Rich Hall Quotes

FOOVIEW (foo' view) n. The ability of a dog to inflict guilt from any angle in the room while he watches his master eat.

Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.

As an American, I'd like to apologize-for everything.

The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have materialized.

The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when it sits in the dish too long.

Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line.

A person who combs his hair over his bald spot, hoping no one will notice.

A hotel mini bar allows you to see what a can of Pepsi will cost in twenty years.

Women say they want a man who knows what a woman's worth. That's a pimp.

Ignisecond, n.: The overlapping moment of time when the hand is locking the car door even as the brain is saying, "my keys are in there!"

The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which covers the floors of movie theaters.

In Montana, a policeman will pull you over because he is lonely.

Manhandling the open here spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the illegal side.

The metallic silver coating found on fast-food game cards.

The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and tortoises).

The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.