hating everything else."

Knowing comedy is knowing human nature.

I'm so beyond genre, drama, comedies, I just want to do really good, interesting projects.

Having enough money has to go hand in hand with living in a way that you're not being a slave to your possessions.

I have a very tiny house in Burbank. I drive an 8-year-old car. I'm gonna drive it into the ground. I enjoy what I enjoy.

Part of being in your twenties is not knowing an ally when you see one.

It's like our country is being run by a bunch of bad alcoholic dads right now.

I hate all sidekicks.

George Bush is not stupid. He's evil. OK? There's a huge difference between stupid and evil.

I don't want to get into extended conversations with people on MySpace, because there are friends I have extended conversations with every day.

The Kentucky Fried Chicken corporation made a bobble head of me and sent it to my management. No card, nothing.

I've gotten very cynical and kind of anhedonic about all the things I have to do to get to do comedy: all the travel, hotels, and airports.

If Kevin James or Paul Giamatti drop weight, I'm done. I don't want to be the last pudge out there.

I can't say that I ever abided nerd stereotypes: I was never alone or felt outcast.

Every zombie story is fundamentally about a breakdown of order, with the infrastructure intact. That infrastructure might be on fire, yes.

I have some shorter stories coming out in other books early next year. I might be pitching a re-vamp of Ghost Rider in the spring. We'll see.

When you put an album out, you can't do any material from the album if people are paying to see you.

Its gaze unlocked a room in my nightmares which should have remained closed.

To get asked to do stuff like 'United States Of Tara' and 'Caprica' is terrific. I can't complain.

Any comedian who tells you how dark and dangerous they are, they're not dark and dangerous.

If the victories we create in our heads were let loose on reality, the world we know would drown in blazing happiness.

If you play comedic scenes like they're really serious, then it's so much more funny than if you're going for a laugh.

I've been very lucky in my life in terms of people who are able to tolerate me.

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.

Knock on wood, my groupies tend to be very artistic, creative people - sometimes way more creative than I am.

Imitation leads to exhilaration when you follow it back to its source.

I'm grateful that I had that uphill battle for 10 years of going onstage and having nobody know who I was, because you have to win them over.

Comedy and terror and autobiography and comics and literature-they're all the same thing. To me.

As much as I know people love the method and what you can draw out of yourself, a lot of acting is very imaginative.

Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.

Even if you're popular, there are times when you just feel like you're not a part of things.

I'm always trying out new stuff onstage. That's where I do all my writing.

I love the beginning of Magnolia, the thing about the dealer. That scene is genius. Brilliantly acted.

I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, 'Well, I've had it with humanity.' But I was wrong.

Meal isn't over when I'm full. Meal's over when I hate myself.

You just do as many shows as you can to hone what it is you're working on.

I'm not familiar with the metric system.

Zombies can't believe the energy we waste on nonfood pursuits.

Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as "Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice"?

I fantasize and idealize myself as Bugs Bunny, but I know deep down I'm Daffy Duck.

He smelled like carpeting, Scotch tape, and steak sauce.

90% of every art form is garbage - dance and stand-up, painting and music. Focus on the 10% that's good, suck it up, and drive on.

You have to be ruthless with yourself, in terms of being honest about what is working and what is not.

Lot of ugly funny dudes end up with some pretty gorgeous women. Women are much deeper than us in choosing a mate - they see in the long term.

Stand-up is something I just truly love to do, so I'll always go back to it. I'll never stop doing it, that's for sure.

I think right now is the best time for stand-up, ever. I sincerely do.

If someone like this were to like me, to like my comedy, and to like the way I conduct myself professionally, it would mean that I suck as a person.

Even if it's other people, like on MySpace pages, we're just as collective of enthusiasts now. That seems to be the world we're in.

We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

I never said that movies were struggling behind TV. I'm just saying that movies have a better creative cache.

I have to drink this much to be as unfunny as you.

As unhealthy as I am, I'm weirdly aware of exactly how my body functions.

People will find transformation and transcendence in a McDonald's hash brown if it's all they've got.

Doing 'Young Adult' was really reassuring to me in a lot of ways. It confirmed a lot of suspicions I had about great actors.

I identify [myself] as a stand-up first. Even though lately there's been an explosion of acting on my schedule.

The man is clear in his mind. But his soul is mad.

The great ones show you what you can get away with. The shitty ones remind you what never to bother with.

Hobos' (a slang term that combines the words 'hope' and 'bowl of beans given to me for free by a woman who then initiated intercourse')

In my mind, I was always a comedian who was going to branch into writing.

I grew up in such a featureless, personality-less suburb. There was nothing to push against.

We need conservatives that can accept gays, and then we need hippies that can shave and bathe.