Jeremy Clarkson quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Jeremy Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Jeremy Clarkson on Wise Famous Quotes.

The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won't let me turn the traction control off!

You know what, I distinctly remember my boat blew up and I was killed!

I'm having a nice cold pint and waiting for this to blow over.

That [Pagani] Zonda, really! It's like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

I'm not only in touch with my feminine side, I'm in touch with my gay side as well.

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

Being smarter than you look is better than looking smarter than you are.

Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves. All we know is he's called the Stig.

No, no, no. There's no such thing as cheap and cheerful. It's cheap and nasty & expensive and cheerful.

We are going to have to stop penalising people for making that most human of gestures- mistake

If you go through the pearly gates backwards in a fireball, that's a cool way to die!

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite

I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!

There are shantytowns in South Africa that are built better than Renaults!

I am aware, of course, that many men do hate the sight of their wife and children. Doctors even have a name for these people: 'anglers'.

Whenever I'm suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I'm straight off.

They are by far the worst drivers. They are spiteful, dithering, old and in the way. They should have their licences taken away.

Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

International hand of freindship. A cigarette

Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You've heard she's mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn't
you?

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

It was as relaxing as being tickled.

When you've finished using a car, put the f***ing seat back, so humans can use it afterwards.

In Conisborough there's no Hoxton Square to bring a bit of light relief. It's just mile after mile of broken windows and the bloody Earth Centre.

I like to be loved by my children, and I quite like the Guardian hating me.

Planet Earth thought it had Â£10. But it turns out we only had Â£2. Which means everyone must lose 80% of their wealth

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sportscar in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

I started to realise that being impolite saves an awful lot of time and costs you nothing.

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what BEING STABBED?

This is perfect for India because everyone who comes here gets the trots.

Do not cruise through red lights. Because if I'm coming the other way, I will run you down, for fun.

God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place.

Why is the forecast so bland? Why instead of 'stormy' don't they just say the sea's 'a frothing maelstrom of terror and hopelessness'?

I'm a horse of a man!

Sometimes I stagger even myself with my genius.

Americans are good at herding Bison. The end.

All this health and safety talk is just killing me.

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

It couldn't pull a greased
stick out of a pig's bottom

I have had an amazingly fortunate life. I'm a child from Yorkshire, which is sort of like Cleveland without the pretty bits.

Hollywood movies are designed for 15-year-old youths from North Dakota who, intellectually speaking, are on equal terms with a British zoo animal.

Mix an anorexic body with a heart made of pure fire and you are going to go with a savagery that's hard to explain.

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends' houses so they don't see its backside.

The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler

This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.

Nothing can prepare you for the yawning chasm of time that passes in Canada before the healthcare system actually does any healthcare.

I'm not capable of having an affair. You can ask my wife. I'm not physically capable.

In Italy, you sometimes get the impression they'd be happier to lose the Ppe than lose their right to drive like maniacs.

Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish Delight. All we know is he's called the Stig.

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

If a football official were to call for a slow-motion replay every time Didier Drogba fell over, each match would last about six weeks.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

Multi-tasking is the ability to screw everything up simultaneously.

I'd like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you've got the Ebola virus and you're about to sneeze.

If we build three million new houses by 2020, where will we grow all the stuff needed to feed the people who live in them?

Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase, but this is like smearing honey onto Keira Knightley.

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

My epiglottis is full of bees!

Column writing is like gas - it fills the available space.

I don't think I am particularly funny. In fact, I know I'm not.

Sips fuel like a mouse sipping sherry from a hypodermic needle.

I'm sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning, and you think you are an onion, this is your car, (about the BMW X3).

There are many rules for the elderly in the Highway Code. I have one too, and here it is: get a bloody move on.

I think people who watch 'Top Gear' think they're the only ones watching it, which I quite like, because it can hopefully last for a long time.