Tom Lehrer Quotes: top 70 famous quotes about Tom Lehrer

Tom Lehrer Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Tom Lehrer quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Think as you work, for in the final analysis, your worth to your company comes not only in solving problems, but also in anticipating them. — Tom Lehrer

When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex. — Tom Lehrer

Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way. — Tom Lehrer

Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics/ And the Catholics hate the Protestants/ And the Hindus hate the Muslims/ And everybody hates the Jews. — Tom Lehrer

If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here — Tom Lehrer

I like Jon Stewart. He's not as obnoxious as Dennis Miller, whom I really can't stand. — Tom Lehrer

Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play? — Tom Lehrer

When correctly viewed, everything is lewd. — Tom Lehrer

Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under oath I ever said it. — Tom Lehrer

If you asked me to write a rock song or a rap song, I couldn't do it because they're not in my fingers. — Tom Lehrer

It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead for a year. — Tom Lehrer

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years. — Tom Lehrer

I think the people who say we need satire often mean, 'We need satire of them, not of us. — Tom Lehrer

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! — Tom Lehrer

We are the folk song army, every one of us cares. We all hate poverty, war, and injustice unlike the rest of you squares. — Tom Lehrer

And although I'm all for freedom of expression and against censorship, there are certain things I'm not willing to go to jail for. — Tom Lehrer

Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy. — Tom Lehrer

Everything is so weird in politics that it's very hard to be funny about it, I think. — Tom Lehrer

I loved high school, but I wouldn't want to do it again. — Tom Lehrer

I ache for the touch of your lips dear, but much more for the touch of your whips dear. — Tom Lehrer

You can't be satirical and not be offensive to somebody. — Tom Lehrer

I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity. — Tom Lehrer

Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it. — Tom Lehrer

There's ten stuffed heads in my trophy room right now, two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow. — Tom Lehrer

If a person feels he can't communicate, the least he can do is shut up about it. — Tom Lehrer

The poor folks hate the rich folks, and the rich folks hate the poor folks. All of my folks hate all of your folks, it's American as apple pie. — Tom Lehrer

San Francisco is a city of twenty-something millionaire white kids named Doug. — Tom Lehrer

The audience usually has to be with you, I'm afraid. I always regarded myself as not even preaching to the converted, I was titillating the converted. — Tom Lehrer

When you're in a public profession like I was, and you stop doing it like I did, people think you're either crazy or dead. — Tom Lehrer

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away. — Tom Lehrer

Counting in octal is just likst counting in decimal
if you don't use your thumbs. — Tom Lehrer

I'm not interested in promoting myself or revealing to total strangers anything about me. That's not my job. — Tom Lehrer

I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up. — Tom Lehrer

Irreverence is easy - what's hard is wit. — Tom Lehrer

Base eight is just like base ten really, if you're missing two fingers. — Tom Lehrer

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up. — Tom Lehrer

Step up and shake the hand Of someone you can't stand, You can tolerate him if you try! — Tom Lehrer

Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air! — Tom Lehrer

They love us everywhere we go. So when in doubt, send the Marines. — Tom Lehrer

Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal, if you don't use your . — Tom Lehrer

I think that if people are having trouble communicating with one
another, the least they can do is SHUT UP. — Tom Lehrer

People are stupider than anybody. — Tom Lehrer

Hark, the Herald Tribune sings, Advertising wondrous things! — Tom Lehrer

Bad weather always looks worse through a window. — Tom Lehrer

I have always found it interesting ... that there are people who regard copyright infringement as a form of flattery. — Tom Lehrer

You can raise welts like nobody else, as we dance to the Masochism Tango. — Tom Lehrer

Life is like a sewer - you get out of it what you put into it. — Tom Lehrer

An actress must never lose her ego - without it she has no talent. — Tom Lehrer

Be prepared, and be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you. — Tom Lehrer

The reason most folksongs are so atrocious is that they were written by the people. — Tom Lehrer

Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh. — Tom Lehrer

When I was in college, there were certain words you couldn't say in front of a girl. Now you can say them, but you can't say 'girl.' — Tom Lehrer

I wasn't really a performer by temperament. — Tom Lehrer

But in the new (math) approach, the important thing is to understand what you're doing, rather than to get the right answer. — Tom Lehrer

In one word he told me the secret of success in mathematics: plagiarize; only be sure always to call it ... research. — Tom Lehrer

Be it ever so decadent, there's no place like home. — Tom Lehrer

For there is surely nothing more beautiful in this world than the sight of a lone man facing single-handedly a half a ton of angry pot roast! — Tom Lehrer

Don't solicit for your sister, it's not nice. Unless you get a good percentage of her price. — Tom Lehrer

So long, Mom I'm off to drop the bomb So don't wait up for me But while you swelter Down there in your shelter You can see me On your TV — Tom Lehrer

People would go anywhere to see a famous person in the flesh, no matter what they do. — Tom Lehrer

In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl; now you can't say 'girl.' — Tom Lehrer

If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will. — Tom Lehrer

Life is like a sewer: what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. — Tom Lehrer

I don't have the temperament of a performer, and I certainly couldn't do it every night. — Tom Lehrer

I'm very proud of myself on my, whatever the literacy is, I'm pretentious, totally pretentious. I like to say 'hmm', for example. — Tom Lehrer

The Lord's our shepherd, says the psalm. But just in case, we better get a bomb. — Tom Lehrer

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer. — Tom Lehrer

Always predict the worst, and you'll be hailed as a prophet. — Tom Lehrer

Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. — Tom Lehrer

Don't write naughty words on the wall if you can't spell! — Tom Lehrer