Jokes And Jokes Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about Jokes And Jokes

Jokes And Jokes Quotes & Sayings

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I don't think there would be many jokes, if there weren't constant frustration and fear and so forth. It's a response to bad troubles like crime. — Kurt Vonnegut

A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes. — Ludwig Wittgenstein

I learned to think about religion, race and sex through the complex and often unattractive medium of jokes. — Andrew Hudgins

I have always loved really dense, complicated stories with lots of layers, tons of obscure literary references, and a plethora of inside jokes. — Alethea Kontis

I used to take someone with me for the chemotherapy so I could do jokes. You always try and find something absurd. — Jennifer Saunders

They're in trouble, Kaz had thought. Or you were dead wrong about Matthias, and you're about to pay for all of those talking tree jokes. — Leigh Bardugo

The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful. — Kurt Vonnegut

I start with the joke line and write backward. — Nipsey Russell

There is laughter, shrill calls. Everyone is flirting, saying in nudges and jokes and blushing what they would do in private. — Jesmyn Ward

Why has my motley diary no jokes? Because it is a soliloquy and every man is grave alone. — Ralph Waldo Emerson

That sun is lookin' good ... and hot! Get it? Hilarious! My joke writers are awesome. — Tom Bergeron

Existentialists are monumentally and monotonously serious; they don't like to joke. — Wislawa Szymborska

I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway. — Michael Summers

I have jokes I've told before and will tell again, but my favorite part of the night is talking to the crowd. — Paula Poundstone

You start out wanting to change the world through language, and end up thinking it's enough to tell a few good jokes. — David Nicholls

I played the tour in 1967 and told jokes and nobody laughed. Then I won the Open the next year, told the same jokes, and everybody laughed like hell. — Lee Trevino

With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke. — Will Rogers

Some jokes are stupid and useless, if you can't get it. It's to stupid to go in it, but whatever!
- Make your choice! — Deyth Banger

I hate those movies where hundreds of people get blown up and there are jokes afterward. They poison the soul. — Rob Reiner

I started doing pot jokes, and I noticed that audiences invariably love pot jokes. Even people who don't smoke pot think it's a funny subject. — Doug Benson

I wanted to be funny. And I'm always acknowledged for my pranks and jokes nowadays. — Steve Wozniak

And what exactly is a dream and what exactly is a joke. — Syd Barrett

On Anzac Day, coffee and jokes with a Turk might be the most meaningful and fair dinkum dawn service you could possibly have. — Michael Leunig

Whites and Indians laughed at most of the same jokes, but they laughed for different reasons. — Sherman Alexie

A man's sexual organ is penis and woman's sexual organ is brains. — DK Publishing

And whereas Kenny was being guided toward his Vision by a Holy Person, I had Courtney on my side, armed with a litany of big dick jokes. (Shanna) — Paul Lonardo

I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake. — Jimmy Carr

I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.' — Steven Wright

You throw a perfectly straight line at the audience and then, right at the end, you curve it. Good jokes do that. — Abe Burrows

bartender walks into a church, a temple and a mosque. He has no idea how jokes — Various

I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh. — Kathy Griffin

I've never written jokes. I mean, I'll write things on a piece of paper and riff on them onstage. — David Cross

Q. How many docents does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two. One to remove the old lightbulb and the other to tell the story behind it. — Ron Brackin

I'm a fun person. I like cracking jokes and being completely nerdy. — Helena Christensen

I just wanted to be in show biz. I wanted to make music and sing and dance, tell jokes and stories, make ya smile, make ya cry - and charge you $ 8.50 — David Lee Roth

Bad jokes and gay marriage are destroying this country. But torture can save it. — Jon Stewart

I'm here to make people laugh and help them forget their troubles, too! So I just try to bring heart and bring jokes! — Matthew Moy

I don't laugh so much at jokes and premises as I do at a guy who goes onstage and starts twitching and acting funny. — Harland Williams

I still feel threatened by academics, but my books have a lot of academic in-jokes and everybody assumes I went to university and studied English. — Jasper Fforde

What gets me, Varinka, is not really the lack of money but all those little troubles life is full of, all whispering, all those jeers and jokes. — Fyodor Dostoyevsky

I consider myself always a humorist. And I think anybody who tells jokes or makes people laugh is humor. — Dick Gregory

I dance the hardest, laugh the hardest at my own jokes, and make casual reference to my vagina, like it's a car or a chest of drawers. — Lena Dunham

I could never make a joke about somebody unless I could say it to their face and they'd laugh. — Margaret Cho

Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at. — Steven Wright

Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The shouting and opinion and jokes don't exist if there isn't first a story. — Jim Lehrer

But some jokes are hilarious until they become true and they're not so funny anymore. — Jonathan Dunne

If I could email my jokes to the crowd and get the same immediate response [as during stand-up], I'd do that. — W. Kamau Bell

I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math. — Tina Fey

When I make a book, I make it for the child and not for the parent - no jokes in it for the parents! — Dick Bruna

Somewhere between the smiles, the laughing, the fights about nothing, and all our jokes, I fell in love. — Dawn Williams

I did a show called 'What A Country,' with Yakov Smirnoff and Don Knotts. I used to write jokes for Yakov's stand-up act. — Mike Scully

When you are in a room and your job is to write jokes 10 hours a day, your mind starts going to strange places. — Seth MacFarlane

I'm a plethora of stolen jokes and kitschy references. — Nathan Fillion

Jokes are hilarious only when you take them unreal and dreamlike, otherwise it becomes painful. So I always live otherworldly ... — Saket Assertive

I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard. — Kathy Griffin

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. — Will Rogers

Who decides which defects are funny and which ones are tragic? Nobody laughs at blind people or makes iron lung jokes. — David Mitchell

I care more about making sure the story is correct and the characters are behaving in character than I do about the individual jokes. — Michael Schur

Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up. — Stephen Colbert

Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that. — Lewis Black

If parents snicker at racial and gender jokes, another generation will pass on the poison adults still have not had the courage to snuff out. — Marian Wright Edelman

I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray. — Jack Benny

All the great story lines are great practical jokes that people fall for over and over again. — Kurt Vonnegut

She laughed at bad jokes, stayed out too late, and overslept too often. Charity Hill loved holidays and she hated budgets and the alarm clock. — Elizabeth Jane Howard

It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a funny comic. — Iliza Shlesinger

Q: What do Jesus and Nicole Brown Simpson have in common? A: They were both killed by the Joooooooose. — Helen Thomas

There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes. — Fred Allen

Come. We must go deeper with no justice and no jokes. — Michael Ondaatje

I love practical jokes and humor. That there's frankly no joke that I don't think is funny. I love practical jokes, but I don't like being scared. — Mitt Romney

The main jokes in this film are about big things, love and life and zombies - we all get that. — Simon Pegg

I am not much for philosophy, but that old Descartes, he got me thinking. And therefore being. Anyone? Anyone? Cogito ergo sum jokes? No? Okay. — John Green

I love life in spite of all that mars it. I love friendship, jokes and laughter. — Tahar Ben Jelloun

Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes. — Demetri Martin

You know, OK, I made a few jokes and they killed 3000 Americans. Fair trade. — Ann Coulter

The public is gullible ... If [many satirists are] making the same joke, that's the danger. Then there's a solidifying effect and it becomes a truth. — Bill Maher

I conjured for him electric skies and iridescent seas and evenings full of laughter and silly jokes. — Jojo Moyes

I don't really write jokes. I wait for stuff to happen in life, and then I tell it on stage. — Kathleen Madigan

Peace does not walk up to our doorsteps and press the calling bell! We have to go out there and search for it. — Avijeet Das

Soon I learned that the worse the puns and jokes, the funnier they could be, if you knew how to deliver them. — John Lasseter

could hear Rico's ass laughing in the background like I was some nigga on Comedy Central telling jokes and shit — Lucinda John

My English is closer to the literary English, and I'm not very familiar with jokes in English or with, you know, with small talk in English. — J.M.G. Le Clezio

Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody. — Garrison Keillor

I enjoy jokes, smiling, and making people smile. I may be a little different, but that's OK, who wants to be normal anyway? — Tim Duncan

Gabriel Walsh comes from a long line of hustlers. He's just the first one to go to law school and get a license for it. — Kelley Armstrong

People see me laughing and telling jokes, but they had no idea after the show was over, I had no joy in my life, in my heart. — Steve Harvey

Hated each other so much their feud had become legendary. Half the jokes in the galaxy started with a vampire and an otrokar walk into a bar ... . — Ilona Andrews

Jokes are a lot about meaning. I think if we understand what jokes mean and why they work, we'd understand everything else. Genuinely I do. — John Lloyd

I just love that part of comedy, where you see somebody's jokes develop. They try something new to see what works, and I just love that part. — Maria Bamford

I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym. — Don Rickles

I like to smile a lot before going in the car. I make jokes, even on the grid, and then I can still manage to focus when it counts. — Romain Grosjean

Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish. — Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Everyone can write jokes and makes things clever. — David Walton

I don't like jokes in speeches. I do like wit and humor. A joke is to humor what pornography is to erotic language in a good novel. — James C. Humes

People get really scared when women reclaim words, talk about themselves honestly and also make jokes because it's a really unstoppable combination. — Caitlin Moran

All day my mind drifts off into fantasies and little stupid jokes. — Jean-Pierre Jeunet

To the guy who finishes my sentences and gets my jokes. Even the lame ones. — Kim Harrison

Jokes that are gratuitously offensive are synonymous with bad writing to me. I'm offended as a writer first and as a person second. — Rachel Bloom

My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, "pick up, I know you're there." — Joan Rivers

Be nice to everyone and tell jokes. — Gary Busey