T-rex Joke Quotes

Stereotypically speaking feminists can't take a joke. ::audience boo:: See? — Louis C.K.

It ain't no joke when you lose your vinyl. — Afrika Bambaataa

I have a roommate, and I signed a year lease. I screwed up! That's like I wrote a joke that didn't work, but now I have to tell it for a year. — Mitch Hedberg

It doesn't feel like you're preaching, if you can say something in a joke. — Martin McDonagh

If sex isn't a joke, what is it? — Nella Larsen

As the joke goes, you don't have to be faster than the wolf chasing you, just faster than everyone else running away. — Kim Harrison

Everything about life is a joke. Don't you know that? — Kurt Vonnegut

I have always noticed that deeply and truly religious persons are fond of a joke, and I am suspicious of those who aren't. — Alfred North Whitehead

I was going to start off tonight with an Obama joke, but I
don't want to get audited by the IRS. — Jay Leno

A true Englishman doesn't joke when he is talking about so serious a thing as a wager. — Jules Verne

Look here', he said, frowning, 'You shouldn't joke about matters related to food. — Ambai

It started out as kind of a joke, and then it wasn't funny anymore because money became involved. Deep down, nothing about money is funny. — Charles Willeford

Comedy Central made me delete the Boston Marathon joke. I wasn't happy about it but, despite popular belief, I can occasionally be a team player. — Anthony Jeselnik

Sometimes I joke around that if I weren't a musician, I would be a power lifter. I don't think people expect it from me because I'm little. — Mirah

This was another fossil of a joke. I couldn't remember where it'd come from, I had a horrible feeling it might have been me. — Alexis Hall

Sex is God's joke on the human race ... if we didn't have sex to make us ridiculous, She would have had to think up something else instead. — Erica Jong

My point is, I went crazy. When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was. I went crazy as a coot! I admit it! Why can't you? — Alan Moore

Dick Martin, if you put a gun to his forehead, he couldn't tell you a joke. — Bob Newhart

We need to get rid of the Federal Elections Commission. It's a joke. It doesn't enforce the law. — Russ Feingold

Sometimes a joke that doesn't work just needs a breath or a little word or the tiniest little change to be fixed. — Sarah Silverman

Is anything wrong, dear? the old joke went.
No, why?
You moved.
Just don't move. — Margaret Atwood

I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke. — Spike Milligan

I know that's not the right accent, but I can't do the right accent. It's either the wrong accent or another Octomom joke. — Craig Ferguson

Ain't nothing too serious. Even death is a joke on the old devil, if we are living for the Lord. — Nancy B. Brewer

Existentialists are monumentally and monotonously serious; they don't like to joke. — Wislawa Szymborska

Too many lives go up in smoke - It's nice to laugh but don't be the joke. — Janet Jackson

You can't just explain a joke. Either it isn't funny, or the person just totally missed the punchline. — Cass McCombs

Sometimes I want to joke but my English isn't perfect. Sometimes people are wondering what I'm talking about. — Alexander Ovechkin

Don't have every dialog go in a straight line to solve the problem. Let your characters argue, be sarcastic, disagree or joke around. — Dan Alatorre

People don't buy a new detergent because the manufacturer told a joke on television last night. — David Ogilvy

He was saying that the end of the world wasn't an accident; it was a joke. — Holly Black

Don't make a film if it can't be the film you want to make. It's a joke, and a sick joke, and it'll kill you. — David Lynch

The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet. — Oliver Herford

The simile has to match the tone of its surroundings and has to be like a little joke. Writing a simile that isn't funny on some level is quite hard. — Ned Beauman

There's things that I couldn't joke about but other people could. — Jimmy Carr

When I become the village idiot, or at least, it starts to become a joke, you can't do that much longer. — Joan Van Ark

I always joke around with my parents and say that if Hollywood doesn't work out I'll go to Broadway! — Claudia Lee

A professional writer is a joke. You write because you can't do anything else, and then you have another job. — Jamaica Kincaid

Over the past 50 years Bob Hope employed 88 joke writers who supplied him with more than one million gags, and he still couldn't make me laugh. — Eddie Murphy

I like a woman who will laugh when you don't have to point her right at the joke, you know — Stephen King

Don't mourn me", he said. Because it was a joke, a sick joke and because - at the end - he needed a little dark humour to sustain him. — Stephen Lloyd Jones

If you can't make a joke at a time like this, what's the point of living? — Chloe Neill

I was really gifted at being able to construct a joke, but it's like they weren't even memorable, my first jokes, because they were so about nothing. — Wanda Sykes

A good joke doesn't necessarily need appreciation from others. One can freely laugh at one's own deserving jokes. — Pawan Mishra

People who don't like cats haven't been around them. There's the old joke: dogs have masters, cats have staff. — Betty White

If you can't afford housing then the right to vote is a bad joke. — Kim Stanley Robinson

You might like it as a joke or because you liked it then, but there isn't a whole new generation discovering Wham!. — Rob Zombie

I tell stories. Because I believe you can do things that joke tellers can't do, and that is, bring your audience along. — Bill Cosby

You only get one chance at life, not two! Don't joke around with your own life. — Dohee

There are certain things I don't want to joke about. If it's about somebody else, it's fine. If it's about me, I think it's totally insensitive! — Gilbert Gottfried

Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck. -NATALIE — Kresley Cole

Being an author sucks, doesn't it? It's like telling a joke and nobody laughs for two years. — Scott Westerfeld

I don't mind being the brunt of a joke, so long as it's a good one. — Joey McIntyre

It's just that I was thinking you don't ride in that truck of yours, you wear it. — Stephen King

I snicker at my joke. Dude, if ya can't crack yourself up, ain't never gonna crack anybody else up. — Karen Marie Moning

I've been joking that 'On the Road' is the prequel to 'The Road.' I don't know if that's a very good joke. — Kodi Smit-McPhee

What's cool about Twitter is that you can make a joke about something very of-the-moment or random that I wouldn't be able to joke about in stand-up. — Aziz Ansari

Sometimes she talked like a poet; she made a little joke of it, so that you wouldn't mind. — Joan D. Vinge

We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don't have to defend anything. — Stephen Colbert

I used to joke that if acting didn't work out, poetry was my commonsense fallback. — Merritt Wever

The joke was that Ceres didn't have laws - it had police. — James S.A. Corey

I'll be the first to admit it, the life I'm leading is basically a joke. I should probably be cooler about it, but I can't fake it, you know? — Andy Roddick

I can't imagine saying the same joke for three hours. I don't know how that would work. — Daniela Bobadilla

I think that all filth is local ... and that a joke isn't a joke unless it's at somebody's expense — Christopher Hitchens

I laugh and joke, but I don't get distracted very easily. — LeBron James

Ain't singing for Pepsi, ain't singing for Coke, I don't sing for nobody, makes me look like a joke. — Neil Young

I don't like jokes in speeches. I do like wit and humor. A joke is to humor what pornography is to erotic language in a good novel. — James C. Humes

You're joking, Perce! You are actually joking, Percy ... I don't think I've heard you joke since you were- — J.K. Rowling

Now, why would a dead girl lie?
Hey! That sounds like a joke. Why would a dead girl lie? Answer: Because she can't stand up. — Jay Asher

In my stories I kill off every love scene with a joke. Don't try this at home. — Shelley Malec Vitale

We all joke about Congress but we can't improve on them. Have you noticed that no matter who we elect, he is just as bad as the one he replaces? — Will Rogers

Sometimes, the universe just does what the universe wants to do, and screw you if you can't take a joke. I — Elliott James

Mahlke couldn't joke. He sometimes tried. But everything he did, touched or said, became solemn, significant, monumental; — Gunter Grass

I just do my act. If people in England don't get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it. — Bill Burr

[When] you're dying laughing because your three-year-old made a fart joke, it doesn't matter what else is going on. That's real happiness. — Gwyneth Paltrow

Everyone is a comedy. If people are laughing at you, they just don't quite understand the joke that is themselves. — Matt Haig

Most of my comedy is accidental, I would say. If I don't know what the joke is, I'm going to play it better than if I do. — Aya Cash

I love practical jokes and humor. That there's frankly no joke that I don't think is funny. I love practical jokes, but I don't like being scared. — Mitt Romney

This is fun, Matty, isn't it? Cocktail hour is intoxicating." "It is." "I made a little joke there." - Celeste. — Jessica Park

I joke that a person of color would never make a movie like 'Midnight in Paris.' Nostalgia isn't so enticing. — Meshell Ndegeocello

If you can't laugh at your life, then your life is a punchline in a bad joke. — Andrew Barger

Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's. — Jonathan Tropper

I found, especially with stand-up, that if a premise works, you can make the joke work. If a premise doesn't work, you can't force it to. — Nick Kroll

If you can't take a joke, you shouldn't have joined. — Karen Traviss

We didn't choose the joke because it's filthy! We chose it because of the structure! — Paul Provenza

Conversation of the Day -
He: How do you describe yourself in two words?
Me: You don't. — Sanhita Baruah

I never stopped joking around long enough to realize you weren't laughing anymore. — Alexandra Potter

She said she wasn't afraid of Satan, in fact, she thought he was a joke. She said she'd tear his tail off and run her fist down his throat. — John Mellencamp

Hey, that's life, flick it off if you can't take a joke. — Neil Gaiman

Because friendship is about laughing when the other person is joking to make you feel better. Even if you don't find her joke all that funny. — Padma Venkatraman

I still wouldn't be able to control myself around him, and I'm math geek enough to know that equation doesn't work out. — Robin Brande

It's easy to joke when you don't care any more. I'm not saying it didn't hurt me, because it did. — Nicholas Sparks

I can't write a joke. I could never write. I do a lot of stories and I call them stories, but they're just comedy recitals on a given subject. — Ron Shock

I want my tombstone to read: If this is a joke, I don't get it. — David Brenner

I intend to buy 'The New York Times.' Please don't take it as a joke. — Chen Guangbiao

Catering on planes, like on British Rail, is a standing joke, but I don't really have a problem with it. I don't quite know what people expect. — Phil Collins

I didn't just want to be Frank's daughter who sang Boots. I take my music very seriously and studied very hard. It's not a joke to me. — Nancy Sinatra

You can't draw lines in the sand like that. Humour's a tsunami that doesn't care about your little lines. — S.A. Tawks

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. — Oscar Wilde

A novel wouldn't be a book if there weren't some flights of fancy on the part of the author, stopping time to examine things, or to tell a joke. — Ned Vizzini