Russell Howard quotes: wise famous quotes, sayings and quotations by Russell Howard

Russell Howard Famous Quotes & Sayings

Discover top inspirational quotes from Russell Howard on Wise Famous Quotes.

Russell Howard quotes: 'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!'

'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!'

Russell Howard quotes: What's the opposite of opposite? Consider yourself bamboozled!

What's the opposite of opposite? Consider yourself bamboozled!

Russell Howard quotes: When you're three, you're into custard, and jumping.

When you're three, you're into custard, and jumping.

Russell Howard quotes: I've never said flange to a monkey!

I've never said flange to a monkey!

Russell Howard quotes: Have you ever thought about letting Cheesus into your Life?

Have you ever thought about letting Cheesus into your Life?

Russell Howard quotes: Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'

Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'

Russell Howard quotes: If I were to die of anything vaguely sex-related or had taken Viagra, you just know there'd be headlines of 'Russell How-hard' in the newspapers.

If I were to die of anything vaguely sex-related or had taken Viagra, you just know there'd be headlines of 'Russell How-hard' in the newspapers.

Russell Howard quotes: She's 80 my nan, what do you want for your birthday? "SHREDDER!! GET ME A SHREDDER!!", what do you want a shredder for? "IDENTITY THEFT!!".

She's 80 my nan, what do you want for your birthday? "SHREDDER!! GET ME A SHREDDER!!", what do you want a shredder for? "IDENTITY THEFT!!".

Russell Howard quotes: Unlikely things to see in a Valentine's card - "I may be dyslexic but that doesn't mean I don't vole you."

Unlikely things to see in a Valentine's card - "I may be dyslexic but that doesn't mean I don't vole you."

Russell Howard quotes: I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies in his slippers before I went out. He went mental, but not before he counted

I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies in his slippers before I went out. He went mental, but not before he counted them all.

Russell Howard quotes: Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'

Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'

Russell Howard quotes: The Bible says gays arent natural. What, and a talking snake is?!

The Bible says gays arent natural.
What, and a talking snake is?!

Russell Howard quotes: I like the authentic punk dance you did there. It's like a child dizzy off lemonade

I like the authentic punk dance you did there. It's like a child dizzy off lemonade

Russell Howard quotes: Are you recycling? Are you!? You just killed a polar bear! YOU!

Are you recycling? Are you!? You just killed a polar bear! YOU!

Russell Howard quotes: Some people in England only have their wheelie bins collected once a fortnight. Their suffering is unimaginable.

Some people in England only have their wheelie bins collected once a fortnight. Their suffering is unimaginable.

Russell Howard quotes: I'm the munter of my friends. I've got wonky teeth and a lazy eye. My friend Rob is disgusted I'm a heart-throb.

I'm the munter of my friends. I've got wonky teeth and a lazy eye. My friend Rob is disgusted I'm a heart-throb.

Russell Howard quotes: This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life!

This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life!

Russell Howard quotes: The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with a net.

The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with a net.

Russell Howard quotes: From the makers of Alien vs. Predator: Alien vs. Pingu. K9 - stop humping the toaster!

From the makers of Alien vs. Predator: Alien vs. Pingu. K9 - stop humping the toaster!