Funny Ever Quotes
Collection of top 100 famous quotes about Funny Ever
Funny Ever Quotes & Sayings
Happy to read and share the best inspirational Funny Ever quotes, sayings and quotations on Wise Famous Quotes.
Nix and Emma: 'Looks like you just found a new talent.''Great. Why couldn't I be good at underwater origami or something? — Kresley Cole
Ozzie Smith just made another play that I've never seen anyone else make before, and I've seen him make it more often than anyone else ever has.
— Jerry Coleman
Don't ever follow me, because I am difficult.
— Eugene Ormandy
Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.
— Rita Rudner
My mom's been having a hard time lately. She just found out that she has to have both of her breasts removed - if she's ever going to be good at golf.
— Anthony Jeselnik
No one ever thought Clint Eastwood was funny, but he was.
— Annie Leibovitz
So I went to bed, full, happy, and caring nothing for all the hurt of all the englished Welshmen that ever festered upon a proud land
— Richard Llewellyn
Vomit and shit, even your own, stink.
— Sheeja Jose
Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?
— Zach Galifianakis
But men are funny about their wars, they act as if they own them, and perhaps they do, for I don't think women ever start them.
— Pippa Goldschmidt
It's just amazing how long this country has been going to hell without ever having got there.
— Andy Rooney
Nix: We're not leaving without her. So unless you want permanent houseguests of the destructive sort, just hand her over.
— Kresley Cole
Ever heard of a demon getting sick?" Zavid'Of humans? All the time. It's what we live for" Livia — Sherrilyn Kenyon
Crackpot is an excellent job because the expectations are so low. No one ever tells crackpots that they should be doing more.
— Scott Adams
I see no reason to suppose these machines will ever force themselves into general use.
— Duke Of Wellington
These are the best things I've ever had in my mouth!
— Mora Early
We men had a meeting a long time ago, and we all decided, 'It's trousers'. And that's what we've worn ever since.
— Lisa Kleypas
Fuck you.""Promise? — Carole Cummings
Selling eternal life is an unbeatable business, with no customers ever asking for their money back after the goods are not delivered.
— Victor J. Stenger
The worst thing ever that you have to explain your joke because I was very disappointed trying to explain why the joke is funny for the interrogator.
— Bassem Youssef
The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!
— David Cross
I've got a hockey record, I took off my skate and tried to stab a guy, I'm the only person who ever tried that.
— Adam Sandler
How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
— George Burns
Ever notice that phrenologists have funny-shaped heads?
— The Covert Comic
Funny, nothing ever happens nowadays.
— Edgar Bergen
Punctuation was, it is sad to say, invented a very long time ago. Even more frustrating, it has remained with us ever since.
— Anne Elizabeth Moore
This is a young man who is only 25, and you have to say, her has answered every question that has ever been asked.
— David Coleman
I've had countless reviews sort that have made me cry. It's funny, it doesn't ever get better either; you can't turn your ears off.
— Eleanor Catton
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
— Phyllis Diller
Good Lord, that has to be the homeliest woman I have ever laid eyes on. My horse's face is better-looking.
— Kathleen Bittner Roth
If ever an error had "F" written on it, that grounder did.
— Jerry Coleman
Winnie, don't you ever think you're selling yourself short?""Nope. Never. I'm really good at picking quality dick. — Elizabeth Brown
Just at present you only see the tree by the light of the lamp. I wonder when you would ever see the lamp by the light of the tree.
— G.K. Chesterton
I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made it".
— Rodney Dangerfield
Folks are funny. They can't stick to one way of thinking or doing anything unless they get a new reason for doing it ever so often.
— William Faulkner
If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.
— Bobcat Goldthwait
The fewer moving parts, the better." "Exactly. No truer words were ever spoken in the context of engineering.
— Christian Cantrell
Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.
— Groucho Marx
You catch more flies with honey, ever heard of that?" He shrugged. "I don't like flies. They're annoying." He grinned "I'd rather catch hell.
— Heather Hildenbrand
If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.
— Jeff Foxworthy
It's funny how we like labels. If I ever have a bookstore, I'm not going to put any labels on the sections.
— Audrey Niffenegger
Jane's novels are so true to life that even two centuries later they are fresh and funny and, yes, relevant as ever.
— Margaret Sullivan
I didn't want to spoil the mood. This was probably the longest Daemon and I had ever spoken without some statement earning him the finger.
— Jennifer L. Armentrout
Nothing is ever finished. It's a funny thing. I actually think that's really the more natural way of stories or songs.
— Joseph Gordon-Levitt
I did not know that we had ever quarreled.
— Henry David Thoreau
Setting out around midnight, I couldn't help shaking my head, "We're the goddamned hottest vampire hunters ever." I muttered.
— Richelle Mead
The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.
— Josh Billings
It's not fair! (Ryssa)Because life was ever about fairness.
Oh, to be as naive as his sister. — Sherrilyn Kenyon
If someone ever asks you to do something for them, do it really bad so you never have to do it again.
— Paris Hilton
This is the biggest damn IPod I've ever seen," Claire said, which made him choke on his beer. "Kidding. I have seen a jukebox before.
— Rachel Caine
I'd like to point out that we've had zero problem reaching each other's mouths.
— Stephanie Perkins
How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dis-ing them anyhow?
— Steven Wright
I'm the oldest I've ever been, right now.
— Tim Sylvia
So does that mean if you won't fuck me because I'm high, I could fuck you because you're not?
— K.A. Mitchell
I couldn't believe it. That was the first time I had ever seen somebody celebrate for a whole 40-second clock. That was ridiculous.
— Charles Woodson
Funny, that no one had ever asked what had happened to the dishes, the scraps, the crumbs in the photographs, on the poster.
— Anna Quindlen
It's funny, I can sit through the worst horror film ever made but even a quite good romantic comedy can drive me nuts.
— Jason Reitman
You ever tried sixty-nine, Lola? I think you'd like it. You're a good multi-tasker.
— Bianca Giovanni
Sometimes, when I can't get to sleep, I imagine all the rules I'd invent if I ever got to be in charge of the world.
— Sophie Kinsella
Have you ever heard someone say 'I shouldn't have trusted my intuition'?
— Jennifer Ho-Dougatz
Here's the thing. I met this girl, this beautiful woman who's unlike anyone I've ever met. She's funny, and brave
— Denise Grover Swank
Fuck you!" "Right here?" He crossed his arms. "That definitely wouldn't help your getting over me.
— Stacey Marie Brown
All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.
— Lewis Black
Has anybody ever told you you're a remarkably cynical person?""I like to think of it as learning from experience. — Benedict Jacka
Bob Gibson is the luckiest pitcher I ever saw. He always pitches when the other team doesn't score any runs.
— Tim McCarver
The only reason I'd ever get a sex change operation is to see what it's like to be right all the time.
— Brian Wilson
I've got a sense of self-preservation. OK, granted , it's still in the original shrink wrap but I've got one if I ever want to use it.
— Rachel Caine
It's funny, I never think I'm doing that well. I've never, ever. I just constantly think, 'This isn't working out.'
— Dominic Cooper
You don't ever ask a barber whether you need a haircut.
— Warren Buffett
I smelled barbecue before I reached the house, and that made me madder than ever, because I really love barbecue.
— Rick Riordan
Oh, this is the most TRAGICAL thing that ever happened to me!
— L.M. Montgomery