Janeane Garofalo Quotes

My dream would be to be on a show that shoots in New York, because I live here, and then I could walk to work.

I feel like the American people are being lied to and manipulated. President Bush is trying to force 9/11 and Saddam together.

I'm a walker. I enjoy walking, which I think psychologically expresses my feelings of wanting liberation without exerting myself too much.

I'm not a disciplined writer.

You can't have cinema by committee if you're trying to do it well.

When I see the American flag, I go, 'Oh my God, you're insulting me.'

Sex is the quickest way to ruin a friendship.

I think we all remember where we were when Rush Hour hit the water. That was an important day.

I don't have a good work ethic. I have a real casual relationship with hours.

I don't think Hollywood was trying to do anything with me. In fact, they lost interest pretty quick.

You just need an opportunity and then you yourself have to do a good job, and then you hope that people go, 'Oh yeah, I forgot about her.'

The Bible, I've said it before, is a beautifully written work of fiction.

The world would be better off with multiple superpowers. When Communist USSR was a superpower, the world was better off.

To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first.

Blood may be thicker than water, but it is still sticky, unpleasant and generally nauseating.

You can tell a lot about a person by how excited they are to do the Macarena.

The media is supposed to be custodians of the facts and watchdogs of government. They have, for the most part, neglected to be either of those things.

There's nothing wrong with the word conspiracy. It just means 'to breathe together'.

I say at this point, for different reasons, Bush and Hussein are both very threatening to world peace and to deny that is to be incredibly naive.

You know, I've had Botox. The woman who does it is very good, obviously. Very conservative.

I'm grateful for any opportunity to act.

Historically the mainstream media has never been particularly friendly to any socially progressive ideas.

I don't hate myself, as a general rule. I'd say the best way to describe it is that I have moments of self-loathing at fairly regular intervals.

The handful of corporations that own most of the media outlets have an interest in reflecting establishment views.

I am not a person that is particularly tethered to fashion, which I think is obvious to anyone who's seen me.

Sage advice? If you're drunk, stay away from the phone. You can't get the answering machine message back.

I don't enjoy sparring with the audience. It devastates me.

Sometimes the critics review me harshly for not being critical of government but it's not me who has said I was political.

A war is going to destroy our economy even further. It's going to be a threefold humanitarian disaster.

I don't really have funny things to say about politics. I wish I did, but I don't.

Boy, does that give you street cred for years after, if you tell people you were on 'The Larry Sanders Show!'

I absolutely realize that a celebrity spokesperson is not ideal.

Tina Fey is part of a generation of women who have changed the face of comedy at 'Second City,' 'SNL,' in sitcoms and in film.

Is being an idiot like being high all the time?

I'm a sucker for any guy with an accent with any kind.

The term 'celebrity' makes my skin crawl.

Your average person wouldn't recognize a sublime entity if it attempted to fist fuck them while waiting in line for the next Batman sequel.

No no no! Don't clap! No no no, you make me seem like I'm like a prophet or something and I'm so not!

There is no way any rational, reasonable person can say
that the Bush Administration has been good for America.

I'm not a cook. I like to watch the Food Network, but I don't like to cook.

When Communist U.S.S.R. was a superpower, the world was better off. The right-wing media is trying to marginalize the peace movement.

I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person.

People think that you are a nasty, selfish person if you don't want to have children.

Silence does not equal patriotism. Obedience is not the American way.

Not that I was ever an asshole but I used to be much more of a bulldozer.

I would prefer to be well-liked in any and all situations.

Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.

I guess intractable right-wing ideologues are my mortal enemy.

We're our own worst enemies a lot of the time, but I still blame men.

This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.

If you aren't overly effusive or really nicey-nice with the press, you get a reputation for being outspoken or difficult.

I despise in others my own characteristics.

Red flag of the eating disorder: the muffin. Keep your eye on the ladies with the muffins ... and sometimes I'll just eat the muffin top.

Every year my family would pile into the car for our vacation and drive 80 trillion miles just to prove we couldn't get along in any setting.

How is it that this debate has been twisted on its head, that somehow those that advocate peace and diplomacy are anti-American?

Being a feminist means that you believe in civil rights and social justice.

Men are allowed to age. Men are allowed to gain weight. Men are allowed to be quirky looking.

Evil is in the face of every frat guy that ever raised a beer cup and went "whoooooo!"

What has Iraq done to us?

I don't know that I would need to be famous as a Middle East policy expert to see that unilateral imperialism is bad policy.

To combat social awkwardness, I would just act like I couldn't be bothered - that kind of aloof persona or aloof demeanor. It's so off-putting.

Leaving your ears open to the suggestions of others only closes the mind's eye, thereby creating a type of spiritual glaucoma.

I don't really have a theatre background at all.

For my stand-up, I always have my notebook with me and if something strikes me, I'll write it down.

It's mentally exhausting, feeling bad about something you can do nothing about.

Should have dogs before they have kids. Everybody.

You young people with your twittering and your creating of content. Or what is it - queefing? I don't know what you young people are calling it.

Rejection kills, disappointment only maims.

I would say just in general, in life, I'm more willing to be animated as a person, and so obviously onstage as well.

I've seen other comics, with great pleasure, watching their own specials, and I don't know how or why they do it.

I'm sorry for being me. I won't ever do it again.

I love a nice cooking show. It's as aesthetically pleasing as any other thing that tempts the senses, I suppose.

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

I mostly get takeout, I have to admit - I don't know if that's something to be ashamed of. I'm not much of a cook.

I would have to say loneliness is next to uncleanliness.

I do not enjoy when people don't like me.

As actors, it is our responsibility to read the newspapers, and then say what we read on television like it's our own opinion.

For some reason I get advertised when I travel as a political comedian, which I'm not. Sometimes I talk about it and sometimes I don't.

Iraq is a manufactured conflict for the sake of geopolitical dominance in the area.