Leno Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Leno

Leno Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Leno quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: BP CEO Tony Hayward said he would just

BP CEO Tony Hayward said he would just like to get his life back. He wants to get his life back. You know, I say give him life plus 20. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Nissan is designing a car that will read

Nissan is designing a car that will read the driver's mind. I already know what I'm going to do. I want a car that will read the other guy's mind. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Remember when we used to worry about some

Remember when we used to worry about some weirdo having a razor blade inside an apple on Halloween? Not anymore. Like a kid today would eat an apple. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: If you restore a car, and you're making

If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: For the first time in history, sex is

For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: You cannot be mad at somebody who makes

You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh ... it's as simple as that. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Folks, tomorrow America will get to hear those

Folks, tomorrow America will get to hear those four words we've been waiting for: "Former president George Bush". — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Racecar driving is a lot like sex; all

Racecar driving is a lot like sex; all men think they're good at it. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Forty million Americans smoked marijuana; the only ones

Forty million Americans smoked marijuana; the only ones who didn't like it were Judge Ginsberg, Clarence Thomas and Bill Clinton. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: President Bush has urged people to get back

President Bush has urged people to get back to normal and today Congress announced that they are accepting bribes again. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: You know what you call the two winners

You know what you call the two winners of that $580 million PowerBall lottery? ... Former Democrats — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: To give you an idea how bad the

To give you an idea how bad the American economy is, Mexico is now calling for a fence along the border. Stay on your side! — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: So China's president [Hu Jintao] meets, uh meets

So China's president [Hu Jintao] meets, uh meets America's president. It's like President "Who?" meeting President "Huh?". — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: What's the difference between Lindsay Lohan and Rick

What's the difference between Lindsay Lohan and Rick Perry? It only takes Lindsay four and a half hours to finish a sentence. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: I've lost some weight. I am on that

I've lost some weight. I am on that new Obama diet. Every day I let Vladimir Putin eat my lunch. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Mavis Leno: Tenacity isn't just the most important thing, it's

Tenacity isn't just the most important thing, it's the only thing. — Mavis Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: President Bush spoke with the Amish. He didn't

President Bush spoke with the Amish. He didn't want to, but it was the only group he could find that wasn't upset about the high price of gas. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: This problem with illegal immigration is nothing new.

This problem with illegal immigration is nothing new. In fact, the Indians had a special name for it. They called it "white people." — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Big scandal on the new 'Survivor' series. The

Big scandal on the new 'Survivor' series. The white, the black and the Hispanic teams were caught cheating off the Asian team. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Here's an interesting figure: 43 percent of the

Here's an interesting figure: 43 percent of the incoming congressional freshmen are millionaires. The other 57 percent are Democrats. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: All I ask is that you tip your

All I ask is that you tip your waiters and waitresses. We have to turn this situation around. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: There was another war-related casualty today. The French

There was another war-related casualty today. The French were injured when they tried to jump on our bandwagon. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: If you give everybody a slice of pie,

If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will still have more than enough. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That's scary.

Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That's scary. If the smartest guy in the world can't figure out women, we're screwed. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: The good news is, the stock market is

The good news is, the stock market is closed and it can't hurt us again until tomorrow. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Researchers in England say tall men are more

Researchers in England say tall men are more likely to have more children than short men. Here in America we call that the NBA theory. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: President Bush said global warming is happening much

President Bush said global warming is happening much quicker than he thought, and then his staff pulled him aside and said 'It's just springtime.' — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: The Bush administration said today there is a

The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Do you realize that the Bush administration has

Do you realize that the Bush administration has now produced more gay marriages than jobs? — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: I feel bad for people who die on

I feel bad for people who die on Valentine's Day. How much would flowers cost then, ten grand? — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: The United States is sending its most powerful

The United States is sending its most powerful drone to Libya. That's a long trip for Joe Biden. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: One thing about mildly dyslexic people - they're

One thing about mildly dyslexic people - they're good at setting everything else aside to pursue one goal. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: I don't like goodbyes, NBC does.

I don't like goodbyes, NBC does. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: I had a dog that was so lazy,

I had a dog that was so lazy, he had a prerecorded bark. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: "I am not just another notch on your

"I am not just another notch on your belt?" she asked him. "Of course not." he said as he put a mark on the chalkboard. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: How many have seen that Osama bin Laden

How many have seen that Osama bin Laden footage? Pretty scary. In fact, today, NBC ordered 13 more episodes. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: George W. Bush loves golf because it's like

George W. Bush loves golf because it's like the election
low score wins. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: The best way to ruin a comedy is

The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Rick Santorum is so conservative; he thinks KY

Rick Santorum is so conservative; he thinks KY Jelly is jam made in Kentucky. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: While President Bush was out of town Hillary

While President Bush was out of town Hillary Clinton stopped by the White House on Friday for an important meeting with her decorator. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Rick Perry has made so many gaffes lately,

Rick Perry has made so many gaffes lately, it is hard to tell if he's running against President Obama or Joe Biden. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By David Spade: When I'm interviewed on Leno, just be funny,

When I'm interviewed on Leno, just be funny, period. That's all they want from me. I don't want to tell my life story. — David Spade

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: President Bush has unveiled his first campaign commercial,

President Bush has unveiled his first campaign commercial, highlighting all of his accomplishes in office. That's why it's a 60-second spot. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: When Rick Perry was told about Kim Jong

When Rick Perry was told about Kim Jong Il, he said, 'I never heard of him, but then again, I don't listen to that rap.' — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jimmy Kimmel: On Letterman and Leno, it always bothers me

On Letterman and Leno, it always bothers me when they go outside the studio and it's daytime. — Jimmy Kimmel

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: We live in what's called an open society,

We live in what's called an open society, which of course means they open our emails, open our phone records, and open our medical records. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: It looks like President Obama has a new

It looks like President Obama has a new campaign slogan: 'Yes I Did.' — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: I was in the ROTC. Of course, ROTC

I was in the ROTC. Of course, ROTC stood for 'Running off to Canada.' — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: 50% of Americas population spends less than 10

50% of Americas population spends less than 10 dollars a month on romance. You know what we call these people? Men! — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: They say hot dogs can kill you. How

They say hot dogs can kill you. How do you know it's not the bun? — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: My dad's idea of a good time is

My dad's idea of a good time is to go to Sears and walk around. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Financial experts are saying we are entering a

Financial experts are saying we are entering a new chapter in the American economy. I believe it's Chapter 11. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Statistics show 50% of the people use the

Statistics show 50% of the people use the internet. The rest have sex with real people. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Two Americans have been awarded the Nobel Prize

Two Americans have been awarded the Nobel Prize for Economics. They are the first to figure out all the charges on their telephone bill. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Soup is probably a way associated with screwing

Soup is probably a way associated with screwing you outside of a meal. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: If Jay spent as much time studying as

If Jay spent as much time studying as he does trying to be a comedian, he'd be a big star. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Arnold said this is a last minute attack

Arnold said this is a last minute attack by Democrats. How did Arnold know to grope only Democrats? — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: President Obama told the Irish people that America

President Obama told the Irish people that America will always stand by them, to which Israel laughed. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: It's always bad news when you kill your

It's always bad news when you kill your date — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Nike actually has a pair of shoes called

Nike actually has a pair of shoes called Air-Turbulence. Try getting past airline security wearing those. Might as well call them Air-Osama. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Conan O'Brien: I just want to say to the kids

I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too. — Conan O'Brien

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: There is a video out now on how

There is a video out now on how to please men. Here's tip number 1: Just show up! — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: The NFL draft is going to be this

The NFL draft is going to be this Thursday. That's a huge night for college players. That's the night they start being paid over the table. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Did you hear that we're writing Iraq's new

Did you hear that we're writing Iraq's new Constitution?
Why not just give them ours? We're not using it anymore. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: The crime problem in New York is getting

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Good news. President Bush is creating thousands of

Good news. President Bush is creating thousands of new jobs. Unfortunately, all of them are at the White House. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Last night I went out for Chinese. I

Last night I went out for Chinese. I picked up a Team USA Olympic uniform. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: The New England Journal of Medicine reports that

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Casey Anthony was found not guilty. This means

Casey Anthony was found not guilty. This means that President Obama's economic team is only the second-most clueless group in America. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: President Bush was in Los Angeles yesterday where

President Bush was in Los Angeles yesterday where he announced his new campaign theme - "Safer, Stronger, and Tested." Isn't that a condom ad? — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: The leaders of the Taliban said today that

The leaders of the Taliban said today that killing bin Laden won't solve the problem. But, you know, it couldn't hurt. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Your preoccupation should be on doing what you

Your preoccupation should be on doing what you do as well as you can. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Saddam Hussein has raised the amount going to

Saddam Hussein has raised the amount going to suicide bombers from $10 thousand dollars to $25 thousand. What's next, a health care plan? — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: 65% of people say that cheating on your

65% of people say that cheating on your income tax is worse than cheating on your spouse. The other 35% were women. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: I think there's one more thing Perry can

I think there's one more thing Perry can forget, too: Being president. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: According to a new poll, 50 percent of

According to a new poll, 50 percent of Americans think the country is divided. The other 50 percent think it isn't. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Today Arnold Schwarzenegger made another major announcement. He

Today Arnold Schwarzenegger made another major announcement. He said his lieutenant governor will be Xena, Warrior Princess. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: President Bush called Arnold to congratulate him today,

President Bush called Arnold to congratulate him today, and after he got off the phone, Arnold said, 'I thought my English was bad.' — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: I didn't realize it was October until I

I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said,

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?' — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: The key to a long and healthy marriage

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Ex-convicts prepared the eggs for the White House's

Ex-convicts prepared the eggs for the White House's Easter Egg Roll. It's nice to see the White House reaching out to former members of Congress. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: As we head to war with Iraq, President

As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil. It's about gasoline. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Experts say that if we go to war

Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as $80 a barrel. Of course, after the war it will be free. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: According to the Mayans, the world is supposed

According to the Mayans, the world is supposed to end in the year 2012. Are you buying that? When's the last time you even ran into a Mayan? — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: When President Chirac gave [President] Bush a souvenir

When President Chirac gave [President] Bush a souvenir statue of the Eiffel Tower ... Bush said 'This is great! A little oil rig!' — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Michael Jackson has a new baby boy; no

Michael Jackson has a new baby boy; no word yet who the father is. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Rick Perry unveiled his new tax plan. He

Rick Perry unveiled his new tax plan. He says he wants a flat tax. He believes that tax should be flat, just like the earth. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Ambition beats genius 99% of the time

Ambition beats genius 99% of the time — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: CNN said that after the war, there is

CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts: regular, premium and unleaded. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Playboy magazine is now doing a 'Women of

Playboy magazine is now doing a 'Women of Enron' pictorial spread ... Apparently the only thing these women have left to shred is their dignity. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Courtney Love said she once escorted Kerry to

Courtney Love said she once escorted Kerry to a concert. John Kerry once went out with Courtney Love and he's questioning Bush's judgment. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Happiness is a privilege

Happiness is a privilege — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: A survey asked married women when they most

A survey asked married women when they most want to have sex. 84 per cent of them said right after their husband is finished. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Mavis Leno: Finding love is a two-part process. The first

Finding love is a two-part process. The first part is to find the right person. The second part is to be the right person. — Mavis Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: I was born the day I got my

I was born the day I got my license. When I was a kid, if I wanted to go somewhere and see things, you have to get in your car and actually go. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Did you hear about the dog that was

Did you hear about the dog that was so high-strung, he developed a nervous tick? — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: It's just a matter of time before we

It's just a matter of time before we go into Iraq and get Saddam Hussein. I think just before Bush falls below 50 percent, that's when we'll be going. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: President Obama's approval ratings are so low now,

President Obama's approval ratings are so low now, Kenyans are accusing him of being born in the United States. — Jay Leno

Leno Quotes By Jay Leno: Really? Anyone intimidated by Barack Obama? He can't

Really? Anyone intimidated by Barack Obama? He can't even keep Joe Biden in line. — Jay Leno