Bill Hicks quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Bill Hicks

Bill Hicks Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Bill Hicks on Wise Famous Quotes.

I'm sorry if any of you are catholic. I'm not sorry if you're offended, I'm actually just sorry by the fact that you're catholic

A lotta Christians wear crosses 'round their necks; do you think if Jesus comes back he ever wants to see another cross?

I am a misanthropic humanist ... Do I like people? They're great, IN THEORY.

I am available for children's parties, by the way ...

Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.

Humanity is just a virus with shoes.

Are gun rights advocates arguing that roving gangs ... shooting innocent bystanders constitutes a 'well-regulated militia'?

Nonsmokers
this is for you and you only. Ready? Nonsmokers die every day. Sleep tight.

A Christian will say ... "I believe God created me in one day" Yeah, looks liked He rushed it.

All governments are lying cocksuckers.

I was just down in Dallas, Texas ... the Assassination Museum ... it's really accurate, you know, 'cause Oswald's not in it.

BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You're not a human being until you're in my phone book.

I'll tell you how to solve this abortion thing ... Those unwanted babies ... ? Leave about 12 of them on the Supreme Court steps.

We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.

You all saw him - he had a gun.

Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.

I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.

I believe everyone has this fuckin' poem in his heart.

Sixteen years I've pounded my head against the mentality of America, which ... I'd say it's about an 8th grade emotional level.

Love rather than fear ... this radical philosophy is coming from me, an avowed misanthrope ... surely there is hope for us all.

This is the idea that has made me ... an anonymous figure in America ... If you have children here tonight ... they are NOT special.

Music is a great energizer. It's a language everybody knows.

Marijuana grows naturally ... Don't you think making nature against the law seems a bit, I don't know, unnatural?

I love talking about Kennedy assassination ... a great archetypal example of how totalitarian government ... sorry, wrong meeting.

In Australia ... they celebrate Easter the same ... by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit ... left chocolate eggs in the night

Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your fags.

Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day.

I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night.

I go to dance clubs ... about once a year just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going 'God, what idiots!'

Billy Ray Cyrus does not smoke. Michael Bolton doesn't ... Paula Abdul doesn't ... there does seem to be a pattern.

Sometimes you feel in control, and it's great, but sometimes you just don't feel in control and you really have to struggle to get laughs.

All drugs should be legal. War is wrong. The rich get richer. The poor get poorer. Thank you. I'll be here all week.

I'll smoke, I'll cough, I'll get the tumors, I'll die, deal? Thank you America. [salutes]

I've said all that I've had to say.

Freebird, the mantra of the moron.

I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift.

No one can give you any answers. There aren't any. You have to discover for yourself-you must learn to navigate the mystery.

We are one with God and He loves us. Now if that isn't a hazard to this country-How're we gonna keep building nuclear weapons?

People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself.

Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass.

It is, and has been, and will forever be, this world of ours, a fucking joke.

The world's like a ride in a fairground & when you choose to go on it you think it's real, that's how powerful our minds are

I'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.

I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.

God has this ... hobby. He creates perfection. This world is not perfect. We have to learn to separate illusions from reality.

It's not a war on drugs, it's a war on personal freedom.

The idea of getting a, you know, syringe full of heroin and shooting it in the vein under my cock right now seems like almost a productive act.

Man, the Beatles were so high, they let Ringo sing a coupla tunes. Tell me they weren't partyin'.

I've had good times on drugs ... bad times on drugs ... But I've had good and bad relationships ... and I'm not giving up pussy.

It's all about money, not freedom. You think you're free? Try going somewhere without money.

Okay, I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready?

All your beliefs, they're just that. They're nothing. They're how you were taught and raised. That doesn't make 'em real.

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.

What strikes me as funny about Elvis is that all the impersonators choose to do the Vegas Elvis, not the young, cool guy ...

Oh my God. Lift me up out of this illusion, Lord. Heal my perception that I might know only reality and only you.

Truly, the only stupid people I've ever met, the most absolutely clueless, are the very people that produce television.

I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.

I used to love to call L.A. when I lived in New York ... Is that the Big One I hear in the background? Bye you lizard scum! Bye!

It's an insane world, and I'm proud to be a part of it.

You're not a human till you're in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring.

Let's do some comedy. I always like to add some comedy to my show. Those who've seen me before might know that.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt.
Then it's just hilarious.

We are losing the 'War on Drugs,' which means there's a war going on and people on drugs are winning it.

Ever noticed that people who believe in Creationism look really unevolved?

If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.

The eyes of love see all of us as one.

I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative. I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.

The puppet on the right shares my beliefs, the puppet on the left is more to my liking. Hey ... there's one guy holding up both!

I can't watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.

Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts ... Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me.

It has become more and more obvious that there is one political party in America, and that is The Business Party.

You think when Jesus comes back, he really wants to see a cross? That's like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on.

The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions

Will there be titty? Sure. Boom! I'm a producer. Where you been all our life, boy? We been lookin for you in Hollywood.

When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.

It's my object to be stared at like a dog that's just been shown a card trick.

I don't care if you're obscene, filthy, horrendous
as long as you're honest.

The American dream is a crock. Stop wanting everything. Everyone should wear jeans and have three T-shirts, eat rice and beans.

We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.

I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now.

That's what I'm gonna do: quit gradually ... I'm gonna lose one lung; little while later I'm gonna lose the other one.

What does an atheist scream when they come?

Is it my business if somebody wants to burn a flag? ... No, it's not ... That's called logic and it'll help us all evolve ...

They believe the bible is the exact word of God - Then they change the bible! Pretty presumptuous, hu huh? "I think what God meant to say ... "

There is a 3rd point of view on the gun control issue
those who I refer to as THE VICTIMS
but they remain strangely silent ...

Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that's why you giggle the first hour.

Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.

I want my rockstars dead.

I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution.

I, like all artists in Western cultures, am a shaman ... come in the guise of a comic ... to heal perception by using ... 'jokes' ...

Rock stars hawking Diet Cokes
are demons set loose on the Earth to lower the standards for the perfect & holy children of God!

Eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions god's infinite love.

If you are living for tomorrow, you will always be one day behind.

I believe we all have the Voice of Reason inside us ... to gently lead us out of our own self-created hells ...

I'd ... bet enthusiasm for 'ethnic cleansing' will wane if only sticks and rocks are available for the warring parties.

Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here's Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid.

Rock stars against drugs
that's what we want, isn't it? Government-approved rock-n-roll? Woo! We're partying now!

By the way, if anyone here is in advertising or marketing, kill yourself.

Writing, acting, music, comedy. A deep love of literature and books. Thank God for all the artists who've helped me.

'Where's Bill going?' He's going to comedy death. Boom! He pops out of it with another joke. It's my particular style.