Hate Funny Quotes

The thing I hate most about skeletons is you can never tell when they're smiling. — Stephen Blackmoore

I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids. — Jim Norton

I tended to hate people that hit me in the head without warning. — Amanda Hocking

It's funny, 99% of the time, haters and the 1 they hate on have everything in common and could be best friends. — Behdad Sami

I really hate it when people want to kill me. It makes me think they don't want to be friends. - Raven from Blood of Prey — R.J. Dennis

I hate that there's never anyting good on TV on Saturday afternoons. It's like even the networks are trying to get you off your ass and have a life. — Julie Murphy

It's funny how everyone hates witch hunts ... until they see a witch. — Jon Stewart

Don't try and make me feel better, Alex. I hate you."
"I hate you, too. — Simone Elkeles

That old question about whether, as a woman, you can be funny and attractive at the same time. Argh! I hate that question. Of course you can. — Emma Stone

I hate that stuff. It tastes like feet."
At that he smiled. "How would you know what feet taste like?"
"I just know. — Cassandra Clare

You hate birthdays yet pee your pants over presents. There is clearly something wrong with you, Garrett joked. — Tara Sivec

Giggler, I think I hate you most of all. — Alice Clayton

Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them. — Denis Leary

I must have killed a lot of cows in a past life for Karma to hate me this much. — Katie McGarry

No guy in the history of America has ordered a Smirnoff Ice at a bar without hating himself a little. — Jay Black

To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error. — Janet Coleman

It find it funny how people from Boston and New York hate each other because of pro teams. — Julian Casablancas

I had pecs for about two days. Everyone would hate me. Just look at me walking around with my little peacoat on. My little customized pea coat. — Robert Pattinson

I hate stand-up comics; I think funny is something you are, not something you desperately try to be in front of a roomful of obnoxious people. — Peter Cameron

Nothing frustrates people more than a cocky guy who's still winning. — Criss Jami

They said I was a valued customer, now they send me hate mail. — Sophie Kinsella

I hate to say it but I hate black humor. I feel like a Klan member saying it, but it's just not funny. — Issa Rae

At this point I'm sure he's more plastic than person, but most people who hate wrinkles become Daleks over time, anyway. — Ashley Poston

I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they'd let me join the Ku Klux Klan! — Chris Rock

They really hate you, yes they do. They hate everyone, how 'bout you? — Kami Garcia

I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed.' — Demetri Martin

I hate people who cry around me. I'm not friends with them anymore. Especially girls. Cuz girls are crying all the time. It's like, 'Shut up.' — Robert Pattinson

Why does the world hate me? They both laughed, but it wasn't funny. SERIOUSLY. Why does the world hate me? — Cora Carmack

Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other." — Rita Rudner

I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, "Do you guys hate me?" — Mike Birbiglia

Hate is funny. Love isn't. Love can kill you. Hate can keep you alive. — Carol Grace

Don't you just hate a phony-looking stiff? - Aunt Edna — Janet Evanovich

Even hating myself I still think I'm better than you. — Stephen Schneider

There's not enough psychedelic stuff on TV. I want the world to be a bit weirder than it is. I hate reality, so I hate reality TV. But I love Columbo. — Noel Fielding

It's a funny thing, hope. It's not like love, or fear, or hate. It's a feeling you don't really know you had until it's gone. — Anna Quindlen

I decided I would rather have a day job and love music than to play music that made me hate it. — David Torn

I hate arrows. They try to tell me which direction to go. It's like "I ain't going that way, line with two thirds of a triangle on the end!" — Mitch Hedberg

I hate when I break my own rules. What's the point of me being rational if I flail around like a clown? — Jesse Ball

The idea that you can't be attractive and funny at the same time is something that I hate. — Emma Stone

I hate trying to analyze comedy in some deep way. If it gets laughs, it's funny. — Rachel Dratch

That's what I hate about a lot of comedies, when you're hitting a line or making it funny. — Jennifer Aniston

Don't you just hate it, when you are in bed with three beautiful women, and the least attractive one whispers: save it for me! — Jim Carrey

It's a funny place, this world. Hate has rights. Love has none. — Torey L. Hayden

I hate when someone keep on asking me to guess even after I failed to crack twice! — Nelson Jack

It is funny how the things we hate are the things we miss most when they are gone — Erin Bowman

I hate it in friends when they come too late to help. — Euripides

I hate witches. Humans had the right idea, burning them at the stake. — Charlaine Harris

Better a loving single-parent family than a 'conventional' family where the parents hate each other and the father is a demagogue. — Moby

Life sometimes confuses us by making us discover in someone we hate a quality or qualities we love. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now." — Rodney Dangerfield

I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over. — Milton Jones

These walls are funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them. That's institutionalized. — Morgan Freeman

Have you ever noticed how good things go to those who hate? — Sol Luckman

I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth. They didn't have to make separations for me. — Mitch Hedberg

For the record, I hate skiing ... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD. — Jim Norton

I hate you' she said to me one afternoon. 'I really, really hate you.' Call me sensitive, but I couldn't help but take it personally. — David Sedaris

All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwartzkopf. — John Wayne

I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist — Gena Showalter