George Carlin Best Quotes
Collection of top 50 famous quotes about George Carlin Best
George Carlin Best Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational George Carlin Best quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
— George Carlin
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
— George Carlin
I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
— George Carlin
Life is not that complicated.
— George Carlin
At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
— George Carlin
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
— George Carlin
Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
— George Carlin
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
— George Carlin
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
— George Carlin
The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.
— George Carlin
E-I-E-I-O is actually a gross misspelling of the word farm.
— George Carlin
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
— George Carlin
Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.
— George Carlin
Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
— George Carlin
You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
— George Carlin
I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
— George Carlin
Most people are not particularly good at anything.
— George Carlin
History is not happenstance: it is conspiratorial. Carefully planned and executed by people in power.
— George Carlin
A pear is a failed apple.
— George Carlin
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
— George Carlin
Fuck rational thought
— George Carlin
The best thing about living at the beach is that you only have assholes on three sides of you.
— George Carlin
I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
— George Carlin
If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
— George Carlin
If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
— George Carlin
Bullshit is truly the American soundtrack.
— George Carlin
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
— George Carlin
Is there another word for synonym?
— George Carlin
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
— George Carlin
I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker.
— George Carlin
In football the object is to march into enemy territory and cross his goal. In baseball the object is to go home.
— George Carlin
Where does the dentist go when he leaves the room?
— George Carlin
With humans it's abortion, but with chickens it's an omelet.
— George Carlin
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
— George Carlin
Weather tonight: dark. Turning partly light by morning.
— George Carlin
