Shandling Quotes: top 49 famous quotes about Shandling

Shandling Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Shandling quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Nobody can write better jokes putting me down than me. — Garry Shandling

I had no idea who I was when I started. I was frightened to death and had no natural performing skills. — Garry Shandling

I practice safe sex - I use an airbag. — Garry Shandling

When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman. — Garry Shandling

My dog watches me on TV. So, if I may take this opportunity, "No! No! No!" — Garry Shandling

I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over. — Garry Shandling

Dr. Phil is hiding something. Otherwise, why wouldn't he use his last name? — Garry Shandling

I am interested in how human beings react to crisis and conflict. — Garry Shandling

I'm good in bed, actually, and I think I could learn to be a good communicator, too. The only trouble with that is it leads to marriage. — Garry Shandling

The comic strip is what I looked at, and it's another reason I did it. The comic strip, where animals would comment on human behaviour, interested me. — Garry Shandling

I keep my scrapbooks in the car. When I come to a stoplight, I start looking through my past. Sometimes I wish the red lights were longer. — Garry Shandling

I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot of Eastern philosophy and I meditate. — Garry Shandling

I feel that everything I do in my life I can do in a shorter time than most men can. It's the quality, not the quantity. — Garry Shandling

In the year 2525, that song will be even less popular than when it first came out. — Garry Shandling

After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?" And she said, "I don't think this was good for anybody." — Garry Shandling

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive. — Garry Shandling

Everyone at a party is uncomfortable. Knowing that makes me more comfortable. — Garry Shandling

Some people think the world will end in 2012. I think we've got until 2014. I'm an optimist. — Garry Shandling

I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it. — Garry Shandling

I think I look great in green, and I'm going to start wearing more green. — Garry Shandling

My first appearance as a guest on The Tonight Show was in '81. — Garry Shandling

I've been on a state of high alert since high school. I didn't need 9/11 to remind me that we live on a ball of flame. — Garry Shandling

I like to talk on the cell when I do interviews. That way, I double my chances of getting brain cancer: from the cell phone, and from the questions. — Garry Shandling

I have such poor vision I can date anybody. — Garry Shandling

I enjoy 'The Apprentice' and the one that's called 'Take My Life' and the other one called 'Stop Hitting Me.' — Garry Shandling

They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style. — Garry Shandling

Nice guys finish first. If you don't know that, then you don't know where the finish line is. — Garry Shandling

Oysters are supposed to enhance your sexual performance, but they don't work for me. Maybe I put them on too soon. — Garry Shandling

When I don't have a good time, it's usually because there's a stiffness that stifles creativity. — Garry Shandling

I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell — Garry Shandling

First of all, I'm not the kind of guy that likes to rehash the show and so forth and so on. — Garry Shandling

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead. — Garry Shandling

I like going into nature and that's where I'm happiest. — Garry Shandling

I've always felt that the truth is in the silence. — Garry Shandling

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me. — Garry Shandling

I'm very loyal in relationships. Even when I go out with my mom I don't look at other moms. — Garry Shandling

I'd like to do more acting. — Garry Shandling

I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much. — Garry Shandling

It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside. — Garry Shandling

Yes, I'm a nice man and I enjoy babies. I'm a sensitive guy. I held a baby the other day and it was the first time either of us cried. — Garry Shandling

I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know. — Gary Shandling

Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders. — Garry Shandling

I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present. — Garry Shandling

There's a good chance that if you're talking to me when I'm snoring, it means I'm bored. — Garry Shandling

Was the Buddha married? His wife would say, "Are you just going to sit around like that all day?" — Garry Shandling

Men who betray women also betray other men. Women shouldn't feel so special. — Garry Shandling

Dogs are not people. Be leery of any woman who refers to her dogs as her 'kids,' because you'll only end up paying for their schooling. — Garry Shandling

It takes me so long to get tired of a man. It's women that are the problem. Don't get me wrong. I think men have their problems just as much as women. — Garry Shandling

I am pretty tenacious as a perfectionist in terms of getting something right. — Garry Shandling