Christopher Moore quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Christopher Moore

Christopher Moore Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Christopher Moore on Wise Famous Quotes.

Whistler,' Manet called. 'How's your mother?

Nobody's perfect. Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him ...

Faith isn't an act of intelligence, it's an act of imagination.

A question asked in earnest deserves an earnest answer.

Science, you don't know, looks like magic.

Rivera rubbed his temples. "Satan told you to do it?" he said wearily.
"No."
"Elvis?"
"I told you, it's supernatural.

Tastes like shit!

I'm poor and my cat is huge.

One time you take a hundred thousand dollars and let a vampire go, the whole world turns on you like you're some kind of bad guy.

Actually, orcas aren't quite as complex as scientists imagine. Most killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.

Moses should have said Let my people go. Please.

If manta rays are going to be harmless, they should look more harmless, Pardee thought. Fuckers look like aquatic Draculas.

Routine feeds the illusion of safety...

What is character, if not a man's measure of himself against his friends and enemies?

Funny how easy heartbreak can come. I've always had a talent for it.

I've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores.

The only difference between a pirate and a privateer is a flag,

not the end of the world, just darkness over everything," Charlie cheerfully said. "it gets dark - turn on a light.

Oh yes, I kept all of the abominations at bay while Kaliel played with his favorite sheep behind the bushes.

A theory has no better time than when it's lying there naked, pure, unsullied by facts.

She's so obnoxious. Like a whole Saturday night drunk tank full of obnoxious packed into one little body. Detective Cavuto

You think too much. Thinking will bring you nothing but suffering. Be simple.

The Beta Male is seldom the strongest or the fastest, but because he can anticipate danger, he far outnumbers his Alpha Male competition. The

What's a Mennonite?" Vance asked. "Amish with blenders.

Hope is merely another face of desire. And desire is a motherfucker.

It was a machine-gun orgasm, dark chocolate, spring water in the desert, a hallelujah chorus and the cavelry coming to the rescue all at once.

Let's bat that nun out of the dog park!

Snake eyes!" the croupier said. "Lizard dick!" Coyote shouted back.
This sent me to convulsions.

That's a horrible plan." "Yes, but I have chosen to ignore that.

You motherfucking kitties need to step the fuck off!

I don't give a toss about being remembered after my death.

Losers can only flourish until a dominant species appears

Take a moment to catch your breath and revel in your rhetorical mastery and achievement.

(For what is curiosity if not intellectual temptation? And what progress is there without curiosity?)

People are horrible and they lie.

Charlie Asher: I accidently shagged a monk last night.
Minty Fresh: Sometimes, in times of crisis, that shit cannot be avoided.

He tapped into the Zen of ignorance, the enlightenment of absurdity.

but all things considered, he could go a very long time not being run over by a Volvo again and feel just dandy about it. He

I try to stick to one, single rule, "If you don't have anything to say, shut the fuck up." I think that's in the Bible or something.

To be safe is to be afraid.

Alpha Males may lead the armies of the world, but it's the Betas who actually get the shit blowed up.

I know you're busy dating actresses and psychopaths.

Look, I've always had an empty place in my life that I've alternatively tried to fill with food and penises, but now I have something.

The reason I'm writing funny books is that I wish there were more.

Splendid. I believe we've achieved a whole new level of doomed.

I'm painting moments. Unrepeatable, singular moments of light.

Thou wretched pillar of syphilitic pheasant-fuck!

But she's a redhead, so she's probably evil, even at her tender age."
"I thought you liked redheads."
"I do. What's your point?

I tried cutting myself to express my heartbreak over Tommy (Lord Flood) rejecting me, but OMFG it hurts like flaming fuck.

Lonliness evaporated off of them like the steam off dry ice, and by morning it was just a cloud on the ceiling of the room, then gone with the light.

Evil is our trade, but not so deep a darkness as politics.

You were supposed to empathize with your friend's problem, but they were, after all, your friend's problems ...

You have to reward them when they do what you want. I tried punishing them when they misbehaved, but the hammer seemed to crush their spirit.

If you do your job and assume that everyone else is incompetent, you will seldom be disappointed.

There's some heinous fuckery goin' on mon.

And then I see that the old vampyre is charred like Wile E. Coyote after a bad rocket shoes test.

We will bring your guilt as well. You wouldn't have escaped it anyway. It is a parent's gift.

We'll help," said one boy, his finger far enough up his nose to tickle a memory nesting in his frontal lobe.

I can be most colorful and inventive when I am angry.

Will there be heinous fuckery, Pocket?

Night crawled across the desert sky like a black cat with phosphorus dandruff.

Pain travels pretty well.

He invented Kung Fu when translated to English means method by which short, bald guys can kick the bejeezus out of you.

Evolution doesn't really have a destination. It's just dicking around with possibilities.

He was continually surprised at the speed and accuracy of her creepiness. She was like some creepiness child prodigy

Joseph had regained his composure by now. Evidently, once you accept that your wife slept with God, extraordinary events seem sort of commonplace.

He'd replace the window, but the kid was sleeping in his room from now until she was thirty and married to a huge guy with ninja skills.

He was a writer and words were his weapons.

There's always a bloody ghost.

Well, you know, she was winded for a few minutes from kicking your ass, but she is just a little girl." The

You don't hurry a thinker, and you don't talk to him when he's thinking. It's just inconsiderate.

Nothing fucks up a religion like an intervention from a real God.

As Richard Pryor was to Eddie Murphy, that's what Kurt Vonnegut was to me.

Life is messy. Would that every puzzle piece fell into place, every word was kind, every accident happy, but such is not the case. Life is messy

He had a plan - and a bus pass with four more days left on it - so this son of a bitch had picked the wrong guy to fuck with.

Is it so hard for you to give up what you never had?

And he was like "The sedative in the blood, blah, blah, four hours, blah, blah, nerdspeak, geektalk -" -Abby

You tell soldiers what they need to hear to go to war. Bitches need a mission, not a goal.

You whoreson scalawag!" said I. "You flesh-turd dropped stinking from the poxy arsehole of a hare-lipped harlot!

It's like time travel only, you know, slower...

She's so small, yet she contains so much evil.

Oh, how the pillars of lust can crumble under the weight of stupidity.

I really don't think of my work in terms of a genre. I think of it in terms of what I want to say, what I think is cool, and what I'm good at.

The measure of a man's power is the depth of his mercy.

You do not cause death, you do not prevent death, you are a servant of Destiny, not its agent. Get over yourself.

One can't be free without action.

Where do you think this guy is leading us?' 'Probably somewhere to murder and kill us.' 'Yeah, at least one of those.

She laughed. My favorite music.

For it is written that if the wise man appears always stupid, his failures do not disappoint, and his success gives pleasant surprise.

The key to retaining their respect was to find out what they wanted to do, then tell them to do it.

War is the lifeblood of this merchant republic.

All killer whales are named Kevin. You knew that, right?

Love: the sickest of Irony's sick jokes. The place where logic and order go to die.

I'm not nearly as outrageously brave as many of my rascals that I write. But I think the rascal spirit must reside in me somewhere.

I love you, Lucien, but I am a muse, you are an artist, I am not here to make you comfortable.

Compliment but do not covet.

Do not bonk the Juliette

There is no such thing as a conservative hero.

Is "ho" always feminine, and "muthafucka" always masculine, while "bitch" can be either? How

Shoes off in the whale! And don't try and make a break for the anus.