You're Not Funny Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about You're Not Funny

You're Not Funny Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational You're Not Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny. — Larry David

Okay okay, hold your people," she told the big horse as she started walking.
"You're not going to starve to death any time soon you know. — Kate Lattey

You're funny, which you can't be if you're not smart. Dad says it's harder to make someone laugh than it is to make them smile. — Cath Crowley

It's funny the things you think you're scared of until they're upon you, and then you're not. — Gayle Forman

You will not kill my girlfriend today, International Terrorists of Ambiguous Nationality! — John Green

White people, you did not get a receipt for niggas, you can not return us! — Katt Williams

I'd love to get into some comedy, but people keep saying, 'You're not funny!' And I say, 'Well, fair enough.' I have done comedy on stage. — Ciaran Hinds

You are not just a funny person or just a journalist. Most people are hybrids of having a smart opinion and a great sense of humor. — Katie Nolan

If you are truly offended by an 80-year-old man saying you're not funny, then you're probably not funny. — Sarah Silverman

You're not exactly up for the Humanitarian of the Year award, so save your altruism for someone who can't see through you like cellophane. — Rebecca McNutt

'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!' — Russell Howard

There are some things you just don't say...not even in a school! — X

I'll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We're not afraid of them. — Sarah Silverman

- and you'll remember, when they ask you your religion, that you're a Cath'lic. Better say Roman Cath'lic, tho' I'm not fond of the word. — Rudyard Kipling

I expect what you're not aware of would fill several books, Dursely. — J.K. Rowling

You Cannot Live as I Have Lived and Not End Up Like This: The Thoroughly Disgraceful Life & Times of Willie Donaldson. — Jay Nordlinger

You're not celibate, then?" I breathe.
Amusement lights up his eyes.
"No, Anastasia, I'm not celibate. — E.L. James

Nix: We're not leaving without her. So unless you want permanent houseguests of the destructive sort, just hand her over. — Kresley Cole

I'm tall and thin but not strong, so you're either an athlete or you're funny. — Keegan-Michael Key

And what have you been up to? she asked.
Oh, I don't know really, I said. Not much. Learning how to be a good loser. — Miriam Toews

You really can't blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They've got all these new toys and they want to know whether they work or not. — Andy Rooney

If I let you go are you going to hit me again?"
"What do you think?"
"Then I'm not going to let you go. — Sarah Mayberry

You think batting your lashes is going to get you out of this?"

"Of course not. You're a married man, detective. — M. Kane

You're going to be trouble, aren't you?"
"Not if you give me everything I want."
"We'll see. — Zoe Forward

I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air. — Marc Maron

You know, albums are a funny thing. They're not like an intellectual decision. It's a collection of your kind of musings. — Glen Hansard

You're chained up." A wince pulled at Safi's eyes. "I upset the Admiral." "Of course you did." "It's not funny. — Susan Dennard

Don't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a mooncalf! Don't be a jabbernowl! You're not those, are you? — W.C. Fields

It's funny when people say you have sex appeal or call you the next Brad Pitt. I just laugh. I'm not that. I don't want to be that. — Kellan Lutz

You're not going to campus. You're going out to get drunk and play with other ladies' boobies. - Kye — Krista Alasti

To people who make moving ads that block the view of websites: Not only will we not buy from you, but we want shrews to eat your liver. — Dave Barry

I used to go in for Disney auditions, and they'd tell me, 'You're cute and nice but just not funny.' — Gattlin Griffith

You're not eating the cheese, Frank says accusingly. And you're fucking my mom, I want to say back. — Lauren Barnholdt

I love the studio audience. That's where I feel the most at home. You know right away if you're being funny or not. — Kaley Cuoco

They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right. — Steven Wright

Writing is a funny thing. It's not like you're working on a schedule. It comes in fits and starts. — Daphne Guinness

When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you're 42-42-42. There's more of you, but you are not worth as much. — Joel Barnett, Baron Barnett

Secret 3963. It's only a sucking chest wound if you're not the shooter. — The Covert Comic

She says you're not awake until you're actually out of bed and standing up. — Richelle Mead

Are you okay?" I (Cassie) call up to him.
"Um. Define okay." (Ben)
"Okay means you're not bleeding to death."
"I'm okay. — Rick Yancey

If you try to be funny, you're not being funny. — John Gordon Sinclair

You're not funny and nobody likes you! — CM Punk

I do think funny is like sexy. You're either funny and sexy, or you're not. — Christine Baranski

Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die. — Jimmy Carr

Cara: *Flies*
Gen: What? I don't have wings!
Cara: Ofcourse not! You're a boy. — Jim Henson

She didn't need to go to acting school to learn that the essence of acting is to act like you're not acting. — George Burns

Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested. — Jerry Seinfeld

What are you assholes looking at?" "Nothing," said Radar. "We're certainly not looking at your eyebrows. — John Green

To his orchestra Stop da music, stop da music! You're supposed to follow da music, not chase it all over da place. — Jimmy Durante

Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not a good actor. — Ellen DeGeneres

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly. — Doug Stanhope

He caught her staring and smiled-not a conceited I-work-out-and-have-a-great-body type smirk, but more of a I'm-a-boy; you're-a-girl; life is good. — Cherise Sinclair

Sophie, honey, stop looking at me like that," Garrett said gruffly. "You'll have me convinced I'm going to die."
"You're not? — Maya Banks

I'm pretty private about my neuroses. You're not neurotic if you talk to yourself - everyone does - you're only neurotic if you hear an answer. — Rachel Weisz

It's funny, as you live through something you're not aware of it. — Maya Lin

Motto for latin countries: If you're not late, you're not on time — Bogdan Vaida

You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding! — Jeff Foxworthy

Ambition is a funny thing. You can completely screw yourself with it if you're not careful. — Simon Le Bon

You know how some people have gay-dar? I have fat-dar. I can automatically tell if you're fat or not. And I also have cerebral-palsy-dar. — Zach Galifianakis

How did you not know they broke up? You usually monitor his social media like he's al-Qaeda and you're the CIA. — Heather Cocks

You named the chicken, Chicken?"
She looked embarrassed. "When we decided not to kill it, I got attached. — Tracey Garvis-Graves

The trick is always to write in pairs because if at least two people find it funny, you've immediately halved the odds of it not being funny. — Steve Coogan

To all the girls out there who think being funny is not sexy, you are wrong! — Chad Michael Murray

Maybe you should make me a list of people I can kill and ways in which they're allowed to die," he said. "You are not funny." "I'm very funny. — Ilona Andrews

Not one word," Kel warned. "Tobe and I have reached an understanding."
Neal's lips twitched. "Why do I feel you did most of the understanding. — Tamora Pierce

Eat your heart out. Oh, wait. You can't. It's not organic. — Susan Elizabeth Phillips

I pat her on the head. "Oh, naive little Kitten. Dear, foolish girl. This cookie is worth all this and more. Sit or you will not partake. — Jenny Han

Ish #1 It's not your mama's macaroni and cheese if you used spaghetti noodles. — Regina Griffin

Funny how someone telling you not to do something can talk you into it. — Richelle Mead

You can't just go gay, its not like buying a ladder. — Noel Fielding

You win, you dirty evil butt-munch. I'll never not let you stay over again. Now let's go back to bed. — Ethan Day

When I tell people I'm a comedian they say, 'Oh, are you funny?' I say, 'No, it's not that kind of comedy.' — Susan Sarandon

Are you . . . lost?"
"Not really," she told him. "We just don't know where we're going. — Joel N. Ross

Sometimes we know people who are
too wonderful for words. I am not one of them.
Or you, for that matter, as you well know. — Michael Hogan

It is funny how you do not miss affection until it is given, but once it is, it can never be enough; you would drown in it if possible. — Libba Bray

About mistakes it's funny. You got to make your own; and not only that, if you try to keep people from making theirs they get mad. — Edna Ferber

You're not a loser. You're almost as smart as me, which makes you one of the smartest people on the planet. — Jules Barnard

You can make fun of yourself and people will laugh at you. If you're smart, you'll end up as a comedian. If you're not, you'll end up as a clown. — Ljupka Cvetanova

You must never imagine, that just because something is funny, it is not also dangerous. — Neil Gaiman

If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!" — Mitch Hedberg

Just because the kid's cute, doesn't mean you're not the father. — Will Smith

You're not worried about being compromised, are you?" he asked. "Because I've already done that. — Lisa Kleypas

If I were you, I'd go and do that. : Vikalp
That's why you're not me! : Yatharth. — Shubham Choudhary

My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you're kidding? ... Noooo ... as funny as that is, I'm not — Ellen DeGeneres

If you can't laugh at yourself, maybe you're not funny — Benny Bellamacina

Often it's not we who shape words, but the words we use that shape us." "You're a funny bookseller, you — Nina George

You see, we're America the Beautiful, not "America Well At Least She Has A Great Personality". — Stephen Colbert

So does that mean if you won't fuck me because I'm high, I could fuck you because you're not? — K.A. Mitchell

You can't tell me the success of Kevin Bacon isn't somehow tied to his name. You're not going out to see a Kevin Hot-Dog movie. — Jim Gaffigan

Two fat ladies, 88! Not that you'd find these ladies at a bingo hall, of course ... they're altogether a higher class of fat lady. — Steve Coogan

Peyton, I'm not married and you're not a lesbian. Think of the possibilities. — Robyn Carr

Sex when you're married is like going to the 7-Eleven: There's not much variety, but at three in the morning, it's always there. — Carol Leifer

Back from where? you're not going out again and leaving me here are you?? Holy Hercules I sound like somebody's wife — Ruth Downie

So, deadpan I think just means not acknowledging for one second that you think that this is funny and clever. — Patrick Warburton

Funny thing how when you reach out, people tend to reach right back. Best, then, to make sure your hand is open and not fisted. — Richelle E. Goodrich

The thing about being a screenwriter, scriptwriter, scenarist, You get to have multiple personalities and not be charged. — Andrea L'Artiste

Yes, I believe blue material is funny, but if that's all you've got, you're dead in the water. It's not good. — Howard Stern

To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I'm just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again. — Bill Burr

Funny how you can measure time by pets that were not even your own. — Lori Lansens

Not everything is funny or will make you laugh...but what a worthy goal to have. — Bobby Darnell