Conan O'Brien Quotes

Top 100 wise famous quotes and sayings by Conan O'Brien

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Conan O'Brien quotes: There is nothing more liberating than having your worst fear realized. There is nothing more liberating than having your worst fear realized.
Conan O'Brien quotes: 'Shrek 2' made over $120 million during its first week. In a related story, John Kerry asked Shrek to marry him. 'Shrek 2' made over $120 million during its first week. In a related story, John Kerry asked Shrek to marry him.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream. Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Thirty-five things have to go wrong for the best thing to happen in your career Thirty-five things have to go wrong for the best thing to happen in your career
Conan O'Brien quotes: Taco Bell is going to start selling nachos and chicken nuggets wrapped in a tortilla. In other words, thank God we're going to keep Obamacare. Taco Bell is going to start selling nachos and chicken nuggets wrapped in a tortilla. In other words, thank God we're going to keep Obamacare.
Conan O'Brien quotes: I have an abacus at home. I have an abacus at home.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Keep cool my babies. Keep cool my babies.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Hillary Clinton is now driving from New York to Iowa. It's been called the least-exciting spring break trip in history. Hillary Clinton is now driving from New York to Iowa. It's been called the least-exciting spring break trip in history.
Conan O'Brien quotes: I'll say I'm happy doing my thing. No one says 'no comment' anymore. I'll say I'm happy doing my thing. No one says 'no comment' anymore.
Conan O'Brien quotes: People are saying that Rick Perry is really tough because he has executed over 200 people. And that was just while he was on vacation in Florida. People are saying that Rick Perry is really tough because he has executed over 200 people. And that was just while he was on vacation in Florida.
Conan O'Brien quotes: For the first time since 2007, the FDA Has approved a new device to treat obesity. The amazing breakthrough is called a vegetable. For the first time since 2007, the FDA Has approved a new device to treat obesity. The amazing breakthrough is called a vegetable.
Conan O'Brien quotes: In New York the other day, there was a pro-Martha Stewart rally. Only four people showed up ... and three of them were made out of crepe paper! In New York the other day, there was a pro-Martha Stewart rally. Only four people showed up ... and three of them were made out of crepe paper!
Conan O'Brien quotes: Over the weekend, Vladimir Putin scored eight goals during a hockey game. It happened just after he had the goalie executed. Over the weekend, Vladimir Putin scored eight goals during a hockey game. It happened just after he had the goalie executed.
Conan O'Brien quotes: I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too. I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Obama was heckled by someone who said, 'Don't forget about medical marijuana.' The Secret Service has narrowed the suspects down to everyone in L.A. Obama was heckled by someone who said, 'Don't forget about medical marijuana.' The Secret Service has narrowed the suspects down to everyone in L.A.
Conan O'Brien quotes: The Olympics have just started and the Greeks are already 14 medals in debt. The Olympics have just started and the Greeks are already 14 medals in debt.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Once you discover white paint, you'll never wash your underwear again. Once you discover white paint, you'll never wash your underwear again.
Conan O'Brien quotes: By the power invested in me by the state of New York and the Universal Life Church, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You can kiss the groom. By the power invested in me by the state of New York and the Universal Life Church, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You can kiss the groom.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Today Facebook went public, just as Myspace's last user went private. Today Facebook went public, just as Myspace's last user went private.
Conan O'Brien quotes: My favorite comedy is comedy where nothing is achieved and there is no point. My favorite comedy is comedy where nothing is achieved and there is no point.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters - all of whom are late night comedians. Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters - all of whom are late night comedians.
Conan O'Brien quotes: If Sony's not going to show 'The Interview,' that's it. No more North Korean movies for me. If Sony's not going to show 'The Interview,' that's it. No more North Korean movies for me.
Conan O'Brien quotes: St.Patrick's Day is named for St. Patrick, the first guy to feed Guinness to a snake. St.Patrick's Day is named for St. Patrick, the first guy to feed Guinness to a snake.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Let's just agree any group of 3 or more handsome British men should be referred to as a 'cumberbatch.' Let's just agree any group of 3 or more handsome British men should be referred to as a 'cumberbatch.'
Conan O'Brien quotes: President Obama announced that he's going to reopen diplomatic relations with Cuba. He wants to act before Seth Rogen makes a movie about Castro. President Obama announced that he's going to reopen diplomatic relations with Cuba. He wants to act before Seth Rogen makes a movie about Castro.
Conan O'Brien quotes: President Obama filled out his March Madness bracket. You can tell Obama's mind is elsewhere because his top two picks were Israel and Iran. President Obama filled out his March Madness bracket. You can tell Obama's mind is elsewhere because his top two picks were Israel and Iran.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality. Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.
Conan O'Brien quotes: A congressman sent a tweet that compared president Obama to Adolf Hitler. He has now apologized. It's not helping that he apologized to Hitler. A congressman sent a tweet that compared president Obama to Adolf Hitler. He has now apologized. It's not helping that he apologized to Hitler.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here's the bad news. You just wasted it listening to this joke. Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here's the bad news. You just wasted it listening to this joke.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Analysts say Obama's new immigration plan will focus on deporting violent criminals. So, this could impact your fantasy football team. Analysts say Obama's new immigration plan will focus on deporting violent criminals. So, this could impact your fantasy football team.
Conan O'Brien quotes: I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Jeb Bush admitted that he smoked a notable amount of pot in school. He said, 'You would too if your parents had named you 'Jeb.' Jeb Bush admitted that he smoked a notable amount of pot in school. He said, 'You would too if your parents had named you 'Jeb.'
Conan O'Brien quotes: Donald Trump called George W. Bush 'the worst president in the history of the United States.' Then he added, 'Until, of course, I'm elected.' Donald Trump called George W. Bush 'the worst president in the history of the United States.' Then he added, 'Until, of course, I'm elected.'
Conan O'Brien quotes: Nietzsche famously said, 'Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.' What he failed to stress is that it ALMOST kills you. Nietzsche famously said, 'Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.' What he failed to stress is that it ALMOST kills you.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Link Wray is the all-time legend. Link Wray is the all-time legend.
Conan O'Brien quotes: This week Apple stores are holding free computer programming classes for children. Or as that's called in China, a job fair. This week Apple stores are holding free computer programming classes for children. Or as that's called in China, a job fair.
Conan O'Brien quotes: People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment. People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment.
Conan O'Brien quotes: San Francisco is the only city in America where marijuana is legal but plastic bags are not. San Francisco is the only city in America where marijuana is legal but plastic bags are not.
Conan O'Brien quotes: After hearing that he has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, Putin said, 'Tell me who the other nominees are - and I will eliminate them.' After hearing that he has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, Putin said, 'Tell me who the other nominees are - and I will eliminate them.'
Conan O'Brien quotes: Today in Washington, D.C., several government buildings were left without power. Of course, the White House will be without power for two more years. Today in Washington, D.C., several government buildings were left without power. Of course, the White House will be without power for two more years.
Conan O'Brien quotes: The U.S. Census Bureau reports that American homes are 650 square feet larger today than they were in 1980. Unfortunately, so are most Americans. The U.S. Census Bureau reports that American homes are 650 square feet larger today than they were in 1980. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Despite the Brian Williams lying scandal, NBC News led in the ratings last week. Although I should note the figures were reported by Brian Williams. Despite the Brian Williams lying scandal, NBC News led in the ratings last week. Although I should note the figures were reported by Brian Williams.
Conan O'Brien quotes: California had its first medical marijuana job fair. Over 2 million people meant to show up. California had its first medical marijuana job fair. Over 2 million people meant to show up.
Conan O'Brien quotes: A woman on a Southwest Airlines flight gave birth to a baby. As soon as he was born, the baby said, 'I had more leg room in the womb.' A woman on a Southwest Airlines flight gave birth to a baby. As soon as he was born, the baby said, 'I had more leg room in the womb.'
Conan O'Brien quotes: Jeb Bush welcomed his fourth grandchild. The new Bush grandchild is happy, healthy, and will be running for president in 2048. Jeb Bush welcomed his fourth grandchild. The new Bush grandchild is happy, healthy, and will be running for president in 2048.
Conan O'Brien quotes: When all else fails, there's always delusion. When all else fails, there's always delusion.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Tomorrow is Election Day. That's the day we Americans wake up, consider our options, and then remember we didn't register to vote. Tomorrow is Election Day. That's the day we Americans wake up, consider our options, and then remember we didn't register to vote.
Conan O'Brien quotes: NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To Extradition.' NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To Extradition.'
Conan O'Brien quotes: Today, Snoop Dog endorsed Ron Paul for president. Snoop said he likes Paul's positions on everything from legalizing pot ... to legalizing pot. Today, Snoop Dog endorsed Ron Paul for president. Snoop said he likes Paul's positions on everything from legalizing pot ... to legalizing pot.
Conan O'Brien quotes: In the press this week, NBC has been calling me every name in the book. In fact, they think I'm such an idiot they now want me to run the In the press this week, NBC has been calling me every name in the book. In fact, they think I'm such an idiot they now want me to run the network.
Conan O'Brien quotes: The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?' The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?'
Conan O'Brien quotes: Trump Entertainment Resorts declared Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Or as Donald Trump describes Chapter 11, "Back-to-back number ones!" Trump Entertainment Resorts declared Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Or as Donald Trump describes Chapter 11, "Back-to-back number ones!"
Conan O'Brien quotes: Summer is a drag because even normal people become obsessed with their bodies. A bad bathing suit can humiliate you more tan anything else in life. Summer is a drag because even normal people become obsessed with their bodies. A bad bathing suit can humiliate you more tan anything else in life.
Conan O'Brien quotes: CNN's Rick Sanchez said the Jews run CNN. Ah, so that's who we blame for Rick Sanchez. CNN's Rick Sanchez said the Jews run CNN. Ah, so that's who we blame for Rick Sanchez.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, Jesus! This cup is expensive! Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, Jesus! This cup is expensive!
Conan O'Brien quotes: No charm, no humor, no wit and a personality which can only be described as 'icky.' . No charm, no humor, no wit
and a personality which can only be described as 'icky.' .
Conan O'Brien quotes: NBC executives say that if Donald Trump does run for president, they will not renew The Apprentice. So some good may come out of this. NBC executives say that if Donald Trump does run for president, they will not renew The Apprentice. So some good may come out of this.
Conan O'Brien quotes: Spread your hate. It'll last a lifetime. Spread your hate. It'll last a lifetime.