Funny Friends Quotes

I'll pray for good semen. And I'll get all of my friends to pray for good semen. — Buffy Andrews

The best time to make friends is
before you need them. — Ethel Barrymore

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.' — Adam Ferrara

It's funny, 99% of the time, haters and the 1 they hate on have everything in common and could be best friends. — Behdad Sami

. . . and together you're what, the Super Friends? — Mark Jeffrey

I really hate it when people want to kill me. It makes me think they don't want to be friends. - Raven from Blood of Prey — R.J. Dennis

Zane sighed. Jovan and Mother were just the same. "Maybe later" meant no. — C.J. Milbrandt

The funny thing is, all my friends are short. I wasn't aware of tall people till I got to high school. I didn't know they existed. I was sheltered. — Kevin Hart

I'm friends with a guy who is friends with a former Playboy model. So I guess you could say I'm 1 degree away from 212 degrees. — Ryan Lilly

What do you say when your friends come to visit and the dog starts humping their leg. Well, if it's a pit bull, you say, "You better let him finish." — Robert Schimmel

There are a good many fools who call me a friend, and also a good many friends who call me a fool. — Gilbert K. Chesterton

We weren't really friends yet, just knowers of each other's secret stuff. — M. Beth Bloom

Well, you know that old saying, "Keep your friends close and make out with your enemies. — Shae Ross

I've written for the waste basket so often that we've become friends. He writes too, but it's mostly garbage. — Ryan Lilly

I've always liked being funny and making people laugh. I was a cut-up when I was a kid, and was always doing bits for my friends and family. — Busy Philipps

The people from 'The State' are close friends, but also some of the most incredibly funny people I know. — Joe Lo Truglio

Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK. — Steven Wright

That's the problem with best friends. Sometimes they know you better than you know yourself. — Cecily Von Ziegesar

May God defend me from my friends: I can defend myself from my enemies. — Voltaire

Shane, honey, in Morganville, friends are the only things that keep you alive. — Rachel Caine

Hm funny you think you truly know me all tell you this only my trust of friends know who I relay am — Pikmin100xx

If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them — Andy Borowitz

I saw a want ad. "light housekeeping." They said "Here, change this bulb." I said "I'll need some friends." — Steven Wright

Thanks for coming, Zach told him. He slapped Jonas on the back. And I felt like I'd fallen into an alternate universe. One where Zach had ... friends. — Ally Carter

Time for Tolerance,Equality, and Acceptance, It's allways TEA time with my Friends ... — Gregory Douglass

Honest friends is kinda nice, but it's hard to beat a big-ass lie and a six-pack of brewskies. — Lois Greiman

When I'm with my friends I'm funny, but I don't feel like I'm a funny clown. — Nora Dunn

I was always pretty funny with my friends. — Kenan Thompson

Alas! Charles made the promise glibly, and forgot all about it. — Whipplesnaith

Friends from America!(Translation:"Tourist with Money")Look this way! — Amanda Hudson

What you're experiencing isn't a dry spell. It's a dust bowl. Tell me, do you find cob webs in there every time you get yourself off? — Parker S. Huntington

Satisfaction is not the achievement of what we want, but the awareness of what we have. — Abhysheq Shukla

Nothing is more cheerful than talking about our friends' shortcomings. — Mason Cooley

It's funny how even when you've lived with someone your whole life, they can still surprise you. — Shannon Wiersbitzky

Amy Poehler and I have been friends for so long, we're like Oprah and Gale. Only we're not denying anything. — Tina Fey

Don't be too nice to him," I teased. "He'll never leave. — Juliet Blackwell

Love is only chatter, friends are all that matter. — Gelett Burgess

I was in my friends garage, and he had; a kite, a yo-yo, and a boomerang. I was like "Dude, you have abandonment issues" — Demetri Martin

I won't let my best friends do silly,stupid,annoying,funny things
-WITHOUT ME!!!!!!!!!! — Azhly Antenor

I hate it in friends when they come too late to help. — Euripides

Friends are what God gives you to make up for your family. — Bruce White

What's funny about my group of friends is that none of us ever went to the same school. None of us lived in the same part of town. — Mila Kunis

Ladies and gentleman are permitted to have friends in the kennel, but not in the kitchen. — George Bernard Shaw

Its funny how we can go from good friends for months to strangers for years and best friends for hours. Plastic world, realistic people. — Lik Hock Yap

It's funny how you can know your friends so well, but you still end up playing the same games with them. — Lauren Oliver

It's just hassle of having friends and family an' that. — Karl Pilkington

Because friendship is about laughing when the other person is joking to make you feel better. Even if you don't find her joke all that funny. — Padma Venkatraman

I'm the munter of my friends. I've got wonky teeth and a lazy eye. My friend Rob is disgusted I'm a heart-throb. — Russell Howard

Stop teasing you two," Suzy jumped in, "not all of Kathy's ideas are wacky."
"Gee thanks. Was that supposed to be a compliment? — E.A. Bucchianeri

You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living. — Jim Norton

Friends don't drool. Friends don't drool... — Barbara Kloss

Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends. — Adam Ferrara

Friends are like bras, attached near your heart for support. Foes are like panties, deported, every now and then, when they get dirty. — Santosh Kalwar

Without friends the world is but a wilderness. — Francis Bacon

My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don't know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny. — Nick Kroll

I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends. — Walt Whitman

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one. — Andy Borowitz

It is good to have friends both in Heaven and Hell. — George Herbert

I don't drink a lot. My family calls me an old soul. And my friends call me a pussy. — Mike Birbiglia

Us is my favorite people. — Rick Riordan

I always chose all my friends on whether they were funny. What's a better way to pass the time than laughing or smiling? — Ricky Gervais

Trust is hard to come by. That's why my circle is small and tight. I'm kind of funny about making new friends. — Eminem

All of my best friends are dead people. Someday I've got to figure out how that happened. — Claudia Gray

I'll stick to finding the funny in the ordinary because my life is pretty ordinary and so are the lives of my friends - and my friends are hilarious. — Issa Rae

You Too? I thought I was the only one. — C.S. Lewis

I was a good student, sort of funny and athletic. I had friends. — Rosemary Mahoney

Be nice. Funny. Smart. Generous. Kind. Feed your body with good food. Your soul with good friends. And your mind with new things. — Jillian Dodd

I can be reasonably funny and light-hearted when I'm in the company of good friends, but I'm not a jokesmith. I tend to be quite serious. — Rowan Atkinson

The French are always reticent to surrender to the wishes of their friends and always more than willing to surrender to the wishes of their enemies. — Dennis Miller

That was a funny thing about friends, Marylin thought. You could know a person practically your whole life and she could still surprise you. — Frances O'Roark Dowell

Happiness held is the beginning; happiness shared is the blossom — Abhysheq Shukla

[Ella] "Again, I ask, whose side are you on?"
[Lola] "The side that has the least Dorito-flavored vomit on the floor after the party. — Dakota Cassidy

Just a few questions for you, Mr. Dunne. Or Kenny. Can I call you Kenny? I feel we've become friends in these past few seconds. Can I call you Kenny? — Derek Landy

Percy looked at his friends. I'm getting tired of this guy's shirt. — Rick Riordan

It's funny how you can grow away from your friends, when just a few years ago they were the most important people in your life. — Judy Blume

Talking about your troubles is no good. Eighty percent of your friends don't care and the rest are glad. — Tommy Lasorda

Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them. — Edwin Arlington Robinson

I'm pretty sure my stomach has a sliver in it from rubbing up against my backbone, so back off, bitch. — H.J. Bellus

I love making friends ... it's people I can't stand. — Linus Torvalds

It was amazing how many friends you could make by being bad at things, provided you were bad enough to be funny. — Terry Pratchett

I hate people who cry around me. I'm not friends with them anymore. Especially girls. Cuz girls are crying all the time. It's like, 'Shut up.' — Robert Pattinson

If I don't get at least 1 email in any given hour, I begin to think my friends are conspiring against me. — Tommy James

I have a lot of funny friends, and we joke a lot, but I've never really played comedic parts. — Joel Kinnaman

Being funny has always mattered a lot to me. It's why I started acting - to make my friends laugh. — Nick Wechsler

Choose your friends carefully. Your enemies will choose you. — Yasser Arafat

I am so like Donna it's funny. And most of my friends are guys too. — Laura Prepon

So all my friends have kids now ... which I think is rude. — David Cross

It's funny, but you get to a time in your life when you think you have all the friends you will ever have. — Liam Neeson

Laughing at our friends, we avenge the disappointment they have caused. — Mason Cooley

I had imaginary friends and even they were mean to me. — Olivia Wilde

Having friends is how your life gets fucked up. — Jesse Andrews

Tom Hanks is fantastic - he is one of my dad's good friends, and he's very warm and funny. — Bryce Dallas Howard

Isn't it funny how we all will end up? Best friends today, communicating via internet tomorrow. Crush today, dancing at their weddings tomorrow. — Manasa Rao