Funny Jokes Quotes
Collection of top 76 famous quotes about Funny Jokes
Funny Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Jokes quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
I'm fascinated by idiots... Here's looking at you, kid!
— Fakeer Ishavardas
I enjoy making people laugh. The trick is to tell them jokes against yourself. If you praise yourself, your stories aren't funny.
— Michael Caine
We are sometimes hurt mostly or only not by what happened or is happening to us but by being felt sorry for.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
me in bed - with a honeymoon present. Some of them were small, some were funny jokes, and some were extravagant, but every present came straight
— James Patterson
If you think something's funny, go with that. Most comedians pull jokes from a place of honesty.
— Olivia Munn
I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.
— Gilbert Gottfried
My medication must be wearing off I'm starting to think my jokes are funny.
— Stanley Victor Paskavich
Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.
— Lemony Snicket
I have a Siamese twin cat. It's got 2 heads and 18 lives.
— M.J. McGuire
You can't just explain a joke. Either it isn't funny, or the person just totally missed the punchline.
— Cass McCombs
I had a dream about you last night. The champagne was non-alcoholic. You didn't notice, and laughed at my jokes anyway.
— Michael Summers
If you are reading this then you have wasted another day of your life day dreaming, rather than planning the life God intended you to live.
— Shannon L. Alder
The first obligation I have is to be funny; it's my first impulse and an instinct. I like being funny and finding the jokes.
— George Carlin
We're gonna have to sweeten some of these jokes for the CD. You know what sweeten means, right? Sweeten is a show-biz term for "add sugar to".
— Mitch Hedberg
I can't find someone funny whom I don't like. Hitler told great jokes. I didn't find it funny at all.
— Ricky Gervais
I make some jokes about it, but they're not funny and just add to the depression.
— Robert M. Pirsig
I don't want to go and start trying to make jokes in places like India, Tanzania or Iraq. Afghanistan is not a funny place.
— Bill Bryson
When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them.
— Paul Merton
I wish there were jokes in the cat world," Buddy sighed. "Want to try to one? Let's think of a prank we can pull on the boys.
— Gretchen Preston
Another day gone and no jokes.
— Flann O'Brien
I'm not too keen on jokes that are one-liners. I want the situation to be funny.
— Philippe Falardeau
I was a lazy reader as a kid. One nutrition label on a box of Cap'n Crunch and I'd have to take a nap.
— M.J. McGuire
They didn't have to be funny - they were father jokes.
— Terry Pratchett
You know you've reached the end of a relationship: when your lover now demands that your jokes be funny before they laugh.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most people are scumbags. Accept it. Let go. Chill out, douchebags.
— Fakeer Ishavardas
What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny.
— Steven Wright
Your wife is a big hippo! My face is melting! My face is meltinnnnggg!
— Terry Pratchett
Being nice can be funny. A lot of my jokes are like, 'Let me take a bad situation and try to put the best spin on it.'
— Ron Funches
A good team needs three things: the right people, the right spirit, and a couple inside jokes.
— VanillaCreamPie8888
As an actor, it's always fun when you're able to feel like there's freedom to explore things and try out jokes and be funny.
— Busy Philipps
Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day.
— Seth MacFarlane
I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.
— Jimmy Carr
You know, Ham," Breeze noted. "The only funny thing about your jokes is how often they lack any humor whatsoever.
— Brandon Sanderson
All right, I'll wait another two thousand years to make jokes about my evilness.
— Tui T. Sutherland
Life sometimes confuses us by making us discover in someone we hate a quality or qualities we love.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Who decides which defects are funny and which ones are tragic? Nobody laughs at blind people or makes iron lung jokes.
— David Mitchell
Not every single way of saying the right thing is right.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a funny comic.
— Iliza Shlesinger
I'm not the type of guy who's funny in the room. I'm the guy who's funny late at night on a computer, trying to construct jokes.
— Scott Aukerman
Mom, how come you never go outside?""I told you, I'm a vampire. — Alison Bechdel
I don't laugh so much at jokes and premises as I do at a guy who goes onstage and starts twitching and acting funny.
— Harland Williams
Why can't women tell jokes? Because we marry them!
— Kathy Lette
All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
— Mitch Hedberg
I nurture very good intentions about you. May you die in peace.
— Fakeer Ishavardas
That's how inside jokes usually are. Funny to those inside, annoying as shit to the rest of the world.
— Siobhan Vivian
I like situational comedy when people are being completely serious and yet you can find something extremely funny, not jokes.
— Bruce Robinson
I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny.
— Mark Russell
These jokes the world plays, they're not funny at all.
— David Mitchell
Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate.
— Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Jokes are many things. 'Funny' is only one of them.
— Melinda Chapman
Death isn't funny." "Then why are there so many jokes about death? Jill, with us - us humans - death is so sad that we must laugh at it. — Robert A. Heinlein
But some jokes are hilarious until they become true and they're not so funny anymore.
— Jonathan Dunne
I'm not really very funny, I just keep recycling jokes.
— Reese Roper