If you wanna find out 101 things to do with plums, heh, read your in-flight magazine. 
Nobody is going to be as bad for free thinking, right-minded individuals than George Bush. 
I don't think HBO would want to do anything in conjunction with Sub Pop but I never asked either. 
There is also a kind of mean-spiritedness with LA comics. 
You cannot win a War on Terrorism. It's like having a war on jealousy. 
I've never written jokes. I mean, I'll write things on a piece of paper and riff on them onstage. 
I've never thought of myself as a hoity-toity cultural critic. 
I think I'd be a really good dad. So perhaps I'm doing society a disservice by not having as many kids as possible. 
Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English. 
If people disagree with me and want to articulate it, that's not only their right but almost their obligation. 
The best thing about me is there are no skeletons. 
I hate bumper stickers, you can't sum anything up. All you do is paint yourself in some caricaturist corner. 
I lived in LA for almost nine years and if I never went back there again it would be fine. 
I don't think of my opponents in the sense that I don't think of them consciously, I don't steer it one way or the other. 
I remember being a kid and the Vietnam War was huge and looking at Watergate. 
As far as just my stand-up is concerned, I don't care about changing anyone's mind. I'm not making an argument. I'm a guy doing comedy. 
Besides if people really want to support the troops they would vote democrat. 
I'm pretty happy. I obviously have complaints about things, but for the most part, I'm on the above-average side of happy people. 
Sketches have characters, exits, entrances and are vastly different. 
Originally they wanted me to be Buster but I really like the Tobias part. 
You have to have some level of attachment, you can still have passion and believe but it has to be softened somewhat. 
So all my friends have kids now ... which I think is rude. 
I was born Jewish, but I am an atheist. I dont believe in God. 