David Sedaris Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about David Sedaris

David Sedaris Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational David Sedaris quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

If some people are "outed," are other people "inned"? Can we say that someone has been "besided" or "overed"? — David Sedaris

The man spoke with an accent, and though I couldn't exactly place it, I knew that he was poor. His voice had snakes in it. And dysentery, and mangoes. — David Sedaris

It's just a penis, right? Probably no worse for you than smoking. — David Sedaris

Well, that's a hell of a reason to poison yourself. — David Sedaris

The part of my plan that made old people uncomfortable, that exposed them for the bigots they were - and on a Sunday! - still appealed to me. — David Sedaris

If practiced correctly, generosity can induce feelings of shame, inadequacy, and even envy, to name just a few. — David Sedaris

Not giving is no different than taking. — David Sedaris

Broke a nail clean off, and when it grew back it looked like a Brazil nut. — David Sedaris

There's a short circuit between my brain and my tongue, thus "Leave me the fuck alone" comes out as "Well, maybe. Sure. I guess I can see your point. — David Sedaris

If I could believe in myself, why not give other improbabilities the benefit of the doubt? — David Sedaris

In his work shirt and underpants, he looked powerful but also cartoonish, like a bear dressed up for a job interview. — David Sedaris

It was like watching someone you hate getting mugged: three seconds of hard-core violence, and when it was over you just wanted it to happen again. — David Sedaris

Thanks stadium pal! — David Sedaris

To be exotic, on the other hand, one had to think not just outside the box but outside the world of boxes. — David Sedaris

The Korean man nodded, the way you do when you're a foreigner and understand that someone has finished a sentence. — David Sedaris

To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news. — David Sedaris

It made no sense naturewise - owls and songbirds work different shifts, and even if they didn't they would still never be friends. — David Sedaris

It was, I thought, what evil must smell like. — David Sedaris

Most people, or at least most of the people that I've come into contact with, would like to be written about. — David Sedaris

Having spent my life trying to fit the will of others, I was unable to distinguish between what I enjoyed and what I thought I should enjoy. — David Sedaris

Now it seems cruel, abusive even, but this all happened before the invention of self-esteem, which, frankly, I think is a little overrated. — David Sedaris

It's not lost on me that I'm so busy recording life, I don't have time to really live it. — David Sedaris

And I'm here to tell you that, as long as you keep your eyes shut, it's really not that bad. — David Sedaris

I don't like travelling if I know I have to write about it. — David Sedaris

Drawing attention to Gretchen's weight was the sort of behavior my mother referred to as 'stirring the turd,' and I did it a lot that summer. — David Sedaris

They're hungry for something they know nothing about, but we, we know all too well that the price of fame is the loss of privacy. — David Sedaris

I like books on tape, and will listen to just about anything. — David Sedaris

In my dream world gay people in America would get the right to marry, and not a one of them would use that right. — David Sedaris

she was the human equivalent of a storm cloud. — David Sedaris

I know it sounds calculating, but if you're not cute, you might as well be clever. — David Sedaris

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it. — David Sedaris

We can't profess love without talking through hand puppets. — David Sedaris

He has a point there, that's harsh. Unfortunately, they never gave him a medal for it and as a result he brings it up time and time again. — David Sedaris

Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto. — David Sedaris

I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met. — David Sedaris

I like listening to books as well, as that way you can iron at the same time. — David Sedaris

I think it's important to take chances. — David Sedaris

My first boyfriend was black as well, but that doesn't prove I'm color-blind, just that I like big butts. — David Sedaris

Something has changed, and now, when I look at my students, I see only people who are going to eat up my time. — David Sedaris

Every so often my life will feel like a story. It doesn't have to be a big thing; in fact, most often, it's just the opposite. — David Sedaris

Live with liberty, and your imagination can soar. — David Sedaris

Boys who spent their weekends making banana nut muffins did not, as a rule, excel in the art of hand-to-hand combat. — David Sedaris

I said that Santa no longer traffics in coal. Instead, if you're bad he comes to your house and steals things. — David Sedaris

I don't have email. — David Sedaris

It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a fist. — David Sedaris

One burner represents your family, one is your friends, the third is your health, and the fourth is your work. — David Sedaris

It hardly seemed fair, because, unlike a horse or a Seeing Eye dog, the whole glory of being a bird is that nobody would ever put you to work. — David Sedaris

The Greeks had invented democracy, built the Acropolis and called it a day. — David Sedaris

If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever. — David Sedaris

As a foreigner in London, I like that there are so many other foreigners. — David Sedaris

I'd always thought that I understood this, but lately I realize that what I call "understanding" is basically just fantasizing. — David Sedaris

The Bible says that it's all right to cast the first stone if someone dead is telling you to do it — David Sedaris

Gambling to me is what a telephone pole might be to a groundhog. He sees that it's there but doesn't for the life of him understand why. — David Sedaris

A zoo is a good place to make a spectacle of yourself, as the people around you have creepier, more photogenic things to look at. — David Sedaris

Most of the blame goes to the director, who seems to have picked up her staging secrets from the school's crossing guard. — David Sedaris

We sweat for our pretensions. It — David Sedaris

When they're born outside, crows come and pluck their eyes out. — David Sedaris

My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining. — David Sedaris

Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril. — David Sedaris

The only real advice you can give anyone is to keep writing. — David Sedaris

That man tried to picka my frienda's pocketoni! — David Sedaris

Weird doors open. People fall into things. — David Sedaris

I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives. — David Sedaris

Nobody dreams of the things he already has. — David Sedaris

A new group, flexitarians, who eat meat if not too many people are watching. — David Sedaris

he's braw and pulchritudinous, — David Sedaris

True art was based upon despair, and the important thing was to make yourself and those around you as miserable as possible. — David Sedaris

It was like seeing someone who wore a striped tie or parted his hair on the left - a detail, but not a telling one. — David Sedaris

But all of a sudden they're poets, right, like that's all it takes - being in love. — David Sedaris

Here I am, just turned fifty, and I forgot that my father isn't dead yet! — David Sedaris

The thing to remeber is that more than anything in this world, these colored people wish they were white. — David Sedaris

Comfort has its place, but it seems rude to visit another country dressed as if you've come to mow its lawns. — David Sedaris

I'm dating myself, but this was before Jesus Christ. We worshiped a God named Sashatiba, who had five eyes, including one on the Adam's apple. — David Sedaris

Say what you will about the south, but in North Carolina a hot dog is free to swing anyway it wishes. — David Sedaris

In Paris you're always surrounded by French people. — David Sedaris

Jeremy, Good luck on your first marriage. — David Sedaris

Every day spent with you is like having a cesarean section. — David Sedaris

This is a busy week with me and lunatics, whom I tend to see as either signs or messengers. — David Sedaris

It make one's mouth hurt to speak with such forced merriment. — David Sedaris

Sometimes I say to myself, 'Oh, I wish I could win a Tony Award', although I'm not that bothered. — David Sedaris

I've been keeping diaries for 27 years. — David Sedaris

That be common for I, also, but be more strong, you. Much work and someday, you talk pretty. People start love you soon. Maybe tomorrow, okay. — David Sedaris

The nice thing about crowds is that someone can throw a bottle and you don't take it personally. — David Sedaris

Perhaps the little Negro girl was holding a concealed razor blade. Maybe she was one of the troublemakers out for a fresh white scalp. — David Sedaris

A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit. — David Sedaris

Weeks passed, my suitcase grew more and more conventional. "I've got something for you," I'd say to a teenager. "It's nothing huge, — David Sedaris

I just looked at the pattern of my life, decided I didn't like it, and changed. — David Sedaris

He led me to the barn, where a Mexican man stood waiting for his turn at the shower. "Whole-aah, Toe-moss," he shouted. — David Sedaris

Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am. — David Sedaris

Either he was suffering a terrible case of gas or he had a pint-size child practicing the trumpet in his back pocket. — David Sedaris

Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it. — David Sedaris

I'm not a misogynist. I'm a misanthrope. I hate everyone equally. — David Sedaris

All I can say is that if it helps to have friends, it helps even more to have friends who are governors! — David Sedaris

I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter. — David Sedaris

You know you're young when someone asks you for money and you take it as a compliment. — David Sedaris

Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their own stuff into it. — David Sedaris

The bow tie is like the pierced eyebrow of the Republican party. — David Sedaris

I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later. — David Sedaris

She hit bottom when she physically attacked a deaf-mute. This was a boy of fourteen, a beloved neighborhood figure who delivered for the nearby deli. — David Sedaris

He looked as though his life had not only passed him by but paused along the way to spit in his face. — David Sedaris