Funny You Quotes

Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Funny You

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Funny You Quotes By Eduard Heine: Hide your gold, your faith and the reason Hide your gold, your faith and the reason of you journey. Eduard Heine
Funny You Quotes By Katt Williams: White people, you did not get a receipt White people, you did not get a receipt for niggas, you can not return us! Katt Williams
Funny You Quotes By Karl Pilkington: Classes teaching you how to breathe. I'm 32, Classes teaching you how to breathe. I'm 32, I think I've got the hang of it. Karl Pilkington
Funny You Quotes By Jim Butcher: Home is where, when you go there and Home is where, when you go there and tell people to get out, they have to leave. Jim Butcher
Funny You Quotes By W. H. Auden: Cats can be very funny, and have the Cats can be very funny, and have the oddest ways of showing they're glad to see you ... W. H. Auden
Funny You Quotes By Sarah Mayberry: If I let you go are you going If I let you go are you going to hit me again?"
"What do you think?"
"Then I'm not going to let you go.
Sarah Mayberry
Funny You Quotes By Carole Cummings: Fuck you.""Promise? Fuck you."
"Promise?
Carole Cummings
Funny You Quotes By Gerry Geek: More you know, better advice you give. Less More you know, better advice you give. Less you know, more advice you give. Gerry Geek
Funny You Quotes By David Foster Wallace: The only real significance she had attached to The only real significance she had attached to the memory was that it was funny what stuck with you. David Foster Wallace
Funny You Quotes By Stephanie Perkins: How much detention did you get?Two weeks. One How much detention did you get?
Two weeks. One per arsehole. — Stephanie Perkins
Funny You Quotes By Brandon Sanderson: You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm.
It's really funny. — Brandon Sanderson
Funny You Quotes By Michael Summers: I had a dream about you last night. I had a dream about you last night. We watched pornography together, but purely for the storyline. — Michael Summers
Funny You Quotes By Andrew Barger: Groupies will give you Chlamydia, Edward.""Right, Virg. Groupies Groupies will give you Chlamydia, Edward."
"Right, Virg. Groupies throw underwear on stage. They don't throw flowers. — Andrew Barger
Funny You Quotes By Caitlin Hale: Jack Black is so funny! On and off Jack Black is so funny! On and off screen, like, he would make you laugh every day. He's hilarious. — Caitlin Hale
Funny You Quotes By Mitch Hedberg: If I was a mechanic and someone called If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!" — Mitch Hedberg
Funny You Quotes By Jim Gaffigan: I see some people with glasses here, I I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this ... "Get away from 'em!" — Jim Gaffigan
Funny You Quotes By David Eddings: You're impossible," she told him. "Of course I You're impossible," she told him.
"Of course I am," he answered. "It's part of my charm. — David Eddings
Funny You Quotes By Henny Youngman: Was that suit made to order? Where were Was that suit made to order? Where were you at the time? — Henny Youngman
Funny You Quotes By Holly Hood: Is that a rule? Do you have a Is that a rule? Do you have a rule that you can't kiss people in the morning? — Holly Hood
Funny You Quotes By Betty White: Keep the other person's well being in mind Keep the other person's well being in mind when you feel an attack of soul-purging truth coming on. — Betty White
Funny You Quotes By Veronica Roth: Be careful, though.""Aren't I always?""No, I think the Be careful, though."
"Aren't I always?"
"No, I think the word for how you usually are is 'reckless. — Veronica Roth
Funny You Quotes By Lily Tomlin: If love is the answer, could you please If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? — Lily Tomlin
Funny You Quotes By Don Rickles: You know what's funny to me? Attitude. You know what's funny to me? Attitude. — Don Rickles
Funny You Quotes By Sunjeev Sahota: Funny how God offers you everything you've asked Funny how God offers you everything you've asked for, only to force you to turn it away. — Sunjeev Sahota
Funny You Quotes By Sherrilyn Kenyon: Get in my way again, boy, and you're Get in my way again, boy, and you're going to learn that Velkan isn't the only one in this family who has fangs. Retta to Viktor — Sherrilyn Kenyon
Funny You Quotes By Heather Hildenbrand: You catch more flies with honey, ever heard You catch more flies with honey, ever heard of that?" He shrugged. "I don't like flies. They're annoying." He grinned "I'd rather catch hell. — Heather Hildenbrand
Funny You Quotes By Alison Bechdel: Mom, how come you never go outside?""I told Mom, how come you never go outside?"
"I told you, I'm a vampire. — Alison Bechdel
Funny You Quotes By Art Hochberg: The funny thing about prayers is you can The funny thing about prayers is you can absolutely make up your own if you want to. — Art Hochberg
Funny You Quotes By Charlie Cochet: Your pupils are dilated. Does that mean you Your pupils are dilated. Does that mean you want to fuck me or eat me? Because I might have a problem with one of those.
-Dex to Sloane — Charlie Cochet
Funny You Quotes By Jonathan Tropper: Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's. — Jonathan Tropper
Funny You Quotes By Neil Gaiman: You must never imagine, that just because something You must never imagine, that just because something is funny, it is not also dangerous. — Neil Gaiman
Funny You Quotes By Jim Jefferies: Do you think pandas know they're Chinese and Do you think pandas know they're Chinese and they're taking the one child policy a bit too seriously? — Jim Jefferies
Funny You Quotes By Simon Sinek: I find, when you're an optimist, life has I find, when you're an optimist, life has a funny way of looking after you. — Simon Sinek
Funny You Quotes By Jeff Foxworthy: If your idea of a 7 course meal If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck. — Jeff Foxworthy
Funny You Quotes By Mike Krzyzewski: It's funny what happens when you become a It's funny what happens when you become a grandparent. You start to act all goofy and do things you never thought you'd do. It's terrific. — Mike Krzyzewski
Funny You Quotes By Caskie Stinnett: A diplomat is someone who can tell you A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. — Caskie Stinnett
Funny You Quotes By Frank Carson: A man says to his mate: "My wife A man says to his mate: "My wife is a twin." His mate says, "How do you tell them apart?" The man says: "Her brother has a beard." — Frank Carson
Funny You Quotes By Rick Riordan: Otis! Will you PLEASE stop killing me! Otis! Will you PLEASE stop killing me! — Rick Riordan
Funny You Quotes By Carrie Fisher: Baby, the fact that you know that's funny Baby, the fact that you know that's funny is going to save your whole life. — Carrie Fisher
Funny You Quotes By Dave Barry: Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball clock-radio. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Thank you. — Dave Barry
Funny You Quotes By Jonathan Winters: I know you can be funny without being I know you can be funny without being filthy. — Jonathan Winters
Funny You Quotes By Johnny Carson: In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy. — Johnny Carson
Funny You Quotes By Harriet Morgan: The police are on the way to arrest The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving me crazy. — Harriet Morgan
Funny You Quotes By Elaine Stritch: You can't be funny unless you're tragic, and You can't be funny unless you're tragic, and you can't be tragic unless you're funny. — Elaine Stritch
Funny You Quotes By Christina Grimmie: Be stupid, be dumb, be funny, if that's Be stupid, be dumb, be funny, if that's who you are. Don't try to be someone that society wants you to be, that's stupid. So be yourself — Christina Grimmie
Funny You Quotes By Zach Galifianakis: Do you remember that kid that had sex Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing. — Zach Galifianakis
Funny You Quotes By Mariana Zapata: What did you want me to do? Ask What did you want me to do? Ask him for money? — Mariana Zapata
Funny You Quotes By Chris Rock: Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy. — Chris Rock
Funny You Quotes By W.S. Gilbert: Bless your heart, they don't mindthey're exceedinglykindThey don't Bless your heart, they don't mind
they're exceedingly
kind
They don't blame you
as long as you're funny! — W.S. Gilbert
Funny You Quotes By Chris Rock: You'd got a baseball game, or a football You'd got a baseball game, or a football game, basketball game, "USA! USA! USA!" Hey, calm down! Got a little German on it, don't you think? — Chris Rock
Funny You Quotes By Ronald Reagan: Elena, my four year old, says to me Elena, my four year old, says to me in all seriousness; "Mommy, you need to buy another baby". — Ronald Reagan
Funny You Quotes By Kristen Schaal: As you can see, I speak many languages, As you can see, I speak many languages, including the language of sex. — Kristen Schaal
Funny You Quotes By Yogi Berra: How long have you known me, Jack? And How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don't know how to spell my name. — Yogi Berra
Funny You Quotes By Andrea Cremer: And you look beautiful," she added."I look like And you look beautiful," she added.
"I look like a cake."
"But a beautiful cake. — Andrea Cremer
Funny You Quotes By Milton Jones: To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet ... you can hide but you can't run. — Milton Jones
Funny You Quotes By Ari Graynor: Comedy is funny when it comes from truth, Comedy is funny when it comes from truth, and that's always the rule of them. It's about how far you can push that boundary. — Ari Graynor
Funny You Quotes By Lewis Carroll: Why it's simply impassible!Alice: Why, don't you mean Why it's simply impassible!
Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible?
Door: No, I do mean impassible. (chuckles) Nothing's impossible! — Lewis Carroll
Funny You Quotes By Jerry Coleman: You might want to put this in the You might want to put this in the back of your craw and think about it. — Jerry Coleman
Funny You Quotes By J.K. Rowling: Well, I don't know how to break this Well, I don't know how to break this to you, but I think they might have noticed we broke into Gringotts. — J.K. Rowling
Funny You Quotes By David Letterman: Tourists - have some fun with New york's Tourists - have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay? I was hitchhiking." — David Letterman
Funny You Quotes By M.J. McGuire: I recommend you don't attend the wheat and I recommend you don't attend the wheat and chaff bonfire. — M.J. McGuire
Funny You Quotes By Michael Caine: Funny things happen to you in movies for Funny things happen to you in movies for silly reasons. — Michael Caine
Funny You Quotes By Ljupka Cvetanova: You can make fun of yourself and people You can make fun of yourself and people will laugh at you. If you're smart, you'll end up as a comedian. If you're not, you'll end up as a clown. — Ljupka Cvetanova
Funny You Quotes By Billy Wilder: If you're going to tell people the truth, If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you. — Billy Wilder
Funny You Quotes By Jules Barnard: You're not a loser. You're almost as smart You're not a loser. You're almost as smart as me, which makes you one of the smartest people on the planet. — Jules Barnard
Funny You Quotes By Will Rogers: If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there — Will Rogers
Funny You Quotes By Todd Stocker: Before you eat the elephant, make sure you Before you eat the elephant, make sure you know what parts you want to eat. — Todd Stocker
Funny You Quotes By Lincoln Child: The funny thing about writing is I think The funny thing about writing is I think a lot of people assume that you're sitting in a garret with a quill pen for hour after hour. — Lincoln Child
Funny You Quotes By Nick Hornby: No one's stopping you," said Jess. "But you've No one's stopping you," said Jess. "But you've got to make it more interesting. That's why why we drift off and talk about biscuits. — Nick Hornby
Funny You Quotes By Francois Lelord: You must be careful when you ask people You must be careful when you ask people whether they're happy; it's a question that can upset them a great deal. — Francois Lelord
Funny You Quotes By Ken Jennings: What are those bulb things you're slicing?""You've never What are those bulb things you're slicing?"
"You've never seen fennel? It looks like celery and tastes like licorice. — Ken Jennings
Funny You Quotes By Lori Foster: Manners, boy. I'll beat them into you if Manners, boy. I'll beat them into you if I have to. — Lori Foster
Funny You Quotes By Mitch Hedberg: I wish they made fajita cologne, because that I wish they made fajita cologne, because that stuff smells good. What's that you're wearing? That's sizzlin'! — Mitch Hedberg
Funny You Quotes By George Takei: I do find things funny. When you see I do find things funny. When you see life through the eyes of someone with a good sense of humor, which my grandmother did, life is a human comedy. — George Takei
Funny You Quotes By Ted Danson: To do something funny, you have to have To do something funny, you have to have experienced it in real life and digested it in a way that amuses you. — Ted Danson
Funny You Quotes By Bo Burnham: For fifteen cents a day you can feed For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies. — Bo Burnham