Jay Leno Quotes

Top 100 wise famous quotes and sayings by Jay Leno

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Jay Leno Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Jay Leno on Wise Famous Quotes.

Jay Leno quotes: Sixty years ago this week Hitler invaded Poland. This led to the creation of The History Channel. Sixty years ago this week Hitler invaded Poland. This led to the creation of The History Channel.
Jay Leno quotes: Things have really changed here in Hollywood. Used to be people in this town couldn't wait to get an envelope full of white powder. Things have really changed here in Hollywood. Used to be people in this town couldn't wait to get an envelope full of white powder.
Jay Leno quotes: You know who Boehner is, right? He's that orange looking guy. See, for Republicans that counts as diversity. You know who Boehner is, right? He's that orange looking guy. See, for Republicans that counts as diversity.
Jay Leno quotes: The Bush administration has apparently approved a plan to oust Saddam Hussein. I think that's President Bush's Father's Day gift to his Dad. The Bush administration has apparently approved a plan to oust Saddam Hussein. I think that's President Bush's Father's Day gift to his Dad.
Jay Leno quotes: Diet Coke with lemon - didn't that used to be called Pledge? Diet Coke with lemon - didn't that used to be called Pledge?
Jay Leno quotes: The Republican debate got pretty heated. They spent most of their time arguing over who God called first. The Republican debate got pretty heated. They spent most of their time arguing over who God called first.
Jay Leno quotes: President Obama said he plans on training 10,000 new math and science teachers. How about teaching math to that economic team of his? President Obama said he plans on training 10,000 new math and science teachers. How about teaching math to that economic team of his?
Jay Leno quotes: You know what you call the two winners of that $580 million PowerBall lottery? ... Former Democrats You know what you call the two winners of that $580 million PowerBall lottery? ... Former Democrats
Jay Leno quotes: Today is February 14th - St. Valentine's day. Women call it Love day, while men name it as Extortion day. Today is February 14th - St. Valentine's day. Women call it Love day, while men name it as Extortion day.
Jay Leno quotes: So China's president [Hu Jintao] meets, uh meets America's president. It's like President "Who?" meeting President "Huh?". So China's president [Hu Jintao] meets, uh meets America's president. It's like President "Who?" meeting President "Huh?".
Jay Leno quotes: L.A.'s large convenience stores are so big they can accommodate up to twenty armed robbers at one time. L.A.'s large convenience stores are so big they can accommodate up to twenty armed robbers at one time.
Jay Leno quotes: Anthony Weiner and his wife, Huma, have given birth to a baby boy. He posted a photo of the new baby on Twitter, but people are afraid to open it. Anthony Weiner and his wife, Huma, have given birth to a baby boy. He posted a photo of the new baby on Twitter, but people are afraid to open it.
Jay Leno quotes: Regulations force people to do better. Regulations force people to do better.
Jay Leno quotes: Thanksgiving began in 1621 when Native Americans sat down with a bunch of undocumented pilgrims. They had dinner and the pilgrims never left. Thanksgiving began in 1621 when Native Americans sat down with a bunch of undocumented pilgrims. They had dinner and the pilgrims never left.
Jay Leno quotes: I've lost some weight. I am on that new Obama diet. Every day I let Vladimir Putin eat my lunch. I've lost some weight. I am on that new Obama diet. Every day I let Vladimir Putin eat my lunch.
Jay Leno quotes: In spite of the poor economy, almost 70 percent of Americans occasionally splurge on luxury items like a blanket on a plane, or a peanut. In spite of the poor economy, almost 70 percent of Americans occasionally splurge on luxury items
like a blanket on a plane, or a peanut.
Jay Leno quotes: President Bush spoke with the Amish. He didn't want to, but it was the only group he could find that wasn't upset about the high price of gas. President Bush spoke with the Amish. He didn't want to, but it was the only group he could find that wasn't upset about the high price of gas.
Jay Leno quotes: This problem with illegal immigration is nothing new. In fact, the Indians had a special name for it. They called it "white people." This problem with illegal immigration is nothing new. In fact, the Indians had a special name for it. They called it "white people."
Jay Leno quotes: People don't mind if you have a lot of money if they know you're working for it. People don't mind if you have a lot of money if they know you're working for it.
Jay Leno quotes: Big scandal on the new 'Survivor' series. The white, the black and the Hispanic teams were caught cheating off the Asian team. Big scandal on the new 'Survivor' series. The white, the black and the Hispanic teams were caught cheating off the Asian team.
Jay Leno quotes: Here's an interesting figure: 43 percent of the incoming congressional freshmen are millionaires. The other 57 percent are Democrats. Here's an interesting figure: 43 percent of the incoming congressional freshmen are millionaires. The other 57 percent are Democrats.
Jay Leno quotes: Congress voted for tougher laws on corporations. So now when a corporation buys a senator, they need a receipt. Congress voted for tougher laws on corporations. So now when a corporation buys a senator, they need a receipt.
Jay Leno quotes: If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough. If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough.
Jay Leno quotes: Starbuck's is going to start selling instant coffee. This is for people who want the quality of Sanka, but want to pay the high Starbuck's price. Starbuck's is going to start selling instant coffee. This is for people who want the quality of Sanka, but want to pay the high Starbuck's price.
Jay Leno quotes: Apparently, Osama bin Laden was killed with money and phone numbers sewn into his clothing. So we got him right before he left for summer camp. Apparently, Osama bin Laden was killed with money and phone numbers sewn into his clothing. So we got him right before he left for summer camp.
Jay Leno quotes: Not a good night for President Obama. He lost elections in Virginia, New Jersey, and he's not doing good in Afghanistan either. Not a good night for President Obama. He lost elections in Virginia, New Jersey, and he's not doing good in Afghanistan either.
Jay Leno quotes: President Bush said global warming is happening much quicker than he thought, and then his staff pulled him aside and said 'It's just springtime.' President Bush said global warming is happening much quicker than he thought, and then his staff pulled him aside and said 'It's just springtime.'
Jay Leno quotes: Do you realize that the Bush administration has now produced more gay marriages than jobs? Do you realize that the Bush administration has now produced more gay marriages than jobs?
Jay Leno quotes: The French announced today that they would not help us remove Saddam from Iraq. Well Duh! They didn't even help us remove Hitlerfrom France. The French announced today that they would not help us remove Saddam from Iraq. Well Duh! They didn't even help us remove Hitler
from France.
Jay Leno quotes: I tell you, the economy is in bad shape. In fact, the economy is so bad, President Barack Obama's new slogan is 'Spare Change You Can Believe In.' I tell you, the economy is in bad shape. In fact, the economy is so bad, President Barack Obama's new slogan is 'Spare Change You Can Believe In.'
Jay Leno quotes: Know what the Taliban leaders like to do for fun? Just sit around and get bombed. Know what the Taliban leaders like to do for fun? Just sit around and get bombed.
Jay Leno quotes: There's nothing more frightening than a day job. There's nothing more frightening than a day job.
Jay Leno quotes: President Obama met with leaders of the American Indian tribes and they honored the president by giving him his own Indian name: Running Deficits. President Obama met with leaders of the American Indian tribes and they honored the president by giving him his own Indian name: Running Deficits.
Jay Leno quotes: Romney raised $10 million. That's a dollar for every position he's had on healthcare. Romney raised $10 million. That's a dollar for every position he's had on healthcare.
Jay Leno quotes: Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. Not with Iraq. With France and Germany. How did we screw that one up? Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. Not with Iraq. With France and Germany. How did we screw that one up?
Jay Leno quotes: Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street
Jay Leno quotes: You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh. You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.
Jay Leno quotes: America needs ObamaCare like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask. America needs ObamaCare like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
Jay Leno quotes: A new study says that over half of all Californians are obese. In fact, half of Californians are really two-thirds of Californians. A new study says that over half of all Californians are
obese. In fact, half of Californians are really two-thirds
of Californians.
Jay Leno quotes: The worst thing about losing this job: I'm no longer covered by NBC. I have to sign up for ObamaCare. The worst thing about losing this job: I'm no longer covered by NBC. I have to sign up for ObamaCare.
Jay Leno quotes: U.N. weapons inspectors found empty chemical warheads in Iraq. So, the question everyone is asking now is how did Sean Penn miss this? U.N. weapons inspectors found empty chemical warheads in Iraq. So, the question everyone is asking now is how did Sean Penn miss this?
Jay Leno quotes: If I have one advantage, it's that I will try to work harder than the next guy. If I have one advantage, it's that I will try to work harder than the next guy.
Jay Leno quotes: Gas stations are considering hiring security guards. Why are they getting security guards? We're the ones getting robbed. Gas stations are considering hiring security guards. Why are they getting security guards? We're the ones getting robbed.
Jay Leno quotes: Paris Hilton got 45 days in jail. A lot of people were upset about this - they were hoping for the death penalty. Paris Hilton got 45 days in jail. A lot of people were upset about this - they were hoping for the death penalty.
Jay Leno quotes: You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.
Jay Leno quotes: I went to see that movie 'From Hell,' or as Osama bin Laden calls it - 'Roots.' I went to see that movie 'From Hell,' or as Osama bin Laden calls it - 'Roots.'
Jay Leno quotes: Donald Trump says that he will not run for president. You know why? He can't find his birth certificate. Donald Trump says that he will not run for president. You know why? He can't find his birth certificate.
Jay Leno quotes: Martha Stewart is now under house arrest. So she'll go to her $40 million 153-acre estate. So she's going from the big house to an even bigger house. Martha Stewart is now under house arrest. So she'll go to her $40 million 153-acre estate. So she's going from the big house to an even bigger house.
Jay Leno quotes: A Christmas treethe perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead. A Christmas tree
the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead.
Jay Leno quotes: President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner played golf this weekend. Obama's handicap is Joe Biden. President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner played golf this weekend. Obama's handicap is Joe Biden.
Jay Leno quotes: Before we give the government any more money, show us some receipts. Before we give the government any more money, show us some receipts.
Jay Leno quotes: When did the government become our psycho ex-girlfriend When did the government become our psycho ex-girlfriend
Jay Leno quotes: These White House scandals are not going away anytime soon. People in Kenya are now saying he's 100 percent American. That's how bad it's gotten. These White House scandals are not going away anytime soon. People in Kenya are now saying he's 100 percent American. That's how bad it's gotten.
Jay Leno quotes: On 'Meet the Press' yesterday President Bush was asked what he would do if he lost the election and Bush said, 'Phhh, you mean like last time?' On 'Meet the Press' yesterday President Bush was asked what he would do if he lost the election and Bush said, 'Phhh, you mean like last time?'
Jay Leno quotes: Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Jay Leno quotes: According to CNN, Donald Rumsfeld said the war in Iraq did not go according to plan. And President Bush said, 'What? We had a plan?' According to CNN, Donald Rumsfeld said the war in Iraq did not go according to plan. And President Bush said, 'What? We had a plan?'
Jay Leno quotes: Last week convicted Enron crook Ken Lay died of a heart attack. They announced they were going to cremate him. Where he's going, why bother?. Last week convicted Enron crook Ken Lay died of a heart attack. They announced they were going to cremate him. Where he's going, why bother?.
Jay Leno quotes: You know what they say when a supermodel gets pregnant? Now she's eating for one. You know what they say when a supermodel gets pregnant? Now she's eating for one.
Jay Leno quotes: Republicans are calling the Bush-Cheney ticket the 'Wizard of Oz' ticket. One needs a heart and the other needs a brain. Republicans are calling the Bush-Cheney ticket the 'Wizard of Oz' ticket. One needs a heart and the other needs a brain.
Jay Leno quotes: We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards? We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards?
Jay Leno quotes: Men are liars. We lie about lying if we have to. Men are liars. We lie about lying if we have to.
Jay Leno quotes: "I am not just another notch on your belt?" she asked him. "Of course not." he said as he put a mark on the chalkboard. "I am not just another notch on your belt?" she asked him. "Of course not." he said as he put a mark on the chalkboard.
Jay Leno quotes: We live in what's called an open society, which of course means they open our emails, open our phone records, and open our medical records. We live in what's called an open society, which of course means they open our emails, open our phone records, and open our medical records.
Jay Leno quotes: I was in the ROTC. Of course, ROTC stood for 'Running off to Canada.' I was in the ROTC. Of course, ROTC stood for 'Running off to Canada.'
Jay Leno quotes: 50% of Americas population spends less than 10 dollars a month on romance. You know what we call these people? Men! 50% of Americas population spends less than 10 dollars a month on romance. You know what we call these people? Men!
Jay Leno quotes: My dad's idea of a good time is to go to Sears and walk around. My dad's idea of a good time is to go to Sears and walk around.
Jay Leno quotes: Financial experts are saying we are entering a new chapter in the American economy. I believe it's Chapter 11. Financial experts are saying we are entering a new chapter in the American economy. I believe it's Chapter 11.
Jay Leno quotes: Statistics show 50% of the people use the internet. The rest have sex with real people. Statistics show 50% of the people use the internet. The rest have sex with real people.
Jay Leno quotes: One thing about mildly dyslexic people - they're good at setting everything else aside to pursue one goal. One thing about mildly dyslexic people - they're good at setting everything else aside to pursue one goal.
Jay Leno quotes: The United States is sending its most powerful drone to Libya. That's a long trip for Joe Biden. The United States is sending its most powerful drone to Libya. That's a long trip for Joe Biden.
Jay Leno quotes: I had a dog that was so lazy, he had a prerecorded bark. I had a dog that was so lazy, he had a prerecorded bark.
Jay Leno quotes: It's being reported that the economy lost 95,000 jobs in September. And that's just people leaving the White House. It's being reported that the economy lost 95,000 jobs in September. And that's just people leaving the White House.
Jay Leno quotes: Rick Perry has made so many gaffes lately, it is hard to tell if he's running against President Obama or Joe Biden. Rick Perry has made so many gaffes lately, it is hard to tell if he's running against President Obama or Joe Biden.
Jay Leno quotes: There is a video out now on how to please men. Here's tip number 1: Just show up! There is a video out now on how to please men. Here's tip number 1: Just show up!
Jay Leno quotes: According to the Mayans, the world is supposed to end in the year 2012. Are you buying that? When's the last time you even ran into a Mayan? According to the Mayans, the world is supposed to end in the year 2012. Are you buying that? When's the last time you even ran into a Mayan?
Jay Leno quotes: Your preoccupation should be on doing what you do as well as you can. Your preoccupation should be on doing what you do as well as you can.
Jay Leno quotes: Today Arnold Schwarzenegger made another major announcement. He said his lieutenant governor will be Xena, Warrior Princess. Today Arnold Schwarzenegger made another major announcement. He said his lieutenant governor will be Xena, Warrior Princess.
Jay Leno quotes: The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about.
Jay Leno quotes: I think there's one more thing Perry can forget, too: Being president. I think there's one more thing Perry can forget, too: Being president.
Jay Leno quotes: I was born the day I got my license. When I was a kid, if I wanted to go somewhere and see things, you have to get in your car I was born the day I got my license. When I was a kid, if I wanted to go somewhere and see things, you have to get in your car and actually go.
Jay Leno quotes: CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts: regular, premium and unleaded. CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts: regular, premium and unleaded.
Jay Leno quotes: You know who must be very secure in their masculinity? Male ladybugs. You know who must be very secure in their masculinity? Male ladybugs.
Jay Leno quotes: According to a survey in this week's Time magazine, 85% of Americans think global warming is happening. The other 15% work for the White House. According to a survey in this week's Time magazine, 85% of Americans think global warming is happening. The other 15% work for the White House.
Jay Leno quotes: Scientists think they can now clone an all-white zebra. Now, I'm no expert, but isn't that a horse? Scientists think they can now clone an all-white zebra. Now, I'm no expert, but isn't that a horse?
Jay Leno quotes: Contact with the customer is what business is all about. Contact with the customer is what business is all about.
Jay Leno quotes: The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular. The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular.
Jay Leno quotes: We're fighting three wars now. Imagine how many we'd be fighting if President Obama hadn't won the Nobel Peace Prize. We're fighting three wars now. Imagine how many we'd be fighting if President Obama hadn't won the Nobel Peace Prize.
Jay Leno quotes: How many are worried about a government shutdown? How many are more worried about it starting back up? How many are worried about a government shutdown? How many are more worried about it starting back up?
Jay Leno quotes: Well, Joe Biden has done it again. He showed up at the White House Passover Seder with a bunch of ham sandwiches. Well, Joe Biden has done it again. He showed up at the White House Passover Seder with a bunch of ham sandwiches.
Jay Leno quotes: President Obama told the Irish people that America will always stand by them, to which Israel laughed. President Obama told the Irish people that America will always stand by them, to which Israel laughed.
Jay Leno quotes: Six women have come forward that say Arnold Schwarzenegger groped them without their consent. This proves he would be a hands-on governor. Six women have come forward that say Arnold Schwarzenegger groped them without their consent. This proves he would be a hands-on governor.
Jay Leno quotes: In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously. In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously.
Jay Leno quotes: I don't know why it's so hard to believe women. You to go Saudi Arabia and you need two women to testify against a man. Here you need 25. I don't know why it's so hard to believe women. You to go Saudi Arabia and you need two women to testify against a man. Here you need 25.
Jay Leno quotes: Anybody can have a life. Careers are hard to come by. Anybody can have a life. Careers are hard to come by.
Jay Leno quotes: Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate. The Butcher of Baghdad vs. the Butcher of the English language. Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate. The Butcher of Baghdad vs. the Butcher of the English language.
Jay Leno quotes: This is a strange country we live in. When it comes to electing a President, we get two choices. But when we have to select a Miss America, we get This is a strange country we live in. When it comes to electing a President, we get two choices. But when we have to select a Miss America, we get 50.
Jay Leno quotes: 9% would give up sex for the remote control. 91% has already given up sex for the remote control! 9% would give up sex for the remote control. 91% has already given up sex for the remote control!
Jay Leno quotes: Marriage is grand. Divorce is about twenty grand. Marriage is grand. Divorce is about twenty grand.
Jay Leno quotes: Politics is just show business for ugly people. Politics is just show business for ugly people.
Jay Leno quotes: If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

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