Oliver Herford Quotes

Age, like distance lends a double charm.

Darling: the popular form of address used in speaking to a member of the opposite sex whose name you cannot at the moment remember.

An epicure is one who gets nothing better than the cream of everything but cheerfully makes the best of it.

Modesty is the gentle art of enhancing your charm by pretending not to be aware of it.

Children, behold the Chimpanzee:
He sits on the ancestral tree
From which we sprang in ages gone.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

My wife has a whim of iron

Gather kittens while you may, Time brings only sorrow; And the kittens of today; Will be old cats tomorrow.

I would like to throw an egg into an electric fan.

Diplomacy is living in state.

The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet.

Some take their gold in minted mold, and some in harps thereafter, but give me mine in bubbles fine and keep the change in laughter.

To babble is to make a feminine noise somewhat resembling the sound of a brook, but with less meaning.

A rolling stone gathers no moss, but it gains a certain polish.

A kiss is a course of procedure cunningly devised, for the mutual stopage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.

Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.

Cat: a pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.

Tact: to lie about others as you would have them lie about you.

Song is the licensed medium for bawling in public things too silly or sacred to be uttered in ordinary speech.

When I go abroad I always sail from Boston because it is such a pleasant place to get away from.

There is always room at the top - after the investigation.

Many are called but few get up.

Only the young die good.

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: she changes it more often.

A pest is a person who can talk like an encyclopedia, and does.

If some people got their rights they would complain of being deprived of their wrongs.

What is my loftiest ambition? I've always wanted to throw an egg into an electric fan.

A man is known by the silence he keeps

There are more fish taken out of a stream than ever were in it.