Bob Hope quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Bob Hope

Bob Hope Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Bob Hope on Wise Famous Quotes.

I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

It's so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

There's a very apt saying in show business: "If you don't go over budget in Paris, you're either very rich or very sick. "

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water.

America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan - Go for the Gold.

You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor's age by the rings on her fingers.

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

Everybody knows what California smog is - that's fog with the vitamins removed.

Seventy years of ad-lib material, and I am speechless.

If you think golf is relaxing, you're not playing it right.

I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he's now my golf bag.

I've been married fifty-five years and I've been home three weeks.

I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there.

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.

Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.

Lots of travel, away from home.

When you get over 95, every day is your day.

My old friend Jack Benny has only had one ball all his golfing life. And now he's lost it. The string came off!

He was bare chested and in good trim. I said that just looking at him I knew there would always be an England

I made so many B pictures I began to get fan mail from hornets...and for me that was an improvement.

I led such a sheltered life I didn't go out with girls until I was almost four.

The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage.

Television. That's where movies go when they die.

I have too much money invested in sweaters.

If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't come to Vietnam, I'd send for it.

Whenever I play with him , I usually try to make it a foursome - the President, myself, a paramedic and a faith healer.

Pebble Beach is Alcatraz with grass.

Audiences are my best friends. You never tire of talking with your best friends.

President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.

Free speech isn't dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers ...

I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them.

I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur.

Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees.

If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

Welcome to the Academy Awards, or, as it's known at my house, Passover.

All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It's in the lease.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.

The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.

A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.

We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.

English clubs are very exclusive. I played Royal Foxshire and they made me wear a suit and tie ... in the shower.

I like to come to Washington, D.C., at least once a year. Why should my tax money travel more than I do?

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty one.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn't know they had a caddie division.

The firm is really ahead of the times. It has a stock market ticker that prints its report on thin aspirins.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.

If they liked you, they didn't applaud
they let you live.

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.

I can still chase women, only downhill

I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a sand trap. For that I have a caddie.

It's not hard to find Gerry Ford on a golf course - you just follow the wounded.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

I love flying. I've been to almost as many places as my luggage.

We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.

I've got to watch myself these days. It's too exciting watching anyone else.

A few years ago he had a big heart transplant in Chicago, a five-hour operation. It took the doctors four hours to get him on the operating table.

Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He's always had an agent for that.

I knew the President would run for reelection in 1984. Why not? Actors love sequels ... and returns.

I left England when I was four because I found out I could never be King.

My secret for staying young is good food, plenty of rest, and a makeup man with a spray gun.

Failure is the only thing I've ever been a success at.

If my golf game was a prize fight, they'd stop it.

My folks were English ... we were too poor to be British.

You know, marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before.

Now that the war is winding down, I want to say I do appreciate you fellows hanging around here - just for me.

Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned how to dance- waiting for the bathroom.

That's life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.

Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn't hear them.

Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.

Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.

If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.

Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It's going to get us out of the house after dark!

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.

Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure.

YOU CAN ONLY DO ONE THING AT A TIME SO CONCENTRATE ON IT.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don't they just print our money with a return address on it?

I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters.

It's a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he's dead.

Be happy you guys. Be proud! You know what you are: you're God's frozen people.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

I tell jokes to pay my green fees.

I've been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

The only time to believe any kind of rating is when it shows you at the top.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

Go figure a crazy, mixed-up country where ballet outsells boxing. I wouldn't be surprised if their wrestling was on the level.

The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent's handshake.

The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I've been doing that all my life.