John Oliver Quotes: top 100 famous quotes about John Oliver

John Oliver Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational John Oliver quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

Integration begins the day after the minds of the people are desegregated. — John Oliver Killens

I would hate to meet myself at 15. — John Oliver

I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in! — John Oliver

It's a great time to be doing political satire when the world is on a knife edge. — John Oliver

I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love. — John Oliver

There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that. — John Oliver

Americans just don't understand dry wit. — John Oliver

We have to undo the millions of little white lies that America told itself and the world aboutthe American Black man. — John Oliver Killens

The Negro was invented in America. — John Oliver Killens

If you vote for Democrats, you might as well give Al Quaeda a death ray and a manual. — John Oliver

Attending a Sarah Palin rally was simultaneously one of the strangest and most chilling events of my life. — John Oliver

Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you. — John Oliver

There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers. — John Oliver

Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually. — John Oliver

I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go. — John Oliver

Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can. — John Oliver

I feel like any time John Oliver is added to something, the comedy is instantly there. He's so funny. — Alison Brie

There is an inherent hope and positive drive to New Yorkers. — John Oliver

Drumpf is like a Magic 8-Ball. Every time you shake him, he gives you a different answer. — John Oliver

I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy. — John Oliver

I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have. — John Oliver

I would never heckle someone. That's why I think I'm so interested in someone that would. — John Oliver

Iran is the middle child of the Axis of Evil. Iraq is the oldest child and gets the lion's share of the attention, and North Korea is the crazy baby. — John Oliver

When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain. — John Oliver

Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.' — John Oliver

Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect. — John Oliver

We invented words; we'll tell you how they're supposed to sound. — John Oliver

Economics is like the Dutch language - I'm told it makes sense, but I have my doubts. — John Oliver

I'm like John Wayne. I only play good guys. Describing his cameo role on a TV series. — Oliver North

Anybody who claims to be excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath. — John Oliver

When you're dealing with serious subjects, there is a pressure to be absolutely sure that you know what you're doing. — John Oliver

I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into. — John Oliver

I find it hard in my general life to think further than the week ahead. — John Oliver

Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury. — John Oliver

When you've married someone who's been at war, there is nothing you can do that compares to that level of selflessness and bravery. — John Oliver

Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or rather the hashish. — Oliver St. John

You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job. — John Oliver

Being a Mets fan is like lending someone a lot of money and you just know that you'll never get paid back. — John Oliver

Do you know how hard it is to kill 30 million people? It's a logistical nightmare. — John Oliver

A Southern accent is not a club in my bag. — John Oliver

Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being. — John Oliver

I've said yes to everything that Jon Stewart has asked me to do. That's been a pretty good career decision, I think. — John Oliver

Once you learn how to make people laugh, then you get to choose exactly how you want to make them laugh. — John Oliver

Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word. — John Oliver

I'm British. I don't really have access to my emotions on a daily basis. — John Oliver

I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes. — John Oliver

The German language is so sonorous, isn't it? Beautiful language ... the language of poetry. Angry, angry poetry. — John Oliver

The British press are a group of unremitting scumbags. And sometimes they use that scumbaggery to good ends, and often not. — John Oliver

I'm British; pessimism is my wheelhouse. — John Oliver

Mr. President, no one is saying you broke any laws, we're just saying it's a little bit weird you didn't have to. — John Oliver

I would much rather America was a more stable, wonderful place. You know, I love it. — John Oliver

I don't know if there is some psychological thing of wanting to know where your doctor got his degree from before he comes into the medical room. — John Oliver

I have a green card now, but they can take that away, yeah, they can take that away at any moment. So please don't; please let me keep it. — John Oliver

It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa. — John Oliver

Western man wrote "his" history as if it were the history of the entire human race. — John Oliver Killens

the houses much smaller and meek and timid and nondescript, and even the trees were scantily clad. — John Oliver Killens

When you do stand-up, you're just concerned with trying to leave with some semblance of human dignity at the end of your performance. — John Oliver

Wow. Losing 95 percent of your audience in just five years. That basically makes Obama the NBC of presidents. — John Oliver

People are friendlier in New York than London. — John Oliver

I think I'm just a summer fling that people will soon forget. — John Oliver

I think it might honestly be time for the Sunshine State to officially change its motto to the Worst State. — John Oliver

One thing that America is objectively exceptional at is overreacting whenever anyone accuses them of not being exceptional. — John Oliver

The Negro loves America enough to criticize her fundamentally. Most white Americans simply can't be bothered. — John Oliver Killens

Some men never recover from education. — Oliver St. John Gogarty

Life is a short walk. There is so little time and so much living to achieve. — John Oliver Killens

If your name is Sepp, at the bare minimum you've strangled someone in a bar fight. — John Oliver

Armando Iannucci is one of my heroes. As I was growing up, he was probably the most influential comic voice that I had. — John Oliver

Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels. — John Oliver

My fight is not for racial sameness but for racial equality and against racial prejudice and discrimination. — John Oliver Killens

Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest. — John Oliver

I think puns are not just the lowest form of wit, but the lowest form of human behavior. — John Oliver

Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,' — John Oliver

I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life. — John Oliver

You have to do stand-up quite a long time before you learn how to do it well. — John Oliver

You know that things are not going well when you lose the moral high ground to a TMZ reporter, — John Oliver

I can't relax. I find vacations problematic. — John Oliver

It really helps a comedian to be an outsider. — John Oliver

It's exciting to have a role in anything that's Claymation, just because you're always intrigued by what a clay wizard version of yourself would be. — John Oliver

There is no greater anesthetic than sport. — John Oliver

Democracy is like a tamborine - not everyone can be trusted with it. — John Oliver

The disconnect between America and its military is shocking. — John Oliver

People in Britain see Richard Quest as a kind of an offensive cartoon character. — John Oliver

Pumpkin spice lattes are egg nog for morning people. — John Oliver

Politics has become infused with narcissism in America. — John Oliver

People don't like him (John Poindexter) for the same reason they don't like me ... If you get things done in this bureaucracy you step on toes. — Oliver North

When you see people say crazy things on our show, they mean this stuff,and that's easy to forget: They're not joking. — John Oliver

You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting. — John Oliver

You're sonically racist, Americans. You think we all sound the same, whereas I have definitely a mongrel accent. — John Oliver

There are some people who watch NASCAR for the highly skilled driving - but most people watch it for the crashes. — John Oliver

I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician. — John Oliver

I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything. — John Oliver

British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death — John Oliver

I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen. — John Oliver

News is not a game show. You don't win a car if you happen to be right. — John Oliver

The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked. — John Oliver

I'm always interested in audience interaction. Not so much aggressive audience interaction - I'm genuinely interested in how people see things. — John Oliver

I really love stand-up. I'm more than happy to do it for nothing. I've come to America to do it for nothing. It's the American Dream: Work for free. — John Oliver

If a queen bee were crossed with a Friesian bull, would not the land flow with milk and honey? — Oliver St. John

Florida, just because you're shaped like some combination of a gun and a d*ck doesn't mean you have to act that way. — John Oliver

Politicians don't really bring up religion in England. — John Oliver