Neil Leckman quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Neil Leckman

Neil Leckman Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Neil Leckman on Wise Famous Quotes.

Empolyee form fun
Who to contact in an emergency?
911

I have always pictured accupuncture like falling into a box of sewing needles, and then standing up refreshed and free of pain.

I tried to walk a mile in a man's shoes once. I ended up running most of the way!! Seems he wanted them back..

Remember, never apply too much torque or you'll bust your nuts!!

They used to say, "A penny for your thoughts". I have heard that zombies will pay up to $5 a pound for your brains. Inflation even affects the dead!!!

While walking with a British coach.
Why do you chuckle every time we walk by the theater that is showing "Free Willy"?

If you sleep with one eye open are your dreams only half as good as everyone elses?

I have my moments, I just can't remember where I put them.

Some people like to push my buttons!!! I just wish they would give them back ...

A great book is a thing of mystery and beauty; it has the power to move you.

Somebody once told me that I need a reality check, I told them that I'll accept money from any source.

The man said, "The toy cars are a dollar a piece". The boy thought about that a moment and asked, "How much for the whole thing?

Never torque a man's nuts unless you are his mechanic!!

How many of you knew what the Thomas A Swift Electric Rifle was? An idea in the book years ago, and now who hasn't heard of a T.A.S.E.R.

Have you ever found Viking in your cottage cheese?

I always wonder how many potholes there are in the road less taken. I mean it's great to go where others don't, but is it maintained?

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges soaking up so much water.

They say that time is relative. I think the way it's treating me it's a distant one, maybe a bad uncle, and not welcome in my house this Christmas!!

If a book falls in the woods and nobody read it, was it ever written?

I took the road less traveled, now I need a map.

If I were a candy bar I'd want to be a snicker, because then I'd have the last laugh!!

I took the road less travled, now I'm lost.

I flunked out of mime school. I could never hear what the instructor was saying!!!

I don't know why they call them Cheerios, I ate an entire box and didn't feel any happier!!

When I was little and my mom got mad at me she would always say, "You know you can be replaced".
I have often wondered if I was.

My oldest son used to say his stomach had angries when he felt sick.
I always pictured an all night fight club for finger foods!!

Still waiting for them to make reversible diapers, maybe with teflon coating ...

I consider whoever my words land on to be my target, that's why I like flash fiction, it's a lot like using a shotgun.

I'm not sure what they mean by mispent youth, I used mine to get a nice BLT a few years ago.

Don't follow your heart if you can't keep a beat

I never completely understood the phrase, "I took my medicine religiously", unless of course it was a religion I was unfamiliar with!!

We started our journey across the waistlands by folowing the enormous belt!!

You shouldn't follow your heart unless you can keep a beat.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless it is the burning bush, in that case the value of your bird just went up!!

I think what I need to do is stay awake while I'm sleeping so I can see what I'm dreaming better!!

Thought about being a stand up comedienne for zombies, but when they eat you alive, they really eat you!!

If I have a pocket full of rainbows am I an optimist, or a guy with wet pants and really large pockets?

I sprayed my dog with off and he still sits in my favorite chair!!

I've always been afraid that someone would steal my identity some day and be more successful at being me than I am!!

I am open to all comments, I accept them with humility, or as much as i can muster on short notice.

They started the meeting out by saying, "Everybody please take your seats"
I was halfway back to my cubicle with mine before they stopped me ...

Bad questions at employment interviews:
Is your drug test graded on a curve?

Why is ground round sold in a square package?

You know what they say. One man's joke is another man's brother

They say you don't know what you don't know until you know that you don't know it.

How to contact in case of an emergency?
I prefer 911 myself ...

Has anyone else noticed that most dreams happen while you're asleep? Makes it a lot harder to remember the details ...

I woke today ready to think outside the box. I can't remember where I put it.

Is it worth the effort to tell an idiot that they are profoundly stupid? Or is it just good fun to see the blank stare?

I tok the road less traveled. Now I'm lost.

If you die while travelling at the speed of light do you still see the light, or a 'temporarily unavailable' message?

Is it possible to be ticket for going too fast during speed dating?

Sometimes I wake up and wonder if those chalk outlines they have at murder scenes get together for holiday parties ...

Pharmacy drive-up window:
"Could I have your address?"
"Well, you could, but that would be one hell of a coincidence!!

I think that last batch of sea monkeys ate my cat!!!

Quickly look down, now you tell me, when you were little did you ever imagine that you'd be wearing those shoes? Mind blowing isn't it?

How many boxs of Fruit Loops do you need to smash to be considered a cereal killer?

How about a TV show about vampire plastic surgeons called, "Suck and Tuck"?

In the form it asked who to contact in an emergency, so I put 911.

I admit I once threw caution to the wind ...
It doesn't fly well!!

They kept yelling at me to pay attention during school, since education hasn't panned out for me can I get a refund, or at least a rebate?

So you like to stretch the truth?" he asked me. "Stretch, fold, spindle, staple or cut, whatever it takes to get it to fit just right".

I am open to comments, I accept with with all humility, or at least what I can muster at short notice.

I try not to have personal problems, I do that by telling everyone about them!!!

Is it worse to double park if you're cross eyed?