Adam Carolla Quotes

Top 100 wise famous quotes and sayings by Adam Carolla

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Adam Carolla quotes: You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave. You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
Adam Carolla quotes: I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican. I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.
Adam Carolla quotes: Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes. Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
Adam Carolla quotes: I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women. I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women.
Adam Carolla quotes: I was a horrible student. I was a horrible student.
Adam Carolla quotes: I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to laugh half the time. I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to laugh half the time.
Adam Carolla quotes: My first car was a motorcycle. My first car was a motorcycle.
Adam Carolla quotes: Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do ... Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do ...
Adam Carolla quotes: They're not vegetarians because they love cows and pigs, it's because they love attention. They're not vegetarians because they love cows and pigs, it's because they love attention.
Adam Carolla quotes: I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances. I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.
Adam Carolla quotes: If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life. If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.
Adam Carolla quotes: Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don't vote that way. Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don't vote that way.
Adam Carolla quotes: If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not. If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not.
Adam Carolla quotes: I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs. I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
Adam Carolla quotes: All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way. All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
Adam Carolla quotes: I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around. I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
Adam Carolla quotes: The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don't have a compelling host then you have nothing. The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don't have a compelling host then you have nothing.
Adam Carolla quotes: Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff. Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
Adam Carolla quotes: I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating. I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
Adam Carolla quotes: I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
Adam Carolla quotes: When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13. When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.
Adam Carolla quotes: You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society. You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.
Adam Carolla quotes: You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it. You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
Adam Carolla quotes: I'm just a normal guy with some good solid common sense who has zero tolerance for those with zero intelligence. I'm just a normal guy with some good solid common sense who has zero tolerance for those with zero intelligence.
Adam Carolla quotes: As a kid, did you think when you grew up you'd be spoken to as if you were still in preschool? When did it become okay to treat adults this As a kid, did you think when you grew up you'd be spoken to as if you were still in preschool? When did it become okay to treat adults this way?
Adam Carolla quotes: Welfare is monetary methadone. Welfare is monetary methadone.
Adam Carolla quotes: Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you. Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
Adam Carolla quotes: Being a depressed hippie is a lose-lose. It would be like if a rice cake had the caloric content of a MoonPie. Being a depressed hippie is a lose-lose. It would be like if a rice cake had the caloric content of a MoonPie.
Adam Carolla quotes: I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings. I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.
Adam Carolla quotes: It's something I've always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing. It's something I've always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.
Adam Carolla quotes: You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting. You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.
Adam Carolla quotes: Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor. Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
Adam Carolla quotes: To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do. To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do.
Adam Carolla quotes: I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary. I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
Adam Carolla quotes: I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind. I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.
Adam Carolla quotes: Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible. Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.
Adam Carolla quotes: I'd never hurt another person. I'd never hurt another person.
Adam Carolla quotes: When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds. When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.
Adam Carolla quotes: The very definition of 'beauty' is outside. The very definition of 'beauty' is outside.
Adam Carolla quotes: By the way, in that same session an ad popped up that said, "Tired of masturbating?" I thought, "Nope. Try me again in about one-hundred-fifty years. By the way, in that same session an ad popped up that said, "Tired of masturbating?" I thought, "Nope. Try me again in about one-hundred-fifty years.
Adam Carolla quotes: When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that. When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
Adam Carolla quotes: People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful. People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful.
Adam Carolla quotes: Figure out what to do, then take a nap. Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
Adam Carolla quotes: Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay. Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.
Adam Carolla quotes: I know everything because I know nothing. I know everything because I know nothing.
Adam Carolla quotes: Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it. Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
Adam Carolla quotes: All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle. All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.
Adam Carolla quotes: Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian. Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.
Adam Carolla quotes: Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes. Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
Adam Carolla quotes: I'm a comedian, not a politician. I'm a comedian, not a politician.
Adam Carolla quotes: You're working-class heroes, even though you don't work. You're working-class heroes, even though you don't work.
Adam Carolla quotes: I don't burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world. I don't burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
Adam Carolla quotes: I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that. I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.
Adam Carolla quotes: I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself. I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
Adam Carolla quotes: We have brains and we have books. We have brains and we have books.
Adam Carolla quotes: I am not a good cue card reader. I am not a good cue card reader.
Adam Carolla quotes: No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear. No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.
Adam Carolla quotes: There are children in Africa that go to bed without a buzz. There are children in Africa that go to bed without a buzz.
Adam Carolla quotes: I think the government is incompetent, not evil. I think the government is incompetent, not evil.