
I don't really have funny things to say about politics. I wish I did, but I don't.

Boy, does that give you street cred for years after, if you tell people you were on 'The Larry Sanders Show!'

I absolutely realize that a celebrity spokesperson is not ideal.

Tina Fey is part of a generation of women who have changed the face of comedy at 'Second City,' 'SNL,' in sitcoms and in film.

Is being an idiot like being high all the time?

I'm a sucker for any guy with an accent with any kind.

The term 'celebrity' makes my skin crawl.

Your average person wouldn't recognize a sublime entity if it attempted to fist fuck them while waiting in line for the next Batman sequel.

No no no! Don't clap! No no no, you make me seem like I'm like a prophet or something and I'm so not!

There is no way any rational, reasonable person can say
that the Bush Administration has been good for America.

I'm not a cook. I like to watch the Food Network, but I don't like to cook.

When Communist U.S.S.R. was a superpower, the world was better off. The right-wing media is trying to marginalize the peace movement.

I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person.

People think that you are a nasty, selfish person if you don't want to have children.

Silence does not equal patriotism. Obedience is not the American way.

Not that I was ever an asshole but I used to be much more of a bulldozer.

I would prefer to be well-liked in any and all situations.

Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.

I guess intractable right-wing ideologues are my mortal enemy.

We're our own worst enemies a lot of the time, but I still blame men.

This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.

If you aren't overly effusive or really nicey-nice with the press, you get a reputation for being outspoken or difficult.

I despise in others my own characteristics.

Red flag of the eating disorder: the muffin. Keep your eye on the ladies with the muffins ... and sometimes I'll just eat the muffin top.

Every year my family would pile into the car for our vacation and drive 80 trillion miles just to prove we couldn't get along in any setting.

How is it that this debate has been twisted on its head, that somehow those that advocate peace and diplomacy are anti-American?

Being a feminist means that you believe in civil rights and social justice.

Men are allowed to age. Men are allowed to gain weight. Men are allowed to be quirky looking.

Evil is in the face of every frat guy that ever raised a beer cup and went "whoooooo!"

What has Iraq done to us?

I don't know that I would need to be famous as a Middle East policy expert to see that unilateral imperialism is bad policy.

To combat social awkwardness, I would just act like I couldn't be bothered - that kind of aloof persona or aloof demeanor. It's so off-putting.

Leaving your ears open to the suggestions of others only closes the mind's eye, thereby creating a type of spiritual glaucoma.

I don't really have a theatre background at all.

For my stand-up, I always have my notebook with me and if something strikes me, I'll write it down.

It's mentally exhausting, feeling bad about something you can do nothing about.

Should have dogs before they have kids. Everybody.

You young people with your twittering and your creating of content. Or what is it - queefing? I don't know what you young people are calling it.

Rejection kills, disappointment only maims.

I would say just in general, in life, I'm more willing to be animated as a person, and so obviously onstage as well.

I've seen other comics, with great pleasure, watching their own specials, and I don't know how or why they do it.

I'm sorry for being me. I won't ever do it again.

I love a nice cooking show. It's as aesthetically pleasing as any other thing that tempts the senses, I suppose.

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

I mostly get takeout, I have to admit - I don't know if that's something to be ashamed of. I'm not much of a cook.

I would have to say loneliness is next to uncleanliness.

I do not enjoy when people don't like me.

As actors, it is our responsibility to read the newspapers, and then say what we read on television like it's our own opinion.

For some reason I get advertised when I travel as a political comedian, which I'm not. Sometimes I talk about it and sometimes I don't.

Iraq is a manufactured conflict for the sake of geopolitical dominance in the area.