Conan O'Brien Quotes

Top 100 wise famous quotes and sayings by Conan O'Brien

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Conan O'Brien Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Conan O'Brien on Wise Famous Quotes.

Conan O'Brien quotes: President Obama has pledged $3 billion to aid poor nations. All of that $3 billion is going to the United States. President Obama has pledged $3 billion to aid poor nations. All of that $3 billion is going to the United States.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Today, possible presidential candidate Donald Trump released his birth certificate. It lists his eyes as blue and his hair as ridiculous. Today, possible presidential candidate Donald Trump released his birth certificate. It lists his eyes as blue and his hair as ridiculous.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Donald Trump has fired a campaign adviser for posting racist remarks on Facebook. Isn't that shocking? Donald Trump has a campaign adviser. Donald Trump has fired a campaign adviser for posting racist remarks on Facebook. Isn't that shocking? Donald Trump has a campaign adviser.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Your path at 22 will not necessarily be your path at 32 or 42. Your path at 22 will not necessarily be your path at 32 or 42.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Some McDonald's restaurants are taking reservations on Valentine's Day. They are getting a lot of tables for one. Some McDonald's restaurants are taking reservations on Valentine's Day. They are getting a lot of tables for one.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Though you should not fear failure, you should do your very best to avoid it. Though you should not fear failure, you should do your very best to avoid it.
Conan O'Brien quotes: In the midterm elections, a 102-year-old woman voted for the first time in a U.S. election. Unfortunately, she voted for Woodrow Wilson. In the midterm elections, a 102-year-old woman voted for the first time in a U.S. election. Unfortunately, she voted for Woodrow Wilson.
Conan O'Brien quotes: There is nothing more liberating than having your worst fear realized. There is nothing more liberating than having your worst fear realized.
Conan O'Brien quotes: In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani. In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani.
Conan O'Brien quotes: The hockey lockout of 1994 - 1995 has been settled. They have stopped bickering ... and can now get down to some serious bloodshed! The hockey lockout of 1994 - 1995 has been settled. They have stopped bickering ... and can now get down to some serious bloodshed!
Conan O'Brien quotes: A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE a smartphone. A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE a smartphone.
Conan O'Brien quotes: The Northeast is being hit with a major snowstorm. Forecasters said they've haven't seen a whiteout like this since last week's Oscar nominations. The Northeast is being hit with a major snowstorm. Forecasters said they've haven't seen a whiteout like this since last week's Oscar nominations.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly. Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.
Conan O'Brien quotes: It's rumored that Arnold Schwarzenegger's son is cheating on his girlfriend Miley Cyrus. After hearing about it Arnold said, 'That's my boy.' It's rumored that Arnold Schwarzenegger's son is cheating on his girlfriend Miley Cyrus. After hearing about it Arnold said, 'That's my boy.'
Conan O'Brien quotes: Work hard and be kind and amazing things will happen. Work hard and be kind and amazing things will happen.
Conan O'Brien quotes: I can't wait for the Republican debates to start and there's literally 65 guys on one stage. I can't wait for the Republican debates to start and there's literally 65 guys on one stage.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Mexico's No. 1 drug lord has escaped from prison and may be headed to the U.S. So Donald Trump was wrong. They ARE sending us their best. Mexico's No. 1 drug lord has escaped from prison and may be headed to the U.S. So Donald Trump was wrong. They ARE sending us their best.
Conan O'Brien quotes: I think in future people will take television in eyedrop form. All media will be in eyedrops. I think in future people will take television in eyedrop form. All media will be in eyedrops.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Marijuana plants were found near bin Laden's compound, which explains why bin Laden's last words were, 'Dude ... ' Marijuana plants were found near bin Laden's compound, which explains why bin Laden's last words were, 'Dude ... '
Conan O'Brien quotes: In the Year 2000 the discovery of extraterrestrial life will create a revolution in science, art, and pornography. In the Year 2000 the discovery of extraterrestrial life will create a revolution in science, art, and pornography.
Conan O'Brien quotes: The White House says they will release the Osama bin Laden death photo. Better yet, they're doing it on a set of limited edition commemorative plates. The White House says they will release the Osama bin Laden death photo. Better yet, they're doing it on a set of limited edition commemorative plates.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Medical marijuana users are now lobbying for the right to carry firearms. Because no one is a better shot than a stoned old man with glaucoma. Medical marijuana users are now lobbying for the right to carry firearms. Because no one is a better shot than a stoned old man with glaucoma.
Conan O'Brien quotes: According to a new poll, nearly six out of 10 Republicans want Mitt Romney to run for president. So do 10 out of 10 Democrats. According to a new poll, nearly six out of 10 Republicans want Mitt Romney to run for president. So do 10 out of 10 Democrats.
Conan O'Brien quotes: President Obama answered questions on YouTube today. He was asked 7,500 times about legalizing marijuana. And that was just from Chad in Portland. President Obama answered questions on YouTube today. He was asked 7,500 times about legalizing marijuana. And that was just from Chad in Portland.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Earlier today, President Bush said Kerry will be a tough and hard-charging opponent. That explains why Bush's nickname for Kerry is math. Earlier today, President Bush said Kerry will be a tough and hard-charging opponent. That explains why Bush's nickname for Kerry is math.
Conan O'Brien quotes: The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts.
Conan O'Brien quotes: There's good random, and there's bad random. There's good silly and there's bad silly, and you've gotta know the difference. There's good random, and there's bad random. There's good silly and there's bad silly, and you've gotta know the difference.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer. Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.
Conan O'Brien quotes: In Montana, a math teacher is running for the Senate. Win or lose, she plans on demanding a recount because math is fun. In Montana, a math teacher is running for the Senate. Win or lose, she plans on demanding a recount because math is fun.
Conan O'Brien quotes: In the Year 2000 men will finally discover that the reason women go to the bathroom in pairs ... is to make out. In the Year 2000 men will finally discover that the reason women go to the bathroom in pairs ... is to make out.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Happy Cinco de Mayo! It's a holiday that's as respectful of Mexican traditions as Epcot Center's Mexican food pavilion. Happy Cinco de Mayo! It's a holiday that's as respectful of Mexican traditions as Epcot Center's Mexican food pavilion.
Conan O'Brien quotes: I'd kill for 'somewhat frosty.' I'd kill for 'somewhat frosty.'
Conan O'Brien quotes: North Korea threatened to launch a missile at South Korea. North Korea backed down after South Korea threatened to launch a sequel to 'Gangnam Style.' North Korea threatened to launch a missile at South Korea. North Korea backed down after South Korea threatened to launch a sequel to 'Gangnam Style.'
Conan O'Brien quotes: In an interview, Hillary Clinton said she likes nearly every flavor of ice cream. When he heard this, Chris Christie said 'Hey, she stole my speech.' In an interview, Hillary Clinton said she likes nearly every flavor of ice cream. When he heard this, Chris Christie said 'Hey, she stole my speech.'
Conan O'Brien quotes: Michele Bachmann said she wants her three daughters to learn to shoot a gun. Mostly so they can put her campaign out of its misery. Michele Bachmann said she wants her three daughters to learn to shoot a gun. Mostly so they can put her campaign out of its misery.
Conan O'Brien quotes: This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.
Conan O'Brien quotes: In the Year 2000 due to the declining number of champions in the world, Wheaties will change its slogan to 'Breakfast of Sexual Deviants. In the Year 2000 due to the declining number of champions in the world, Wheaties will change its slogan to 'Breakfast of Sexual Deviants.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Today Donald Trump reaffirmed his stance against gay marriage. Trump said marriage is between a rich guy and his much younger third wife. Today Donald Trump reaffirmed his stance against gay marriage. Trump said marriage is between a rich guy and his much younger third wife.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Over-thinking in your brain is anathema to the process of thinking on your feet. Over-thinking in your brain is anathema to the process of thinking on your feet.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Earlier today, the White House released President Bush's tax return. Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed Iraq Earlier today, the White House released President Bush's tax return. Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed Iraq
Conan O'Brien quotes: Don't be cynical; it leads nowhere. If you work hard, and are kind, amazing things will happen to you. Don't be cynical; it leads nowhere. If you work hard, and are kind, amazing things will happen to you.
Conan O'Brien quotes: It's April 15, tax day. The federal tax code is over 74,000 pages long. But stick with it because after page 72,000, it gets really good. It's April 15, tax day. The federal tax code is over 74,000 pages long. But stick with it because after page 72,000, it gets really good.
Conan O'Brien quotes: I picked out my Halloween costume. I'm going as 'Slutty Madeleine Albright.' I picked out my Halloween costume. I'm going as 'Slutty Madeleine Albright.'
Conan O'Brien quotes: California had its first medical marijuana job fair. Over 2 million people meant to show up. California had its first medical marijuana job fair. Over 2 million people meant to show up.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Despite the Brian Williams lying scandal, NBC News led in the ratings last week. Although I should note the figures were reported by Brian Williams. Despite the Brian Williams lying scandal, NBC News led in the ratings last week. Although I should note the figures were reported by Brian Williams.
Conan O'Brien quotes: A woman on a Southwest Airlines flight gave birth to a baby. As soon as he was born, the baby said, 'I had more leg room in the womb.' A woman on a Southwest Airlines flight gave birth to a baby. As soon as he was born, the baby said, 'I had more leg room in the womb.'
Conan O'Brien quotes: The U.S. Census Bureau reports that American homes are 650 square feet larger today than they were in 1980. Unfortunately, so are most Americans. The U.S. Census Bureau reports that American homes are 650 square feet larger today than they were in 1980. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
Conan O'Brien quotes: In the press this week, NBC has been calling me every name in the book. In fact, they think I'm such an idiot they now want me to run the In the press this week, NBC has been calling me every name in the book. In fact, they think I'm such an idiot they now want me to run the network.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Jeb Bush welcomed his fourth grandchild. The new Bush grandchild is happy, healthy, and will be running for president in 2048. Jeb Bush welcomed his fourth grandchild. The new Bush grandchild is happy, healthy, and will be running for president in 2048.
Conan O'Brien quotes: When all else fails, there's always delusion. When all else fails, there's always delusion.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Tomorrow is Election Day. That's the day we Americans wake up, consider our options, and then remember we didn't register to vote. Tomorrow is Election Day. That's the day we Americans wake up, consider our options, and then remember we didn't register to vote.
Conan O'Brien quotes: NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To Extradition.' NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To Extradition.'
Conan O'Brien quotes: Today, Snoop Dog endorsed Ron Paul for president. Snoop said he likes Paul's positions on everything from legalizing pot ... to legalizing pot. Today, Snoop Dog endorsed Ron Paul for president. Snoop said he likes Paul's positions on everything from legalizing pot ... to legalizing pot.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Donald Trump called George W. Bush 'the worst president in the history of the United States.' Then he added, 'Until, of course, I'm elected.' Donald Trump called George W. Bush 'the worst president in the history of the United States.' Then he added, 'Until, of course, I'm elected.'
Conan O'Brien quotes: The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?' The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?'
Conan O'Brien quotes: Trump Entertainment Resorts declared Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Or as Donald Trump describes Chapter 11, "Back-to-back number ones!" Trump Entertainment Resorts declared Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Or as Donald Trump describes Chapter 11, "Back-to-back number ones!"
Conan O'Brien quotes: Summer is a drag because even normal people become obsessed with their bodies. A bad bathing suit can humiliate you more tan anything else in life. Summer is a drag because even normal people become obsessed with their bodies. A bad bathing suit can humiliate you more tan anything else in life.
Conan O'Brien quotes: CNN's Rick Sanchez said the Jews run CNN. Ah, so that's who we blame for Rick Sanchez. CNN's Rick Sanchez said the Jews run CNN. Ah, so that's who we blame for Rick Sanchez.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, Jesus! This cup is expensive! Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, Jesus! This cup is expensive!
Conan O'Brien quotes: No charm, no humor, no wit and a personality which can only be described as 'icky.' . No charm, no humor, no wit
and a personality which can only be described as 'icky.' .
Conan O'Brien quotes: NBC executives say that if Donald Trump does run for president, they will not renew The Apprentice. So some good may come out of this. NBC executives say that if Donald Trump does run for president, they will not renew The Apprentice. So some good may come out of this.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Spread your hate. It'll last a lifetime. Spread your hate. It'll last a lifetime.
Conan O'Brien quotes: People are saying that Rick Perry is really tough because he has executed over 200 people. And that was just while he was on vacation in Florida. People are saying that Rick Perry is really tough because he has executed over 200 people. And that was just while he was on vacation in Florida.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Today Facebook went public, just as Myspace's last user went private. Today Facebook went public, just as Myspace's last user went private.
Conan O'Brien quotes: By the power invested in me by the state of New York and the Universal Life Church, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You can kiss the groom. By the power invested in me by the state of New York and the Universal Life Church, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You can kiss the groom.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Once you discover white paint, you'll never wash your underwear again. Once you discover white paint, you'll never wash your underwear again.
Conan O'Brien quotes: The Olympics have just started and the Greeks are already 14 medals in debt. The Olympics have just started and the Greeks are already 14 medals in debt.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Obama was heckled by someone who said, 'Don't forget about medical marijuana.' The Secret Service has narrowed the suspects down to everyone in L.A. Obama was heckled by someone who said, 'Don't forget about medical marijuana.' The Secret Service has narrowed the suspects down to everyone in L.A.
Conan O'Brien quotes: I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too. I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Over the weekend, Vladimir Putin scored eight goals during a hockey game. It happened just after he had the goalie executed. Over the weekend, Vladimir Putin scored eight goals during a hockey game. It happened just after he had the goalie executed.
Conan O'Brien quotes: In New York the other day, there was a pro-Martha Stewart rally. Only four people showed up ... and three of them were made out of crepe paper! In New York the other day, there was a pro-Martha Stewart rally. Only four people showed up ... and three of them were made out of crepe paper!
Conan O'Brien quotes: For the first time since 2007, the FDA Has approved a new device to treat obesity. The amazing breakthrough is called a vegetable. For the first time since 2007, the FDA Has approved a new device to treat obesity. The amazing breakthrough is called a vegetable.
Conan O'Brien quotes: My favorite comedy is comedy where nothing is achieved and there is no point. My favorite comedy is comedy where nothing is achieved and there is no point.
Conan O'Brien quotes: I'll say I'm happy doing my thing. No one says 'no comment' anymore. I'll say I'm happy doing my thing. No one says 'no comment' anymore.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Hillary Clinton is now driving from New York to Iowa. It's been called the least-exciting spring break trip in history. Hillary Clinton is now driving from New York to Iowa. It's been called the least-exciting spring break trip in history.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Keep cool my babies. Keep cool my babies.
Conan O'Brien quotes: I have an abacus at home. I have an abacus at home.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Taco Bell is going to start selling nachos and chicken nuggets wrapped in a tortilla. In other words, thank God we're going to keep Obamacare. Taco Bell is going to start selling nachos and chicken nuggets wrapped in a tortilla. In other words, thank God we're going to keep Obamacare.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Thirty-five things have to go wrong for the best thing to happen in your career Thirty-five things have to go wrong for the best thing to happen in your career
Conan O'Brien quotes: Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream. Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
Conan O'Brien quotes: 'Shrek 2' made over $120 million during its first week. In a related story, John Kerry asked Shrek to marry him. 'Shrek 2' made over $120 million during its first week. In a related story, John Kerry asked Shrek to marry him.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here's the bad news. You just wasted it listening to this joke. Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here's the bad news. You just wasted it listening to this joke.
Conan O'Brien quotes: After hearing that he has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, Putin said, 'Tell me who the other nominees are - and I will eliminate them.' After hearing that he has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, Putin said, 'Tell me who the other nominees are - and I will eliminate them.'
Conan O'Brien quotes: San Francisco is the only city in America where marijuana is legal but plastic bags are not. San Francisco is the only city in America where marijuana is legal but plastic bags are not.
Conan O'Brien quotes: People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment. People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment.
Conan O'Brien quotes: This week Apple stores are holding free computer programming classes for children. Or as that's called in China, a job fair. This week Apple stores are holding free computer programming classes for children. Or as that's called in China, a job fair.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Link Wray is the all-time legend. Link Wray is the all-time legend.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Nietzsche famously said, 'Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.' What he failed to stress is that it ALMOST kills you. Nietzsche famously said, 'Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.' What he failed to stress is that it ALMOST kills you.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Jeb Bush admitted that he smoked a notable amount of pot in school. He said, 'You would too if your parents had named you 'Jeb.' Jeb Bush admitted that he smoked a notable amount of pot in school. He said, 'You would too if your parents had named you 'Jeb.'
Conan O'Brien quotes: I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Analysts say Obama's new immigration plan will focus on deporting violent criminals. So, this could impact your fantasy football team. Analysts say Obama's new immigration plan will focus on deporting violent criminals. So, this could impact your fantasy football team.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Today in Washington, D.C., several government buildings were left without power. Of course, the White House will be without power for two more years. Today in Washington, D.C., several government buildings were left without power. Of course, the White House will be without power for two more years.
Conan O'Brien quotes: A congressman sent a tweet that compared president Obama to Adolf Hitler. He has now apologized. It's not helping that he apologized to Hitler. A congressman sent a tweet that compared president Obama to Adolf Hitler. He has now apologized. It's not helping that he apologized to Hitler.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality. Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.
Conan O'Brien quotes: President Obama filled out his March Madness bracket. You can tell Obama's mind is elsewhere because his top two picks were Israel and Iran. President Obama filled out his March Madness bracket. You can tell Obama's mind is elsewhere because his top two picks were Israel and Iran.
Conan O'Brien quotes: President Obama announced that he's going to reopen diplomatic relations with Cuba. He wants to act before Seth Rogen makes a movie about Castro. President Obama announced that he's going to reopen diplomatic relations with Cuba. He wants to act before Seth Rogen makes a movie about Castro.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Let's just agree any group of 3 or more handsome British men should be referred to as a 'cumberbatch.' Let's just agree any group of 3 or more handsome British men should be referred to as a 'cumberbatch.'
Conan O'Brien quotes: St.Patrick's Day is named for St. Patrick, the first guy to feed Guinness to a snake. St.Patrick's Day is named for St. Patrick, the first guy to feed Guinness to a snake.
Conan O'Brien quotes: If Sony's not going to show 'The Interview,' that's it. No more North Korean movies for me. If Sony's not going to show 'The Interview,' that's it. No more North Korean movies for me.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters - all of whom are late night comedians. Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters - all of whom are late night comedians.

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