Spike Milligan quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Spike Milligan

Spike Milligan Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Spike Milligan on Wise Famous Quotes.

I told you I was sick.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

There are holes in the sky
Where the rain gets in,
But they're ever so small
That's why rain is thin.

A sure cure for seasickness is to stand underneath a tree.

They're all the rage, Cab Calloway wears one.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.

Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.

Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

(On his gravestone): "I told you I was ill".

I'm a hero wid coward's legs, I'm a hero from the waist up.

Author, author, did you write these legs?( The Milligan- Puckoon

The most difficult book I have ever read was a manual on the use of iron bangles by A.J. Thompson.

Pakistani Dalek: Put him in the cur-ry

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

Aristocrats have heirs, the poor have children, and the rest keep dogs.

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.

God made nightButMan made darkness.

The clock in the church tower said 4.32, as it had done for three hundred years. It was right once a day and that was better than no clock at all.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.

I told you I was ill. (On Millian's headstone)

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

A family man from Siberia
As a father was very inferior
But one operation
Revised the situation
And now he's Mother Superior

Money can't buy you friends, but you do get a better class of enemy.

I have a body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

If you kill me, I promise you - you will never take me alive.

Her mother was a cultivated woman - she was born in a greenhouse

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

I'm a hero with coward's legs.

Professor Milligan will now play his tree! The composition is in A Minor, the tree is in A garden.

Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.

If I don't eat soon, I'll die of hunger; and if I die, I won't eat soon.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.

It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.

Everybody has to be somewhere!

There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee.
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?

Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

A lot of learning canbe a little thing.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

I'm Irish. We think sideways

I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)

Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light

I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.

General: Where are you from? Spike: London. General: Which part? Spike: ... Well, all of me.

My sister Laura's bigger than me
And lifts me up quite easily.
I can't lift her, I've tried and tried;
She must have something heavy inside.

Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

After Puckoon I swore I'd never write another book. This is it

If a robin redbreast in a cage
Puts all heaven in a rage,
How feels heaven when
Dies the billionth battery hen?

We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.

It's all in the mind, you know.

Therec all the rage, Cab Calaway wears one.

With a roof over his head he had ceased to work, living off his [war] pension and his wits, both hopelessly inadequate.

Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.

One day the "Don't Knows" will get in and then where will we be?

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

Patience, thought Milligan, that word was invented by dull buggers who couldn't think quick enough.

Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.

To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don't want you singing at my funeral.

My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!

Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.

In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.

In the human race today, you came last.

A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush

Education isn't everything, for a start it isn't an elephant

We don't have anything planned, so nothing can go wrong.

My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.

R.I.P.
Tom Conlon O'Rourke.
Not Dead, just Sleeping.