The Funny Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about The Funny
The Funny Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational The Funny quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
We all flinched as Ray flipped the breaker back on, but my laboratory again failed to erupt in flames. It must be a mad scientist record.
— Richard Roberts
I look crazy, but I'm not. And the funny thing is, that other people don't look crazy, but they are.
— Eden Ahbez
Hide your gold, your faith and the reason of you journey.
— Eduard Heine
For the hackneyed art of lying without injury to anyone, Rushbrook, to his shame, was proficient.
— Elizabeth Inchbald
I think I got a lot of my 'funny' DNA from my mother, who had a glorious sense of the ridiculous.
— Christopher Buckley
I like to smoke a pipe, because it's the punch line indicator. Whenever I take a hit of the pipe, you should be laughing.
— Mitch Hedberg
One does not simply ring Roland.Oh boy. I supposed I would get a lecture on the dangers of wandering into Mordor next. — Ilona Andrews
It's funny, because readers think they want the characters to be blissfully happy, but it makes it kind of boring for the reader.
— L.A. Weatherly
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong, somebody's heart is broken, and it becomes your favorite song.
— Dave Matthews Band
Finn gave a soft laugh. 'What's so funny?' 'I think you're the first person to actually apologise for inflicting pain. Usually it's someone's hobby.
— Tabitha McGowan
The suspense is terrible. I hope it'll last.
— Gene Wilder
Do try The House by fresh new author, Susannah Mansfield, it's funny, sad and very different, you'll love the characters and the stories.
— Susannah Mansfield
And there's no damage to the car. Except to the car itself.
— Murray Walker
When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."
— Franklyn Ajaye
Jesus Alou is in the on-deck circus.
— Jerry Coleman
The people from 'The State' are close friends, but also some of the most incredibly funny people I know.
— Joe Lo Truglio
Cats can be very funny, and have the oddest ways of showing they're glad to see you ...
— W. H. Auden
As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.
— Frankie Boyle
We're like the couple on the sitcom that has good sparks but never get together for the sake of ratings.
— Aimee Bender
Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
— Steven Wright
The funny part about Islam is; even if you rape a woman, it would be considered as her fault.
— M.F. Moonzajer
Never join with your friend when he abuses his horse or his wife, unless the one is about to be sold, the other to be buried.
— Charles Caleb Colton
The only real significance she had attached to the memory was that it was funny what stuck with you.
— David Foster Wallace
I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."
— Tim Vine
Culver is a language magnet school. What it's mainly a magnet for, if you want to know the truth, is nerds.
— Dave Barry
A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard."
— Frank Carson
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
— Caskie Stinnett
Oh, sod off, I'm calling the Police." Another series of banging on the door. "Open up, Police." That was quick.
— Simon Dunn
Learn from the masters, learn from your contemporaries. Always try to update yourself.
— James Stewart
I have the street smarts and survival skills of, like, a poodle.
— Jennifer Lawrence
It was funny, in a twisted sort of way, that night I gained my future was the same night I lost my past.
— Kelley R. Martin
I guess the only thing to do now is meet his parents. I'm sure they're decent people. I mean they gotta be if they named their son Gaylord Focker.
— Robert De Niro
It's funny. I did give birth to an alien on 'The X-Files.' And it's just the teaser, so I'm dead before we even get into the episode.
— Megan Follows
The funny thing is, the girls that I'm always up against for roles are pretty nice and cool, like Emma Watson. She's awesome.
— Amanda Seyfried
Usually I'm on top to keep the guy from escaping.
— Lisa Lampanelli
Imogene always sitson the remote. It's probably wedged between her butt cheeks."
"Should I go get a crowbar? — Kirsten Miller
The funny thing about me is I move from genre to genre, but I essentially shoot all the movies the same way.
— James Mangold
The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving me crazy.
— Harriet Morgan
Like the NRA says, it's better to have a machine gun and not need it than to need a machine gun and not have it.
— John Sandford
A man who views the world the same ...
— Muhammad Ali
As fathers commonly go, it is seldom a misfortune to be fatherless; and considering the general run of sons, as seldom a misfortune to be childless.
— Lord Chesterfield
I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman.
— Craig Ferguson
Penard's got a secret baby!' Fifteen-year-old Richard twisted his lips up at one end. 'Maybe he has a secret wife in the attic!
— Olivia Newport
The strongest should come first in comedy because once a character is really established as funny everything he does is funny.
— F Scott Fitzgerald
Was that suit made to order? Where were you at the time?
— Henny Youngman
Blankets make great traps for the clinically insane, but a straightjacket might work better.
— Nicole McKay
It's off the leg and into the left field of Doug Rader.
— Jerry Coleman
Happiness to a dog is what lies on the other side of the door.
— Charlton Ogburn
Keep the other person's well being in mind when you feel an attack of soul-purging truth coming on.
— Betty White
Faith is Hope on a treadmill. Love is the reason we stay on.
— Solange Nicole
The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.
— Josh Billings
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
— Robin Williams
In the silence, the bear died. It was a cute death, with funny music.
— Orson Scott Card
The ballgame is over ... in this inning.
— Jerry Coleman
I had a dream about you last night. We watched pornography together, but purely for the storyline.
— Michael Summers
He runs to the sink to spit it out. I grin. There's nothing quite as funny as someone else's misery.
— Holly Black
Moving on was going to require leaving the woods and getting a friend set that didn't have gray hairs, hip replacements and a few false teeth.
— Rebecca Brooks
You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm.It's really funny. — Brandon Sanderson
Mitt Romney had a horse competing in the Olympics. He didn't win. But next year, he'll be competing in 'Dancing with the Stars.'
— David Letterman
Luck is merely a product of the happily delusional mind.
— Lois Greiman
The cat is, above all things, a dramatist.
— Margaret Benson
I enlarge the photo again. Nope, too blurry
— Marie Lu
That's the only dog I know who can smell someone just thinking about food.
— Charles M. Schulz
Ugly truths are the biggest source of indigestion in humans.
— Raheel Farooq
It's so funny to think that I used to be a model and here I am doing arbitrage, shipping and negotiating margins, the list is endless.
— Caprice Bourret
Even though I dislike being kicked by others, I do enjoy the feeling of kicking others
— Yana Toboso
The body's a funny thing. It's so full of surprises that it makes conventional wisdom seem silly.
— Pat Conroy
Do you think pandas know they're Chinese and they're taking the one child policy a bit too seriously?
— Jim Jefferies
Get in my way again, boy, and you're going to learn that Velkan isn't the only one in this family who has fangs. Retta to Viktor
— Sherrilyn Kenyon
Chomsky is a pencil-and-paper theoretician who wouldn't know Jabba the Hutt from the Cookie Monster,
— Steven Pinker
It's funny; Luther and I have written many songs together, but we've never written songs in the same room.
— Richard Marx
There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.
— Jean Baudrillard
