Adam Carolla Quotes

Top 100 wise famous quotes and sayings by Adam Carolla

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Adam Carolla Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Adam Carolla on Wise Famous Quotes.

Adam Carolla quotes: When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy! When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
Adam Carolla quotes: Mmm, tastes like hepatitis! Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
Adam Carolla quotes: Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name? Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
Adam Carolla quotes: Lets not focus on saving a nickel ... lets focus on making a buck. Lets not focus on saving a nickel ... lets focus on making a buck.
Adam Carolla quotes: Here's why guys are smarter than women. We're curious. We want to know shit. Here's why guys are smarter than women. We're curious. We want to know shit.
Adam Carolla quotes: It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything. It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
Adam Carolla quotes: I've always boxed, I always taught boxing. I've always boxed, I always taught boxing.
Adam Carolla quotes: Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays. Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
Adam Carolla quotes: The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing. The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
Adam Carolla quotes: My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars. My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
Adam Carolla quotes: I don't like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend ... I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex. I don't like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend ... I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
Adam Carolla quotes: When you're doing a radio show, you can express yourself. When you're doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
Adam Carolla quotes: Don't do your best, do my best. Don't do your best, do my best.
Adam Carolla quotes: Maybe it's weird, but I don't feel in any way, shape or form that I'm taking over his show. Maybe it's weird, but I don't feel in any way, shape or form that I'm taking over his show.
Adam Carolla quotes: People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity. People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
Adam Carolla quotes: Now the only thing we have on our hands is too much time, and we're turning on ourselves. Now the only thing we have on our hands is too much time, and we're turning on ourselves.
Adam Carolla quotes: You can be an expert on anything if you just use logic. You can be an expert on anything if you just use logic.
Adam Carolla quotes: I've got a great eye for color. I'm like a chick. I've got a great eye for color. I'm like a chick.
Adam Carolla quotes: I don't have dyslexia, I'm just dumb. I don't have dyslexia, I'm just dumb.
Adam Carolla quotes: I'm a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I'm into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars. I'm a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I'm into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.
Adam Carolla quotes: People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on. People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
Adam Carolla quotes: [Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month. [Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
Adam Carolla quotes: No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader. No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.
Adam Carolla quotes: The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were. The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
Adam Carolla quotes: It's like the guy who announces his wife is his best friend. He doesn't mean it; he just does it to make the rest of us look like assholes. It's like the guy who announces his wife is his best friend. He doesn't mean it; he just does it to make the rest of us look like assholes.
Adam Carolla quotes: Screw guilt I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn't bother me. I'm an atheist! Screw guilt
I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn't bother me. I'm an atheist!
Adam Carolla quotes: If the media isn't slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin? If the media isn't slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
Adam Carolla quotes: If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed. If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.
Adam Carolla quotes: I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed. I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
Adam Carolla quotes: Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff. Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff.
Adam Carolla quotes: I don't normally vote. I'm lazy and I never bought into the 'Every vote counts.' I don't normally vote. I'm lazy and I never bought into the 'Every vote counts.'
Adam Carolla quotes: And why do we think for a second that having the government involved will make things better And why do we think for a second that having the government involved will make things better
Adam Carolla quotes: If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course ... Real estate values go 'boom!' If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course ... Real estate values go 'boom!'
Adam Carolla quotes: There are certain things women are better at than men. There are certain things women are better at than men.
Adam Carolla quotes: That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone ... forever? That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone ... forever?
Adam Carolla quotes: We're a morbidly obese rainbow. We're a morbidly obese rainbow.
Adam Carolla quotes: I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much. I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much.
Adam Carolla quotes: What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers. What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
Adam Carolla quotes: The government is a giant corporation with no competition that is constantly trying to keep you off balance so it can siphon more money from you. The government is a giant corporation with no competition that is constantly trying to keep you off balance so it can siphon more money from you.
Adam Carolla quotes: The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It's a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car. The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It's a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.
Adam Carolla quotes: My motto is "more mystery, less history". My motto is "more mystery, less history".
Adam Carolla quotes: I am not a good cue card reader. I am not a good cue card reader.
Adam Carolla quotes: I know everything because I know nothing. I know everything because I know nothing.
Adam Carolla quotes: People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful. People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful.
Adam Carolla quotes: When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that. When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
Adam Carolla quotes: No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear. No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.
Adam Carolla quotes: By the way, in that same session an ad popped up that said, "Tired of masturbating?" I thought, "Nope. Try me again in about one-hundred-fifty years. By the way, in that same session an ad popped up that said, "Tired of masturbating?" I thought, "Nope. Try me again in about one-hundred-fifty years.
Adam Carolla quotes: The very definition of 'beauty' is outside. The very definition of 'beauty' is outside.
Adam Carolla quotes: When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds. When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.
Adam Carolla quotes: There are children in Africa that go to bed without a buzz. There are children in Africa that go to bed without a buzz.
Adam Carolla quotes: I think the government is incompetent, not evil. I think the government is incompetent, not evil.
Adam Carolla quotes: Figure out what to do, then take a nap. Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
Adam Carolla quotes: Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay. Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.
Adam Carolla quotes: Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you. Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
Adam Carolla quotes: We have brains and we have books. We have brains and we have books.
Adam Carolla quotes: I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself. I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
Adam Carolla quotes: Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it. Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
Adam Carolla quotes: I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that. I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.
Adam Carolla quotes: I don't burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world. I don't burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
Adam Carolla quotes: You're working-class heroes, even though you don't work. You're working-class heroes, even though you don't work.
Adam Carolla quotes: All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle. All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.
Adam Carolla quotes: I'm a comedian, not a politician. I'm a comedian, not a politician.
Adam Carolla quotes: Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes. Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
Adam Carolla quotes: Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian. Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.
Adam Carolla quotes: I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances. I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.
Adam Carolla quotes: Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff. Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
Adam Carolla quotes: The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don't have a compelling host then you have nothing. The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don't have a compelling host then you have nothing.
Adam Carolla quotes: I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around. I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
Adam Carolla quotes: All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way. All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
Adam Carolla quotes: I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs. I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
Adam Carolla quotes: If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not. If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not.
Adam Carolla quotes: Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don't vote that way. Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don't vote that way.
Adam Carolla quotes: If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life. If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.
Adam Carolla quotes: I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating. I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
Adam Carolla quotes: They're not vegetarians because they love cows and pigs, it's because they love attention. They're not vegetarians because they love cows and pigs, it's because they love attention.
Adam Carolla quotes: Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do ... Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do ...
Adam Carolla quotes: My first car was a motorcycle. My first car was a motorcycle.
Adam Carolla quotes: I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to laugh half the time. I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to laugh half the time.
Adam Carolla quotes: I was a horrible student. I was a horrible student.
Adam Carolla quotes: I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women. I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women.
Adam Carolla quotes: Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes. Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
Adam Carolla quotes: I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican. I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.
Adam Carolla quotes: Being a depressed hippie is a lose-lose. It would be like if a rice cake had the caloric content of a MoonPie. Being a depressed hippie is a lose-lose. It would be like if a rice cake had the caloric content of a MoonPie.
Adam Carolla quotes: Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible. Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.
Adam Carolla quotes: I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind. I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.
Adam Carolla quotes: I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary. I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.
Adam Carolla quotes: To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do. To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do.
Adam Carolla quotes: Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor. Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
Adam Carolla quotes: You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting. You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.
Adam Carolla quotes: It's something I've always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing. It's something I've always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.
Adam Carolla quotes: I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings. I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.
Adam Carolla quotes: I'd never hurt another person. I'd never hurt another person.
Adam Carolla quotes: You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave. You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
Adam Carolla quotes: Welfare is monetary methadone. Welfare is monetary methadone.
Adam Carolla quotes: As a kid, did you think when you grew up you'd be spoken to as if you were still in preschool? When did it become okay to treat adults this As a kid, did you think when you grew up you'd be spoken to as if you were still in preschool? When did it become okay to treat adults this way?
Adam Carolla quotes: I'm just a normal guy with some good solid common sense who has zero tolerance for those with zero intelligence. I'm just a normal guy with some good solid common sense who has zero tolerance for those with zero intelligence.
Adam Carolla quotes: You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it. You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
Adam Carolla quotes: You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society. You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.
Adam Carolla quotes: When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13. When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.
Adam Carolla quotes: I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.

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