Rodney Dangerfield Best Quotes
Collection of top 36 famous quotes about Rodney Dangerfield Best
Rodney Dangerfield Best Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Rodney Dangerfield Best quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
They change the sheets every day ... from one bed to another.
— Rodney Dangerfield
When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me ... and no one showed up.
— Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark ...
— Rodney Dangerfield
I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
— Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
— Rodney Dangerfield
You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
— Rodney Dangerfield
When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!
— Rodney Dangerfield
What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
— Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
— Rodney Dangerfield
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
— Rodney Dangerfield
I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.
— Rodney Dangerfield
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
— Rodney Dangerfield
She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
— Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
— Rodney Dangerfield
My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
— Rodney Dangerfield
We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
— Rodney Dangerfield
With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
— Rodney Dangerfield
One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
— Rodney Dangerfield
Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.
— Rodney Dangerfield
It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.
— Rodney Dangerfield
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
— Rodney Dangerfield
Man, who don't like spaghetti?
— Rodney Dangerfield
Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel.
— Rodney Dangerfield
It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
— Rodney Dangerfield
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
— Rodney Dangerfield
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
— Rodney Dangerfield
My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
— Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
— Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
— Rodney Dangerfield
Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.
— Rodney Dangerfield
I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
— Rodney Dangerfield
I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu ... she bid me a don't.
— Rodney Dangerfield
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
— Rodney Dangerfield
What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
— Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
— Rodney Dangerfield