Jackie Mason Best Quotes: top 38 famous quotes about Jackie Mason Best

Jackie Mason Best Quotes & Sayings

Happy to read and share the best inspirational Jackie Mason Best quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.

I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to. — Jackie Mason

I always thought music was more important than sex - then I thought if I don't hear a concert for a year-and-a-half it doesn't bother me. — Jackie Mason

The rewards for being sane may not be very many, but knowing what's funny is one of them. — Kingsley Amis

I was like a Borscht Belt comedian trapped in the body of a 6-year-old. I was channeling Jackie Mason at 7. — Josh Gad

It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want. — Jackie Mason

Did you know that the Jews invented sushi? That's right - two Jews bought a restaurant with no kitchen. — Jackie Mason

The people in Hollywood are fabulously stupid. — Michael Crichton

Hello, fear. Thank you for being here. You're my indication that I'm doing what I need to do. — Cheryl Strayed

My comedy doesn't come from any calculations and studies. — Jackie Mason

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life. — Jackie Mason

I am not a Jew in the synagogue and a feminist in the world. I am a Jewish feminist and a feminist Jew in every moment of my life. — Judith Plaskow

Our reasons are not prophets
When oft our fancies are. — William Shakespeare

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck. — Jackie Mason

An opportunity to allow the bees in one's bonnet to buzz even more noisily than usual. — Hermann Bondi

Honesty is nothin' compared to decency. — Jackie Mason

I've got another friend who is half-German and half-Polish. He hates Jews but can't remember why! — Jackie Mason

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. — Jackie Mason

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like. — Jackie Mason

I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me. — Jackie Mason

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one? — Jackie Mason

Would you put a pastrami in your mouth if you didn't want to eat it? — Jackie Mason

America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress. — Jackie Mason

I didn't think it was fair to pretend to give of myself when I was so selfishly consumed with my own drives. — Jackie Mason

Ours is not the creed of the weakling and the coward; ours is the gospel of hope and triumphant endeavor." Theodore Roosevelt — Ryan Stallings

Anybody who's in favor of gun control is a fucking moron. — Jackie Mason

Accepting and feeling sympathy and love is not so healing as giving it. — Ruth Draper

Nothing is sadder than having worldly standards without worldly means. — Van Wyck Brooks

Everybody knows we're entitled to one Jerusalem. History reveals very simply that this is our land from the days of the Bible. — Jackie Mason

I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs. — Jackie Mason

I am a Yale Law School graduate. — Cory Booker

One of the reasons that any person writes anything is to try and keep his own sanity together. — Sean Wilentz

I'd much rather see Richard Pryor or Jackie Mason in a theater than in a club. — Elayne Boosler

I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it! — Jackie Mason

Predictions are preposterous. — Jackie Mason

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something. — Jackie Mason

Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net. — Jackie Mason

Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable! — Jackie Mason

A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval. — Jackie Mason