
What is absurd is not the teachings of the founders of religion, it's what followers subsequently make of it. —
John Cleese

It's only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve. —
John Cleese

We don't know where we get our ideas from. What we do know is that we do not get them from our laptops. —
John Cleese

If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking 'Do you want fries with that?' —
John Cleese

I was a terrible dancer. I dance like an Englishman. —
John Cleese

Sense of humor is so much more subjective than anyone believes. —
John Cleese

I used to desire many, many things, but now I have just one desire, and that's to get rid of all my other desires. —
John Cleese

A wonderful thing about true laughter is that it just destroys any kind of system of dividing people. —
John Cleese

I don't miss London much. I find it crowded, vast and difficult to get around. Cabs are incredibly expensive. —
John Cleese

Come to me. I want to plow you like a Calgary driveway at Christmas. —
John Cleese

A man will give up almost anything except his suffering. —
John Cleese

My hovercraft is full of eels. —
John Cleese

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat? —
John Cleese

So . . . suddenly there were no tapes of The 1948 Show. It was no more. It was an ex-series. —
John Cleese

I can never do better than Fawlty Towers whatever I do. Now I very much want to teach young talent some rules of the game. —
John Cleese

In Britain, girls seem to be either bright or attractive. In America, that's not the case. They're both. —
John Cleese

The World is insane. With tiny spots of sanity, here and there ... Not the other way around! —
John Cleese

I think it takes a long time, as you get older, to realize just how crazy the world is, just how ridiculous it all is. —
John Cleese

If you are leaping a ravine, the moment of takeoff is a bad time to be considering alternative strategies. —
John Cleese

It's not the despair, Laura. I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand. ~ Brian Stimpson, Clockwise
—
John Cleese

Once we've made a decision, we are efficient only if we go through with it decisively, undistracted by doubts about its correctness. —
John Cleese

One minute, I was saying, "Hello, Mr. Bunny!" and smiling at its sweet little face and funny floppy ears. The next, the fucker savaged me. —
John Cleese

Whose fault is it, then? Dennis Compton's (Basil Fawlty) —
John Cleese

The Americans are just more enthusiastic and more likely to engage in hyperbole. —
John Cleese

It was not fair and therefore unworthy of my respect. It was as simple as that. —
John Cleese

I have a tendency sometimes to get too logical with what I'm writing, just because I want it to be kind of perfect. —
John Cleese

If you want creative workers, give them enough time to play —
John Cleese

Yes, I know it's easy to make fun of the organised churches, but has it occurred to anyone to wonder why it's so easy? —
John Cleese

I think we're all born with a sense of humor. Creativity is another thing though. —
John Cleese

Don't let anyone tell you what you ought to like ... Some wines that some experts think are absolutely exquisite don't appeal to me at all. —
John Cleese

John Cleese ... he cannot sing and keeps a locked piano in his room to prove it. —
John Cleese

I think that money spoils most things, once it becomes the primary motivating force. —
John Cleese

Creativity is not a talent. It is a way of operating. —
John Cleese

You have to create boundaries of space and then you have to create boundaries of time. —
John Cleese

The Americans all love 'The Holy Grail', and the English all love 'Life Of Brian', and I'm afraid on this one, I side with the English. —
John Cleese

Laughter destroys any divisions between people. —
John Cleese

Comedy always works best when it is mean-spirited. —
John Cleese

Cats are very intelligent at all the things that cats need to be intelligent about. —
John Cleese

There's something about watching an animal that puts you in contact with where we came from and what we're still a part of. —
John Cleese

It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor —
John Cleese

Students who laugh more- learn more. Students who laugh more earn more. —
John Cleese

While you're being creative, nothing is wrong. There's no such thing as a mistake, and any drivel may lead to the breakthrough. —
John Cleese

When we hold a World Championship for a particular sport, we invite teams from other countries to play as well. —
John Cleese

The most creative people have this childlike facility to play. —
John Cleese

Most of the bad taste I've been accused of has been generic bad taste; it's been making fun of an idea as opposed to a person. —
John Cleese

Filming is like a long air journey: there's so much hanging around and boredom that they keep giving you food. —
John Cleese

Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of us dies —
John Cleese

John Cleese once told me he'd do anything for money. So I offered him a pound to shut up, and he took it. —
Eric Idle

Give your mind as long as possible to come up with something original. —
John Cleese

How to defend yourself against a banana —
John Cleese

I want to write a book which is the history of comedy. —
John Cleese

To be creative you must create a space for yourself where you can be undisturbed ... separate from everyday concerns. —
John Cleese

I think the problem with people like this is that they are so stupid that they have no idea how stupid they are. —
John Cleese

The English contribution to world cuisine - the chip. —
John Cleese

The French have so many civil wars, they can win one now and again. —
John Cleese

Manuel will show you to your rooms - if you're lucky. —
John Cleese

I love having different cultures around, but when the parent culture kind of dissipates, you're left thinking, 'Well, what's going on?' —
John Cleese

Tension is wonderful for making people laugh. —
John Cleese

Creativity is not a talent; it's a way of operating. —
John Cleese

Life is a terminal disease, and it is sexually transmitted. —
John Cleese

What I've always wanted to do is be as funny as possible. —
John Cleese

The sad thing about true stupidity is that you can do absolutely nothing about it. —
John Cleese

Too many people confuse being serious with being solemn. —
John Cleese