Jackie Mason quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Jackie Mason

Jackie Mason Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Jackie Mason on Wise Famous Quotes.

Jackie Mason quotes: I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to.

I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to.

Jackie Mason quotes: I always thought music was more important than sex - then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.

I always thought music was more important than sex - then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me.

Jackie Mason quotes: It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.

It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.

Jackie Mason quotes: Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen.

Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen.

Jackie Mason quotes: My comedy doesn't come from any calculations and studies.

My comedy doesn't come from any calculations and studies.

Jackie Mason quotes: It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

Jackie Mason quotes: If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

Jackie Mason quotes: Honesty is nothin' compared to decency.

Honesty is nothin' compared to decency.

Jackie Mason quotes: I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!

I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why!

Jackie Mason quotes: Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Jackie Mason quotes: It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

Jackie Mason quotes: I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.

I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.

Jackie Mason quotes: Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?

Jackie Mason quotes: Would you put a pastrami in your mouth if you didn't want to eat it?

Would you put a pastrami in your mouth if you didn't want to eat it?

Jackie Mason quotes: I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!

I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!

Jackie Mason quotes: Predictions are preposterous.

Predictions are preposterous.

Jackie Mason quotes: Everybody knows we're entitled to one Jerusalem. History reveals very simply that this is our land from the days of the Bible.

Everybody knows we're entitled to one Jerusalem. History reveals very simply that this is our land from the days of the Bible.

Jackie Mason quotes: I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.

Jackie Mason quotes: Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.

Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.

Jackie Mason quotes: Anybody who's in favor of gun control is a fucking moron.

Anybody who's in favor of gun control is a fucking moron.

Jackie Mason quotes: Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!

Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!

Jackie Mason quotes: A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval.

A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval.

Jackie Mason quotes: America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.

America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.

Jackie Mason quotes: I didn't think it was fair to pretend to give of myself when I was so selfishly consumed with my own drives.

I didn't think it was fair to pretend to give of myself when I was so selfishly consumed with my own drives.

Jackie Mason quotes: I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.

I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.