Jackie Mason Quotes

Top 25 wise famous quotes and sayings by Jackie Mason

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Jackie Mason quotes: I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to. I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to.
Jackie Mason quotes: My comedy doesn't come from any calculations and studies. My comedy doesn't come from any calculations and studies.
Jackie Mason quotes: Honesty is nothin' compared to decency. Honesty is nothin' compared to decency.
Jackie Mason quotes: Would you put a pastrami in your mouth if you didn't want to eat it? Would you put a pastrami in your mouth if you didn't want to eat it?
Jackie Mason quotes: I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs. I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.
Jackie Mason quotes: A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval. A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval.
Jackie Mason quotes: Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable! Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable!
Jackie Mason quotes: Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net. Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.
Jackie Mason quotes: I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something. I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.
Jackie Mason quotes: Predictions are preposterous. Predictions are preposterous.
Jackie Mason quotes: I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it! I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it!
Jackie Mason quotes: Everybody knows we're entitled to one Jerusalem. History reveals very simply that this is our land from the days of the Bible. Everybody knows we're entitled to one Jerusalem. History reveals very simply that this is our land from the days of the Bible.
Jackie Mason quotes: Anybody who's in favor of gun control is a fucking moron. Anybody who's in favor of gun control is a fucking moron.
Jackie Mason quotes: America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress. America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.
Jackie Mason quotes: I didn't think it was fair to pretend to give of myself when I was so selfishly consumed with my own drives. I didn't think it was fair to pretend to give of myself when I was so selfishly consumed with my own drives.