John Oliver Quotes

Top 86 wise famous quotes and sayings by John Oliver

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John Oliver Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from John Oliver on Wise Famous Quotes.

John Oliver quotes: I would hate to meet myself at 15. I would hate to meet myself at 15.
John Oliver quotes: I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in! I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!
John Oliver quotes: It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge. It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge.
John Oliver quotes: I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love. I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love.
John Oliver quotes: There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that. There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that.
John Oliver quotes: Americans just don't understand dry wit. Americans just don't understand dry wit.
John Oliver quotes: If you vote for Democrats, you might as well give Al Quaeda a death ray and a manual. If you vote for Democrats, you might as well give Al Quaeda a death ray and a manual.
John Oliver quotes: Attending a Sarah Palin rally was simultaneously one of the strangest and most chilling events of my life. Attending a Sarah Palin rally was simultaneously one of the strangest and most chilling events of my life.
John Oliver quotes: Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you. Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.
John Oliver quotes: There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers. There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers.
John Oliver quotes: Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually. Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually.
John Oliver quotes: I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go. I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go.
John Oliver quotes: Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can. Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can.
John Oliver quotes: There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers.
John Oliver quotes: Drumpf is like a Magic 8-Ball. Every time you shake him, he gives you a different answer. Drumpf is like a Magic 8-Ball. Every time you shake him, he gives you a different answer.
John Oliver quotes: I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy. I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy.
John Oliver quotes: I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have. I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have.
John Oliver quotes: I would never heckle someone. That's why I think I'm so interested in someone that would. I would never heckle someone. That's why I think I'm so interested in someone that would.
John Oliver quotes: Iran is the middle child of the Axis of Evil. Iraq is the oldest child and gets the lion's share of the attention, and North Korea is the crazy baby. Iran is the middle child of the Axis of Evil. Iraq is the oldest child and gets the lion's share of the attention, and North Korea is the crazy baby.
John Oliver quotes: You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job. You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job.
John Oliver quotes: When you're dealing with serious subjects, there is a pressure to be absolutely sure that you know what you're doing. When you're dealing with serious subjects, there is a pressure to be absolutely sure that you know what you're doing.
John Oliver quotes: I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into. I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.
John Oliver quotes: I find it hard in my general life to think further than the week ahead. I find it hard in my general life to think further than the week ahead.
John Oliver quotes: Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury. Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury.
John Oliver quotes: When you've married someone who's been at war, there is nothing you can do that compares to that level of selflessness and bravery. When you've married someone who's been at war, there is nothing you can do that compares to that level of selflessness and bravery.
John Oliver quotes: I've said yes to everything that Jon Stewart has asked me to do. That's been a pretty good career decision, I think. I've said yes to everything that Jon Stewart has asked me to do. That's been a pretty good career decision, I think.
John Oliver quotes: Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect. Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect.
John Oliver quotes: Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being. Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being.
John Oliver quotes: Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.' Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'
John Oliver quotes: A Southern accent is not a club in my bag. A Southern accent is not a club in my bag.
John Oliver quotes: Do you know how hard it is to kill 30 million people? It's a logistical nightmare. Do you know how hard it is to kill 30 million people? It's a logistical nightmare.
John Oliver quotes: I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything. I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything.
John Oliver quotes: The disconnect between America and its military is shocking. The disconnect between America and its military is shocking.
John Oliver quotes: When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain. When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.
John Oliver quotes: The German language is so sonorous, isn't it? Beautiful language ... the language of poetry. Angry, angry poetry. The German language is so sonorous, isn't it? Beautiful language ... the language of poetry. Angry, angry poetry.
John Oliver quotes: We invented words; we'll tell you how they're supposed to sound. We invented words; we'll tell you how they're supposed to sound.
John Oliver quotes: Economics is like the Dutch language - I'm told it makes sense, but I have my doubts. Economics is like the Dutch language - I'm told it makes sense, but I have my doubts.
John Oliver quotes: Once you learn how to make people laugh, then you get to choose exactly how you want to make them laugh. Once you learn how to make people laugh, then you get to choose exactly how you want to make them laugh.
John Oliver quotes: When you do stand-up, you're just concerned with trying to leave with some semblance of human dignity at the end of your performance. When you do stand-up, you're just concerned with trying to leave with some semblance of human dignity at the end of your performance.
John Oliver quotes: I have a green card now, but they can take that away, yeah, they can take that away at any moment. So please don't; please let me keep it. I have a green card now, but they can take that away, yeah, they can take that away at any moment. So please don't; please let me keep it.
John Oliver quotes: Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word. Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word.
John Oliver quotes: I don't know if there is some psychological thing of wanting to know where your doctor got his degree from before he comes into the medical room. I don't know if there is some psychological thing of wanting to know where your doctor got his degree from before he comes into the medical room.
John Oliver quotes: I'm British. I don't really have access to my emotions on a daily basis. I'm British. I don't really have access to my emotions on a daily basis.
John Oliver quotes: I would much rather America was a more stable, wonderful place. You know, I love it. I would much rather America was a more stable, wonderful place. You know, I love it.
John Oliver quotes: I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes. I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes.
John Oliver quotes: Mr. President, no one is saying you broke any laws, we're just saying it's a little bit weird you didn't have to. Mr. President, no one is saying you broke any laws, we're just saying it's a little bit weird you didn't have to.
John Oliver quotes: I'm British; pessimism is my wheelhouse. I'm British; pessimism is my wheelhouse.
John Oliver quotes: Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back. Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back.
John Oliver quotes: You know that things are not going well when you lose the moral high ground to a TMZ reporter, You know that things are not going well when you lose the moral high ground to a TMZ reporter,
John Oliver quotes: If your name is Sepp, at the bare minimum you've strangled someone in a bar fight. If your name is Sepp, at the bare minimum you've strangled someone in a bar fight.
John Oliver quotes: Armando Iannucci is one of my heroes. As I was growing up, he was probably the most influential comic voice that I had. Armando Iannucci is one of my heroes. As I was growing up, he was probably the most influential comic voice that I had.
John Oliver quotes: Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels. Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels.
John Oliver quotes: Wow. Losing 95 percent of your audience in just five years. That basically makes Obama the NBC of presidents. Wow. Losing 95 percent of your audience in just five years. That basically makes Obama the NBC of presidents.
John Oliver quotes: Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest. Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest.
John Oliver quotes: I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior. I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior.
John Oliver quotes: Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,' Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,'
John Oliver quotes: I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life. I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life.
John Oliver quotes: You have to do stand-up quite a long time before you learn how to do it well. You have to do stand-up quite a long time before you learn how to do it well.
John Oliver quotes: I think it might honestly be time for the Sunshine State to officially change its motto to the Worst State. I think it might honestly be time for the Sunshine State to officially change its motto to the Worst State.
John Oliver quotes: I can't relax. I find vacations problematic. I can't relax. I find vacations problematic.
John Oliver quotes: It really helps a comedian to be an outsider. It really helps a comedian to be an outsider.
John Oliver quotes: It's exciting to have a role in anything that's Claymation, just because you're always intrigued by what a clay wizard version of yourself would be. It's exciting to have a role in anything that's Claymation, just because you're always intrigued by what a clay wizard version of yourself would be.
John Oliver quotes: There is no greater anesthetic than sport. There is no greater anesthetic than sport.
John Oliver quotes: People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character. People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character.
John Oliver quotes: One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional. One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional.
John Oliver quotes: Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath. Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath.
John Oliver quotes: The British press are a group of unremitting scumbags. And sometimes they use that scumbaggery to good ends, and often not. The British press are a group of unremitting scumbags. And sometimes they use that scumbaggery to good ends, and often not.
John Oliver quotes: I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen. I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen.
John Oliver quotes: Pumpkin spice lattes are egg nog for morning people. Pumpkin spice lattes are egg nog for morning people.
John Oliver quotes: Politics has become infused with narcissism in America. Politics has become infused with narcissism in America.
John Oliver quotes: When you see people say crazy things on our show, they mean this stuff,and that's easy to forget: They're not joking. When you see people say crazy things on our show, they mean this stuff,and that's easy to forget: They're not joking.
John Oliver quotes: You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting. You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting.
John Oliver quotes: You're sonically racist, Americans. You think we all sound the same, whereas I have definitely a mongrel accent. You're sonically racist, Americans. You think we all sound the same, whereas I have definitely a mongrel accent.
John Oliver quotes: There are some people who watch NASCAR for the highly skilled driving - but most people watch it for the crashes. There are some people who watch NASCAR for the highly skilled driving - but most people watch it for the crashes.
John Oliver quotes: I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician. I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician.
John Oliver quotes: Democracy is like a tamborine - not everyone can be trusted with it. Democracy is like a tamborine - not everyone can be trusted with it.
John Oliver quotes: British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death
John Oliver quotes: It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa. It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa.
John Oliver quotes: News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right. News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right.
John Oliver quotes: The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked. The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked.
John Oliver quotes: I'm always interested in audience interaction. Not so much aggressive audience interaction - I'm genuinely interested in how people see things. I'm always interested in audience interaction. Not so much aggressive audience interaction - I'm genuinely interested in how people see things.
John Oliver quotes: I really love stand-up. I'm more than happy to do it for nothing. I've come to America to do it for nothing. It's the American Dream: Work for free. I really love stand-up. I'm more than happy to do it for nothing. I've come to America to do it for nothing. It's the American Dream: Work for free.
John Oliver quotes: Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way. Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way.
John Oliver quotes: Politicians don't really bring up religion in England. Politicians don't really bring up religion in England.
John Oliver quotes: People are friendlier in New York than London. People are friendlier in New York than London.
John Oliver quotes: I think I'm just a summer fling that people will soon forget. I think I'm just a summer fling that people will soon forget.

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